A Different Kind of Fear
by iik8r
Summary: What if Bella actually was afraid of Edward, but not for the reason he thought? Bella has just moved to Forks, WA. When Edward realizes that she's scared, he thinks she's afraid of him because he's a vampire.
1. New Girl

A/N:

I'm skimping on some of the intro stuff because I figure that most of you guys are familiar enough with the background to the story, but it felt wrong to skip it entirely. This first chapter doesn't really divert a whole lot from the real story, but Chapter 2 will. I promise.

I'm a psychology student, and I've always been interested in social anxiety disorder (aka social phobia)… so I decided to see what would happen if Bella had S.A.D. In some ways, Bella will be fairly similar, since she already hates the spotlight and is a little reclusive. It kind of felt like it fit.

--

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh.

--

Everyone who knew me could tell I was making a sacrifice. My mom and my dad weren't fooled, but I pretended that they were wrong. It was just easier that way. There was no reason to complain about how cold and wet Forks, Washington was. They already knew that, and they knew I would prefer warm, dry weather any day. It wouldn't help to make this harder for them, too.

My mom deserved some time with her new husband, Phil. He made her happy, and it was as simple as that. She would want to travel with him on his baseball trips, and she wouldn't be able to leave me if I stayed with her in Phoenix. What kind of daughter would I be if I kept her from being with him, especially when I knew it made her so unhappy?

It was only right that I would move to Forks to live with my dad. It made sense. Besides, I wouldn't have to stay more than a couple years.

I was nervous about the whole move, though. I was nervous to have to start over with new friends. I felt like it wasn't as easy for me to relax around people. It was in my nature. I had a bottle of prescribed medication to prove it. I might be _better_, but I was still far from _cured_.

Charlie, my dad, was sitting across the table from me, a half-eaten bagel in one hand and the newspaper in his other. He was like me in so many ways. He, like me, preferred the quiet. I've never really asked him before, but I was pretty sure he had the same sorts of problems with anxiety as I had. We rarely discussed that sort of thing. How typical.

I had to give him credit, though. He was doing what he could to make this comfortable. He was welcoming and helpful beyond what I had expected… just a little quiet at times.

"You excited about starting school?" Charlie asked me, dropping the newspaper down on the table. He knew I wasn't. I could tell he was looking for something to say—after all he wasn't any more used to this situation than I was. Maybe he thought it was his obligation to have these sorts of morning chats.

"I'm kind of nervous, actually," I answered, letting my spoon sit idly in my cereal bowl. It was hard to eat when my hands were quivering. I held them in my lap, clasping them together tightly to stop them.

"The kids here are really nice. Great bunch of folks," he said helpfully, trying to ease the anxiety that I knew he could feel in me.

I answered his statement with a non-committal grunt. I felt like it wasn't a matter of whether _I_ liked them or not. That didn't concern me. What concerned me was what _they_ would think of _me_.

_Stop it. You're doing much better now than you were year ago._

That was when I'd started my treatment for social anxiety disorder.

"Bella, you'll be fine. You just might have to give it some time." My dad was trying to encourage me and boost my morale. He wasn't just talking about me adjusting to a new school. I knew he was right. I knew I'd be fine. These first days would be an exception to the progress I'd made… but after a week I'd be able to work on getting better again. I'd expected this much.

"I know," I said softly, unclenching my hands. "Maybe I should get going," I suggested, grabbing my bowl and heading over to the sink to wash it out. School didn't start for forty-five more minutes, but I figured that some quiet time to calm down in my truck would be necessary for my first day of school.

I grabbed my school bag and headed out the door, making dash for the red truck Charlie had gotten for me. The cold air did not agree with my lungs, or my wardrobe. I'd bought a few more sweaters, but I wasn't prepared for this painfully cold morning air.

Forks High School, henceforth my school, was entirely different from any school I'd ever seen before. It more closely resembled a college campus in that it was comprised of a bunch of smaller buildings rather than one large one. It took me a few minutes to figure out which one held the office, but I'd gotten to school early enough that I didn't have to worry about being late. Besides, I'm sure the new girl would be pardoned on her first day if she missed the tardy bell.

I was going to have to get used to that title. _New Girl_.

The receptionist greeted me enthusiastically, guessing who I was immediately. Forks was small enough that everyone knew everyone else's business, and they probably knew who I was because I was most likely the only unfamiliar face within a ten-mile radius.

After she handed me a map of the school, my schedule, and a form for me to have all my teachers sign I was sent on my way, out to face my first day of school.

In the short amount of time I'd been in the office, the school's campus became quite a bit more populated. I could see groups of people hanging around their cars in the parking lot and gathering around the benches. How could they stand to be in the cold willingly?

It didn't take long for me to realize that I was getting a lot of attention. I could feel eyes following me around as I walked to English, my first class. It was pretty unnerving. I couldn't help but wonder what they saw—what they thought of me. My face flushed a little, but in the cold air I'm sure it went unnoticed. Everyone had rosy cheeks.

Once I reached English, I introduced myself to the teacher, handed him the form to sign, and headed straight for the seat he'd assigned to me. I sat down and pulled a crossword out of my backpack, needing something to focus on. I was never good at initiating conversations with people I didn't know. I was working on it.

Not surprisingly, I felt a pair of eyes on me within minutes of sitting down. I dropped my pencil and turned to see a boy with slick black hair and a bit of an acne problem. He had a very kind smile. "Isabella, right?" he asked me.

"Yeah. Bella, actually," I explained, smiling back at him weakly.

"Cool. I'm Eric."

"Hey," I greated.

"So, how're you liking Forks so far?"

I raised my eyebrows a little. I didn't really want to answer him truthfully. I had a feeling that badmouthing his hometown might be a little rude. "I don't know, I just got here yesterday." At least it wasn't an entire lie.

"Man, I'd hate to jump right into school like that." Eric seemed a little bit on the eager side to me, but at that point I was just thrilled that someone seemed to want to get to know me. I would have talked to anyone who was willing to talk to me first.

Eric continued on to tell me a little bit about what Forks was like, offering to show me around sometime if I wanted. This was when I got a little uncomfortable. It felt… like he was trying a bit too hard, and I didn't want to give him the wrong impression about me.

"Oh… Well, maybe," I answered vaguely. It kept him happy enough, but was pretty sure that he got that I wasn't accepting his offer.

At this point, the teacher walked to the front of the classroom and started class.

The first half of the day kept up a similar pattern. A person or two would greet me when I took my assigned seat in class and introduce themselves. I would tell them I preferred to be called Bella, and they would ask me what I thought of Forks. It was all so repetitive. Charlie was right, though. Everyone was really friendly.

By the time lunch came around, I was very much ready for a break from class. My stomach had clenched at first when the lunch bell rang because I was uncertain if I would have anyone to sit with, but one of the girls I'd met, Angela Webber, graciously invited me to sit at her table.

We sat at a lunch table with a few other faces that I'd recognized from a few of my previous classes. Among them were Eric, a kid named Mike Newton, a girl named Jessica, and a girl named Lauren. They seemed happy enough that I was joining them, but I felt out of place nonetheless. They were talking school gossip… and considering the fact that I didn't know the names of anyone who wasn't at the table with me, I couldn't exactly participate.

My eyes roamed the cafeteria for a lack of something better to do. This place wasn't too different from Phoenix, actually… at least it wasn't if you were inside, away from the weather. It was nice to know that teenagers seemed the same here as they did in Arizona…

Except for the people at one table.

My eyes were drawn to them immediately. The five students at that table were all gorgeous with perfect face structures and oddly pale skin, but that wasn't why I noticed them. It was the inactivity that caught my attention. They weren't eating. They weren't talking. They weren't even really looking at each other. They just sat there.

Jessica turned to follow my eyes to the table on the other side of the room, then to me. Right at that second, one of the pale kids lifted his head and looked straight at me. He had rusty colored hair and piercingly dark eyes that took me by surprise.

"Don't even bother, they keep to themselves," Jessica said.

I tore my eyes away from the boy and looked over at Jessica, confused. "Who are they?"

"They're one big happy family," she answered, rolling her eyes. "They think they're better than everyone else or something. I don't know. They're all adopted."

I caught a trace of what sounded like resentment in her voice. I wasn't sure what she had against them. In most schools, a group of people who looked as flawlessly perfect as them would be in the very center of attention. It didn't really make sense.

Angela and Jessica explained the family to me, telling me that two of them, Rosalie and Emmet, were dating, as were the two they said were named Alice and Jasper. The other one, the one who had looked up at me, was named Edward. They had been taken in by a man named Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme.

I glanced over at them again a few moments later. Edward had turned back away, looking at nothing in particular but wearing a strained expression on his face. He was concentrating on something. He looked puzzled.

Lunch was coming to a close, and most of the people in the cafeteria were finishing up their conversations… except for the Cullens. As nonconformist as ever, they sat, exchanging only a few occasional words.

Mike told me he had biology next with me, and so offered to go with me to my next class, only once I'd left the cafeteria I realized I'd left my wallet at our lunch table.

Hoping my wallet would still be there, I pushed my way back though the door to the cafeteria, where a few groups of students—the Cullens included—were packing up their bags for their next class.

The wind blew in with me, sending shivers down my spine. It seemed unfair to me that the cold weather from outside followed me constantly. It was like the weather was mocking me. I pulled my coat tighter to my body and then immediately sighed, relieved, as I spotted my wallet sitting exactly where I'd left it. Thank goodness for that.

Turning to leave, the table where the Cullens were sitting caught my attention once again. This time they weren't gazing around randomly. All of their eyes were fixed on Edward, whose eyes bore into me. To say that he was glaring at me would be an understatement. He was absolutely glowering at me. I could feel the hate radiating off his body.

I stopped where I was, a deer in headlights. Had I done something? That was impossible, I hadn't even talked to the guy, and yet he was writhing in his chair, his hands gripping the table in front of him. I heard a snap followed by the dull thud of a chunk of plastic hitting the floor. A bit of shiny white bounced off the floor and landed again, rolling to the side. My eyes widened as I realized a chunk of the table had just fallen to the floor. The eyes focused around him became pleading and angry, as though his adopted family were demanding him to do something.

More than a little freaked out, I backed away, glad to leave the scene behind me and join Mike in biology.


	2. Oddities

A/N

Hey! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! This is where things start to drift a little more from the real story. I'd love it if you guys gave me feedback on this chapter.

Mel

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh

--

The rest of my first day of class was uneventful. My biology teacher assigned me to a lab table, and whoever it was that normally sat in the other chair never showed up for class. Mike took that spot instead, using this chance to try to talk to me. He didn't have much luck, though. I wasn't being the most responsive person. I was naturally on the quiet side, but my mind was elsewhere, anyway.

I just couldn't stop thinking about that kid with the rusty hair and the black eyes. I knew I shouldn't be bothered by what a complete stranger thought of me, but I was. That sort of thing always bothered me. What had I done wrong? He'd looked like he was on the verge of having a fit. It didn't make sense.

When the day was over and I went back home, I let myself think through my day, critiquing myself. I knew I wasn't supposed to do this, because it indulged my anxieties, but since it was my first day somewhere knew, I felt like I should be granted this one pardon.

The next day I was for the most part a less anxious because I knew what to expect. The only thing that worried me was that I might see Edward, and that he'd again have something against me.

I parked my truck in the school parking lot. There were fifteen minutes left before classes started, so most of the students were just starting to head inside. I grabbed my backpack and slid out of the car, stumbling a little when the force of the backpack fell off the seat and onto my back. No one saw me, though, so I slammed my door shut and headed to go inside.

"Bella!" I heard someone call. I turned to search for the sound and saw Angela standing by a rusted Camry, waving at me.

"Oh, hey," I answered, making my way over to her. She was pulling a couple books out of the back seat of her car.

"Ready for your second day?" she asked, her voice soft.

"Well if I'm not I guess I'm in trouble."

Angela smiled. "Yeah, that wouldn't be good," she agreed.

I wanted to ask her more about the Cullens, Edward in particular. She would know them better than me, so maybe she'd have a better idea of why he'd been so furious to see me. I decided not to, figuring I could ask later if the same thing happened today.

"You're in English with me, first," Angela mentioned. Was she? I hadn't exactly been paying much attention during that first class yesterday. Even if I had seen her I probably wouldn't have recognized that it was her, but I guess she'd figured as much.

"Oh, great," I sighed, glad I would have someone to talk to. She was so much easier to be around than Mike or Eric. That could be because she was a girl, since I was still tragically intimidated by most guys. For the most part, that was my biggest problem left. Talking to guys made my knees shake and my mouth go dry.

Angela also seemed so much kinder than the rest of the people I'd met. Jessica and Lauren came off as really catty and opinionated. They were the kind of people I sometimes avoided. Angela, on the other hand, seemed so much sweeter. She was more the sort of person I would hang out with than anyone else I knew in Forks.

Lunch was fairly uneventful on my second day. Edward wasn't there to join the rest of the Cullens, so I was much more relaxed. I did wonder about him, though. Why wasn't he there? Had he gotten sick? Could it have something to do with me?

Of course, it was silly of me—or maybe it was more conceited—to even consider that I might have anything to do with his absence. I was letting my anxiety-driven mind get out of hand again. I was always doing that. I always let myself think up these delusional thoughts about how people thought poorly of me. That was exactly the sort of thing I had to stop.

I don't think I talked much at lunch. It exhausted me. Being social was always a little tiring to me, but when the people were unfamiliar it was so much worse. If I kept this up I might lose my chance to make any friends. I was going to have to start talking more.

When lunch ended, I left the cafeteria again with Mike, who talked up a storm on the way to class. This time, I jumped right on in, holding up my side of the conversation.

Inside the biology room, I took my assigned seat, and Mike again took the empty seat next to me, no doubt planning on staying there until the teacher walked up to the front of the room.

"Yeah, I heard that we're going to be taking a field trip to Olympic National Park at some point this year in here," Mike said, animatedly.

"Really?" I asked, horrified. I did not mesh well with hiking. I'd learned that long ago and avoided it when I could. "Why? For what?"

"For this class. It will be great," he explained, oblivious to my reaction, "We'll be gone the whole day and miss our other classes. I think we're going to be doing some hands on stuff with the plants or something."

"Why not go to an arboretum, then?" I asked, wishing we had that alternative. Arboretums were safe and just as interesting as far as I was concerned.

"What fun is that? You ever hiked before?"

"A long time ago," I told him, honestly.

"See, you just need to try it again."

I didn't respond to that. I definitely didn't feel like I needed to try hiking again, not when I was sure to end up flat on my face.

"Well if you don't have any good boots for it you should stop by my parents' store. We own Newton's Outfitters. I can get you a discount."

Great.

"Well… thanks," I said, really hoping I wouldn't have to take him up on his offer. Maybe there would be a way I could miss the trip and do a replacement assignment instead.

It was at this point that we heard someone clear his throat. I looked up in time to see Edward Cullen reach my lab table.

"I believe this is my seat," he said, his voice ringing clear and smooth.

You have _got_ to be kidding me.

Mike turned to me again, an apologetic expression on his face. He didn't want to leave. If the alternative was that I had to sit next to Edward then I didn't want him to leave either.

"Stop by sometime," Mike said, smiling. I wouldn't get his hopes up on that.

Mike stood up and sulked over to his table a few rows behind mine. The moment he was gone I turned to face the front of the classroom, hiding my face from Edward as he set his bag on the table and took his seat.

My face flushed as Edward scooted his chair in and glanced over at me. I made a point of not looking at him. I didn't want to look over and see the same hatred fill his perfect face. I bet he wished he could sit anywhere else more than I did.

_Stop it! He has no reason not to like you. You're letting your mind get carried away. That's it._

"Did I miss anything yesterday?" he asked, his voice tense and cold, but beautiful nonetheless.

My head automatically whipped over in his direction. He looked just as stiff as he sounded. His chair was scooted as far away from mine as was possible, and it looked like he was trying hard not to look at me, either. Once again his hands were gripping the table. I immediately remembered the way he'd snapped off a piece of his cafeteria table the day before as easily as I could snap a twig. I wondered if that would happen again.

"Not really," I answered, my voice soft.

There was something very strange about the way he was sitting. It took me a moment figure out what it was, but then the answer was so obvious. He wasn't moving. At all. He looked like a statue.

My face reddened again and I turned to face the front of the room. The two of us sat there, unmoving, until class began. Edward was much better at not moving than I was, though. Maybe it was just because I fidget a lot when I'm nervous.

Once the bell signaling the end of the class rang I turned to the side to reach my backpack and slid the zipper open. By the time I had turned back to the front of the room to grab my biology textbook, Edward was no longer sitting next to me. The door to the room was swinging shut. Everyone else in the room was gathering their stuff together.

How did he _do _that?

There wasn't much that happened the rest of my first week of classes. Every day, I got to school and met up with Angela. The two of us would go to English together. Next was Trig with Jessica, who I usually didn't talk to all that much, and then Spanish.

Come lunch I sat with the same group of people, and I always, without exception, caught myself glancing over to the Cullens' table. I was always a little afraid Edward would be glaring at me, but he never was. His blonde sister, on the other hand—I think her name was Rosalie—had taken to looking over my way a few times, disapproval always evident on her angelic face.

Before biology, Mike and I would talk about whatever he wanted to talk about. I never tried to steer the conversation. Edward would arrive a few minutes into the conversation, signaling for Mike to go to his real table. That marked the start of the tense silence between Edward and me. One of those days, I found myself shaking a little. I'd had problems with social anxiety for years, but never had I been so sure of someone's disapproval of me. It was one of my biggest fears, and thanks to Edward it was fulfilled.

The weekend had been much better than the school week. Angela had called me to say that a bunch of people from our school were going to get together to watch a movie that night.

"It will be fun," she assured me. "We'll probably pop some popcorn… maybe tell ghost stories or something."

"I don't know…" I answered uncertainly. I was actually a bit intimidated by the idea of it. "I'm not sure if I can make it."

"Oh." Angela sounded disappointed. I had a feeling that she knew I had no good excuse not to go. I really felt bad about that because I would have liked to hang out with her, but I wasn't sure if I was ready yet to hang out with so many people that I'd only known for, what, six days? That was a lot to take.

"Maybe we can do something before you head over there, though?" I suggested. I might not have wanted to be surrounded by people, but I didn't want to be a hermit, either.

"Yeah, sure," Angela said, sounding a little more energized. "Like what?"

"I don't know. What is there to do around here?"

"Not much," Angela laughed. "If you want to do something good you usually have to go to Port Angeles. Unless you like hiking through the woods there isn't a lot to do here."

"Then how about you come over here?" I suggested.

"Yeah. When do you want me over?"

"Whenever. You can come now if you want. I've got nothing going on here."

I heard Charlie come down the stairs at this point, whistling some upbeat tune. When he saw I was on the phone he stopped and headed over to the fridge.

"I might be half an hour," she said. "I've got to finish my English essay now if I'm going to be gone all day."

"That's fine. Do you know where I live?" I knew it was a small town and that there were no secrets, but I wasn't sure if where I lived was considered common knowledge or not.

"Yeah, I think so. I know essentially where you live and I know what your house looks like. I'll manage."

"Alright, then. I'll see you soon."

When I hung up the phone, Charlie was standing by the microwave, heating up a frozen dinner. "So you've got someone coming over?" he asked me, leaning against the counter. He seemed cheered by the idea.

"Yup. Angela's coming over in a bit."

"Weber?" he questioned me.

"Yeah. I've got a few classes with her," I explained.

"A nice girl," he commented softly and then paused for a moment. "So if I head out today, then, you'll be fine?" he asked uncertainly.

"Mmhmm. Where are you going?"

"I fish with Billy a lot on the weekends. It's not a huge deal. I can stay home if you ever need me to."

"Well you don't need to today," I insisted. "Really." Even once Angela left, if Charlie wasn't back by then it would be nice to have the house to myself for a little while.

"Okay, Bells. I'm just grabbing a quick bite and then I'll be out of your hair."

I went back up to my room until Angela arrived so I could work on my English essay. I knew I wasn't going to finish it right then, but that was part of the beauty of not joining her to watch movies. I'd be able to finish it and the rest of my homework once she left and then have the rest of the weekend to relax.

True to her word, Angela knocked on my door nearly exactly 30 minutes after I had hung up with her. I gave her a brief tour of my house and then we went up in my room for a while. I put some music in my CD player and the two of us lounged around on my bed and talked about some of the most random things. It was just so easy to be friends with her.

At one point, Angela admitted to having a crush on this one guy who, honestly, I couldn't remember. His name was Ben.

"Honestly, you probably won't have much trouble finding him. He's kind of short. I'm actually taller than him," she told me, her lips pulling into a bashful smile. Ah, the drawbacks of being tall. I most likely would never have that problem.

"Well maybe you'll have to point him out to me, then," I suggested.

"Yeah. You'll probably see him on Monday," she thought out loud. "Has anyone caught your attention?"

The truth was that someone had, but not really in the way she meant. I thought about Edward Cullen a lot, just not romantically. "I'm not sure," I admitted. "I'm not really looking for anyone, though." Honestly, as much as I dreamed about finding a guy I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to handle it too well.

Angela's expression turned understanding. Sometimes I wondered whether she could pick up more than I was saying out loud, but then again my mom had always told me that I was an open book.

"Though I do have a question about someone at school."

"Alright."

"Is Edward always so—cold? I get the feeling that he hates me."

Angela's eyebrows knit together. "Really? That's weird."

"So he's nice to you, then?" I asked, discouraged. Clearly his scowl was saved for me.

"Well, not exactly. He's really," Angela paused to think of the right word, "cordial. He's gentlemanly or something, I don't know, but he doesn't go past that. He doesn't really talk to anyone outside of his family."

"Does he try to keep away from you?"

"Edward does that?" Angela asked, surprised. I nodded. "No. I've never seen him do a single rude thing ever. He just makes polite small talk."

"Maybe I'm just misinterpreting something," I suggested. I didn't really believe it though.

"Yeah, maybe." Angela seemed more likely to believe this.

One thing was certain. Whatever it was that made Edward so angry and tense was entirely exclusive to me.

A/N: I hope you liked the second chapter! I will love you guys forever if you write a review or give me some sort of feedback! Next chapter, you'll get to see Edward and Bella's first real conversation. Depending on how long that part is, I might write a little from Edward's perspective. We shall see!

If any of you guys are into writing, let me know. I'm trying to create a role-play site for Twilight. It will start from the very beginning of the first book, and all the characters will have the same histories and personalities as the ones in the book. The only difference is that the RPers will get to make the plot go the way they want. I'm playing Edward, by the way. I want to dazzle people!

If I hear that people are interested I'll post a link for the site on my next chapter (which should be soon seeing as how I've been writing a lot lately!)


	3. Cautious Proceedings

A/N : Thanks for the reviews, guys! In this chapter, you get to see Edward and Bella's first real conversation… and a lot of it is seen through Edward's eyes! Hope you like that! )

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh

--

I sat staring at my crossword puzzle. I'd never been particularly great at them, but I had this one about halfway done. It was what I had to do before biology. I'd gone to class prepared, because there was no way I was going to sit through that intense silence and just stare blankly in front of me.

'Forty-one across: Crocheted coverlets.' I paused for a moment, tapped my eraser on the newspaper a couple times, and filled in 'AFGHANS.' I wasn't positive it was right, but it would work for now.

'Thirty-four down: Well-known tower.' It was three letters long, the second letter being the second 'A' in 'afghan.' Well, that couldn't be right. Maybe 'afghan' was wrong. I tried to list all the towers I knew to myself, any of them that had short names: Sears Tower, Eifel Tower… but those had five letters. Something, 'A,' something. Nothing fit.

My pencil hovered over the clue. I was missing something. Surely I was. If it was well-known, how come I couldn't think of the answer?

"Triple A."

My head snapped to the side when I heard the velvety voice next to me. His eyes, which had been lingering on the crossword, jumped up to meet mine. Did he just speak to me?

"Sorry?" I asked, feeling oddly at a loss for words. It was like my brain had stopped working properly.

"The clue said 'Well-known tower.' The answer's 'Triple A.' Tower isn't a building, it's a towing company."

I looked back down at the clue. It fit. "Oh… that's tricky," I commented, penciling 'AAA' in the blanks.

"Yes, they try to trick you when they can." His lips stretched into a crooked smile. Why was he talking to me? I thought he hated me. It was hard to believe that now, though, when his expression was so warm. He looked different. His face looked softer, I knew, but I wasn't convinced that that was only because he was smiling.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I ever properly introduced myself," he continued when I had said nothing in response. "I'm Edward."

I was still completely baffled by this extreme change in his behavior, and considering that and my sudden deer-in-headlights syndrome it took me a moment before I managed to answer, "I'm Bella."

"You're surprised I'm talking to you," he said, not as a question but as an observation. I guess it probably was easy to tell with me staring like an idiot.

"Well, yeah, you've made a point of saying as little to me as possible all last week."

"If I remember correctly I spoke more than you did."

He had a point there. I wasn't sure if I wanted to point out that the only reason I hadn't spoken much was because he'd glared at me as though I was the devil incarnate. Did I really want to remind him that he had had such an intense reason to dislike me?

"Well why the sudden change?"

Edward's eye contact with me strengthened. I got the feeling that he was looking for something in my eyes. He was trying to decide how to respond. "I decided I'd been rude before."

"Don't worry about it." I hadn't wanted to say that. I didn't want to make him think it was fine to stare at me through murderous eyes, but my weakness was that I was always searching for acceptance. If there was something I could do that would make someone think better of me, I often did it. At least I could take comfort in that I didn't do that as much as I used to.

"So you like doing crossword puzzles?"

"Only on days when I think the people I sit next to are going to be rude." I said. It was his word, not mine. He chuckled.

"I guess I had that coming," he allowed. The intensity of his eyes made me want to hide, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to turn away. Impossibly, I did. I blinked and looked down at the desk in front of me. It felt so much safer.

EPOV

One of the most surprising things about Bella Swan was that where most girls wouldn't be so quick to let go what had happened her first week here she had. She had dropped the subject. I had wanted to kill her. I had wanted to leap across the cafeteria the first day I'd met her and rip through the skin on her neck. I'd wanted to drink her dry. While I doubted this girl knew I had wanted—and still wanted this very second—to kill her, there was no way she could have been oblivious to the way I had acted. She should think I was crazy. She should think I was the most unkind person she had ever met.

It worried her, it must have. Otherwise why would she have confided in Angela about me? I'd heard her thoughts of some conversation the two girls had had. Bella had wanted to know why I seemed to hate her. She showed no sign of resentment. Perhaps she did resent me, but there was no way for me to even know that for sure, because this insignificant girl had some way to block my thoughts.

That was what really drove me crazy.

Never in nearly a hundred years had I had to try to figure out what was going on in someone's head. I always knew automatically. I didn't search their thoughts out, their thoughts found me. I was so used to knowing their thoughts that I depended so very much on it. I needed to know what people were thinking.

When Bella looked at me, I had some vague idea of what she was thinking. I could see the faintest shadows of her thoughts in her expressions, but she had to intensify my frustration by refusing me even that. She was looking at the black lab table in front of her. She was giving me nothing to go by. How difficult she was!

Most girls gave in entirely to me under my gaze. They'd stare in awe, their defenses down. They were meant to—it was how vampires attracted their prey. This girl didn't. She fought it. Why? It didn't make sense. Why was she so different?

I was going to figure her out, though. I was determined to. Whether I was going to find a way to hear what she was thinking or else know her enough that I could figure out her thoughts, I would crack this.

Mr. Banner stood up from his desk at the front of the class and pushed a small paper tray to the edge. Class didn't start for a few more minutes but he didn't want fieldtrip business to cut into his class time. "I hope you all still have your permission slips for our trip to Olympic National Park on Friday," he said, resting his hand on the desk by the paper tray. "They're due Wednesday in class, but if you've got them now, you can set them right in here." _I bet I'm going to have to get more slips. They always lose them over the weekend…._

I reached in my pocket and pulled out the slip we'd been handed on Friday. It was laughable that I should need to fill one of these out when I was older than the teacher--when nothing, not the animals nor the landscape, could possibly bring any harm to me.

I heard Bella sigh softly next to me as she pulled her permission slip out of her backpack.

"Are you not looking forward to the trip?" I questioned her. It wouldn't surprise me. Word was that she'd grown up in Phoenix. She probably hadn't ever really hiked before.

"How did you know that?" she asked me, her eyes snapping up to mine again, only for a second.

My eyes widened ever so slightly. Crap. I'd been trying so hard to use any clue I could to figure her out that I had forgotten that it was unnatural for people to hear as much as I could. Her sigh had probably not been anything more than a soundless exhale to her. "Your body language gives away more than you think," I lied smoothly. I watched the skin crinkle between her eyebrows as she frowned slightly.

"I don't really like hiking," she answered, her eyes holding mine for just a second longer and then flickered away again.

If only I could get her to look at me! The normal 'laws' didn't apply to her. "Why is that?" I spoke to myself. Did she look away because she was strong enough to resist? Because she could feel that I was dangerous? Because she wasn't as forgiving as I had thought?

"Because no one should ever have to see me hiking." She had assumed my question referred to her dislike for hiking.

I smirked. "I'm sure you're not that bad at hiking. So many people say they are bad at something and they are no worse than everyone else."

"No, trust me. I can find something to trip on when I'm walking on a flat surface."

I still wasn't convinced that she wasn't exaggerating, but I let that pass. "So then why go on the trip?" I asked. Most high schoolers have no problem playing hooky.

"Aren't I supposed to go?" she asked, suddenly confused.

"That wouldn't stop a lot of people."

"Well, I figure in a town this size I can't just say Charlie refused to sign my slip. I'm sure word would get around somehow, and I'd rather not pretend to be sick in bed all day."

That still wouldn't stop a lot of people, but I said nothing.

A particularly strong gust of air swept through the room as five more students came into the room. I had been breathing as little as I could as a precaution, but a moment's weakness was all it took. I was caught unprepared as Bella Swan's concentrated scent slapped me right in the face. I was overcome once more by a deep-seeded desire to rip the girl next to me to shreds. It would be so easy. All I would have to do was decide to do it and it would be done. My mouth filled with venom.

No! I would not let myself do it! If I acted, I would mess everything up, not just for me, but my whole family. We would have to move again, and I knew my brothers and sisters wouldn't like the idea of having to start over again as sophomores in high school so soon.

If I killed her, I would never forgive myself. I was done with killing people. I had promised myself I would never do it again.

But she smelled so good….

I held my breath and pushed my chair away from Bella a sixteenth of a second after I smelled her scent. I had hunted every day last weekend to prepare myself for this. It wasn't going to be enough. I could still remember the way she smelled. I could imagine the way her blood would feel going down my throat.

Bella turned to look at me again, no doubt recognizing that I was doing what I had done last week. I had been so sure, having heard Angela's thoughts and having filled myself past what I thought possible with blood already that I would be able to handle a conversation with her.

"You're eyes are different," she commented. She was entranced by my eyes again.

"What?" I asked. She had caught me off-guard. I couldn't think right when every ounce of my will was focused on not killing the girl next to me.

"They're golden."

Yeah, my eyes were different from most people's. It came with the territory. My lifestyle, hunting animals, gave me golden butterscotch eyes. My usual explanation was an automatic one. "Some people have golden eyes. It's a genetic mutation." That last part was a lie, but most people were willing to accept the possibility. At least, they were more willing to accept that then the idea that I could be some supernatural creature.

"No, I mean they're different than before. They were black before."

I tried to play indifferent. I forced myself to laugh. "Believe it or not you aren't the first to tell me that. It must be a trick of the light." What was I doing wrong today? How was this girl figuring out more about me than I was about her? I was going to have to convince her that she didn't know as much as she did.

I was going to even the score.

"You sure you want to turn that in?" I asked her, motioning to her permission slip. I was desperate for a reason to get away from her for a moment. She couldn't follow me up to the front of the room. I was out of air. I wouldn't be able to figure out more about her if I couldn't speak.

"Yeah. Might as well," she answered, and before she got the chance to pick it up herself I snatched the slip of paper. I was very careful only to move as fast as I had to in order to get it before she did. I wordlessly got up and set our two pieces of paper in the tray on Mr. Banner's desk and took in a deliciously clean breath of air. I could do this. I could make it through class.

Returning to my seat next to Bella, I returned my chair to its previous position a little closer to Bella. Now was not the time to call attention to the fact that there was something different about me.

"Guess you've got no choice now but to go," I stated, pointing out the obvious.

Bella groaned. "Just don't laugh too hard when I fall… but yeah, I guess I'm going."

The surprised I'd felt so far in biology that day was nothing to surprise of realizing that I was glad she would be going on the field trip, too.

--

A/N: That's it for today. I already have ideas for my next chapter so hopefully I'll get that out soon. Please review my story! I will love you guys forever if you do!

I did get a few messages asking about my twilight RP, so here's the url

goldeneyesrp.probo ards 101. com/index.cgi

(remove the spaces)

If you are interested and have any questions AT ALL you can send me a message here or write something in the CBox at the bottom of the website… or else write something in the Help Forum near the top of the page.


	4. Damage Control

A/N: Wow, you guys rock! Thanks for reviewing! I just got really excited because I wasn't expecting as many reviews as I'd gotten… nor as many alerts or favorites! It inspired me to start writing a little within an hour of posting my chapter! (see, this is why you guys want to review! : P)

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh.

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At the end of biology, Edward again managed to disappear out the door before I'd even managed to put my book back in my backpack. I guess at the end of the day, the conversation we'd just had hadn't mattered.

I don't know why I let myself believe that the fact that he had wanted to talk to me would make us even the least bit friends. I must have done something wrong. Maybe I'd said something I shouldn't have. Maybe… I felt my cheeks flush. How lost had I gotten in his eyes? Had he noticed? Correction: how could he _not_ have when I started talking about them? That just might have been the dumbest thing I've ever said. It had just…come out. He probably thought I was falling in love with him or something. No doubt he thought that I had some serious attachment issues. Okay, so maybe I did have attachment issues… but instead of becoming attached to people really easily, the exact opposite was true for me.

I had tried to keep from losing myself in his eyes, but clearly I hadn't done a good job of it. I'd creeped him out. _Way to go, Bella._

Normally I would try to point out to myself why this wasn't necessarily true, but in this case it didn't seem like there was another explanation. I'd never, _ever_, stared at a guy like that before.

I must be losing my mind.

My day didn't get better after biology. Gym that day involved rope climbing. I had an impossibly difficult time even getting on the thing, and when I'd finally managed to get three feet off the ground my feet lost their purchase on the rope. I fell backwards onto the blue mat below. Thank god that mat was squashy. I'd saved my tailbone from abuse, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to develop a nasty purple bruise within the next 24 hours.

I had no idea how Charlie had managed to live alone for so long. How could someone live entirely off of cereal, frozen dinners, and take-out? I had only put up for it for one week and already I was getting sick of it. School cafeteria food was starting to look appealing, so clearly something wasn't right.

On my way home from school, I stopped by the grocery store. I had never done much cooking, but I knew it couldn't be too hard. Many recipes were really simple, and besides, some things came semi-premade. I picked out some chicken, bread crumbs, cheese, fruit, and pasta among other things. I knew that it would be money out of my wallet for now, but I didn't expect Charlie would make me pay for food when he's always paid for it before… especially not if I would be saving him money in the end.

I kept the first meal simple. I took some packaged ravioli and stirred it in boiling water. When that was nearly cooked through, I took out some meaty spaghetti sauce and heated that up in a bowl.

By the time Charlie got home from work, the kitchen smelled like cheesy Italian cuisine.

Charlie came in through the door, a worn expression on his face. A couple steps into the living room, however, he straightened up, sniffing the air. "Bells? You cooking?" he asked me. He seemed to be trying to decide whether or not this was a good thing. He had no way to know if I could cook.

"Kind of," I answered from the kitchen, pouring the ravioli out of the pot and into the strainer. "I hope you like ravioli."

"Wow," my dad answered, speechless. "You didn't have to cook, honey." I half wanted to answer 'yes I did,' but I figured that might be rude.

"I wanted to cook," I said. I had always wanted to learn how to do it right, so this wasn't a lie. "I'll be done in just a minute."

Charlie went upstairs to put some of his things away from work, and by the time he came back down I was sprinkling shredded cheese on top of the ravioli and tomato sauce. He fetched us something to drink and we sat down for our first 'homemade' meal.

We ate in relative silence. We still weren't too good with talking to each other yet, but we managed to get by on discussing our days. I conveniently left out anything and everything that had to do with Edward Cullen.

The phone rang just as we were sitting around the table, asking what our plans were for the night. Dad got up to get the phone and I grabbed my plate and his to take to the sink.

"Hello?... Just a second."

I looked over at Charlie at this. "For me?" I asked him curiously.

"Yeah, it's Angela. Go ahead and take this, I'll do the dishes."

I had to admit that I was glad I had someone who would call me so soon after moving to town. I took the phone and pressed it to my ear. "Angela? Hey, what's up?"

"Hey, Bella. I'm not interrupting anything am I?" she asked me.

"No, not really. We just finished dinner."

"Okay good. I'm calling for two reasons. One, because I'm really wanting to wait a little longer before I start my homework, and two, because I figured you'd want to know that Mike is crushing hard on you."

I looked over to my dad who was rinsing the tomato sauce off of our plates. I really hope he wasn't close enough to have heard that.

"Really? How do you know?" I asked as I walked into the living room as far as the cord would allow and let myself fall onto the couch.

"Well first of all, you can kind of tell by watching him."

"Seriously?" This was not good. What was I supposed to do about Mike?

"Yeah," Angela affirmed. "But today… I don't know what happened in your biology class today, but suddenly Mike hates Edward."

I couldn't help but feel a little defensive on Edward's behalf. "What did Edward do that was so wrong?" I asked.

"By the sound of things, he talked to you."

"And that's the whole reason Mike hates Edward?" This was wrong. This was so wrong. I talked to Edward once and suddenly one of my friends was going crazy. Well, I didn't know how good of friends Mike and I were, but I was not prepared for something like this.

"Yeah. That and the fact that he's convinced you were ogling him."

"I was not ogling Edward!" I argued, now defensive for myself. I couldn't let anyone think that. It was too embarrassing.

"I didn't say you were," Angela maintained. She sounded sincere. "I'm sorry. I swear I'm not trying to make things all dramatic. I just thought… you'd want to be warned."

"Warned?"

"Yeah… in case Mike starts acting funny."

I sighed into the phone. "Well, thanks."

"Your welcome."

I pulled my legs up onto the couch with me and wrapped my free arm around my knees. "Do you think I should distance myself from him a little or something?"

"If you don't like Mike like that…"

"I don't," I immediately answered.

"Well, then, you should know that Mike is a pretty persistent guy."

Of course he would be. It was just my luck that a persistent guy would like me when I wasn't even capable of keeping myself together around guys long enough to have any sort of relationship. "What do you think I should do, then?"

"I don't know. We should just see how Mike is, first."

"Okay." I paused again. "Thanks Angela," I said again.

I didn't stay on the phone much longer with Angela. We both had work we had to get done. Within ten more minutes, I walked back into the kitchen and hung up the telephone. Dad was helping himself to some of the store-bought brownies I'd brought home earlier.

"So you're friends with Mike and Edward?" Charlie asked me, trying in vain to sound casual.

I groaned a little. I had not been thinking about what parts of my conversation with Angela Charlie would be hearing. I had gotten distracted when I was worrying about what to do with Mike. "It's nothing."

"You sure? Nothing you want to talk about?"

"Nothing," I agreed. "Honestly, the whole thing is kind of stupid."

Charlie looked a little relieved. I wasn't sure if he could handle having a talk about boys with me just yet. Not when he was barely used to having a daughter around.

"Okay, then. Glad everything's alright."

I wasn't sure I'd go that far, but I smiled anyway and excused myself to go do homework.

I didn't sleep too well that night.

In the morning, I met up with Angela in the parking lot, as usual. I was a little later than usual, so she joined me at my truck as I got my backpack together and made sure I had what I would need for the day.

As I shouldered my bag, I saw Mike making his way across the parking lot over to where Angela and I stood. He had a tense smile plastered on his face. Angela and I made eye contact for a brief moment. She had been right. I don't know why I was surprised; I knew she was a pretty perceptive person. Judging by the way she was looking at me, I could tell she knew I was not looking forward to this. There was a trace of a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Hey, Mike," she called out to him once he was just a few feet away. "How are you?"

"Hey, I'm good. Thought I'd join this party over here today." He looked very pleased with himself.

"Oh, well it's not too much of a party," I muttered, looking over at Angela more than I was Mike. "We were just headed to class."

"Well that's great, because my first class is in the building right by you guys.'"

"Yeah, come on," Angela invited. She shot an apologetic look over in my direction. She wasn't one to flat out deny anyone. I would have probably done the same thing.

Angela maneuvered herself in between me and Mike. The three of us barely said anything on the way to the buildings, most likely because Mike wanted to talk to me and Angela and I couldn't really talk about what we would have normally. It put an uneasy silence between all of us, but on the positive side it would set the stage for me showing Mike that I didn't like him as more than a friend.

I was going to have to thank Angela later on for this.

Mike parted ways with Angela and me twenty feet from our English class. "I'll see you guys at lunch," he had said, taking a few steps backwards so he could face us as he started to walk away. "Bye, Bella." Again, that smile of his peeked through and he tried to make eye contact with me. I didn't make it easy for him

"See you," I said, smiling only as much as I had to so I wouldn't seem callous. I felt horrible. I didn't want to do this to Mike. I didn't want to flat-out tell him 'no' because I didn't want to lose him as a friend… but he was too nice to deserve this. It wasn't his fault that I was terrified of relationships.

No, that wasn't necessarily true. I longed to have a relationship. It was more the intimacy that scared the crap out of me. It wasn't just the physical intimacy that I was trying to avoid, although that was a huge factor for me. Even the emotional intimacy… I wasn't sure I would ever be able to tell someone exactly what went on in my mind. I just couldn't bear to let someone in and know the real me. What if they didn't like what they saw?

Angela pushed her way through the door to our English classroom first. I was glad she did, because it gave me a moment to shut my eyes and breathe out. It gave me a split second to let my protective wall down and let what was going on in my head run rampant. It felt so good not to guard myself.

I recomposed myself and adjusted my backpack on my shoulders. If I let myself take longer than a second, Angela might turn back to see if I was coming in after her.

As I reached for the doorknob my eye caught on a figure standing at the door a building down. At first I thought it must be Mike, but when I turned my head to look properly I realized it was Edward. He was watching me intently, a mildly thoughtful expression clear on his face. I would have guessed he'd been listening in on us if it weren't for the fact that he was standing too far away to hear anything… not to mention the fact that barely anything had been said at all. My eyes widened just slightly, and he fought back what would have undoubtedly been a laugh. That was my cue to step through the door.

It was harder to avoid Mike during lunch. We had a full thirty minutes together, and I couldn't use class as an excuse not to talk to him. I tried a little harder than usual to talk to other people when I could, particularly Angela. She was my confederate in this whole thing. Each time I avoided him, I felt the same stab of guilt crush my chest. Maybe this wasn't worth it. Maybe it would be easier than I thought to just tell him to back off.

By the time lunch was over, my resolve to simply avoid Mike was failing. The point of my plan had been to subtly get the idea across to him, but if I kept this up any longer I would just be jerking him around.

When we walked to biology together, him talking animatedly as usual, he walked closer to me than normal. His arm brushed against mine the whole way there. At one point the back of his hand 'accidentally' grazed the back of mine. It was like he was trying to get the courage to grab my hand. I had to stop him before he could make a real move, because this wasn't working. If I let him make a move just so I could turn him down, wouldn't that make me some sort of monster?

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk when there were fewer people around. Mike naturally stopped with me. "Did you forget something?" he asked me, glancing back in the direction of the cafeteria.

"No. Mike, you can't do this, okay?" I said, hoping I could get the message across without being too straightforward.

"What, walk you to class?" he asked me. His eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out what I'd meant.

"No. I mean any of this." Mike's face softened as he started to comprehend what I was saying. "_I _can't do this," I corrected, trying to be fair, "so please, don't try." I fully met his eyes here, trying to convince him that he shouldn't keep trying.

"Oh… that's cool." His eyes flickered away. Rejection sucks.

We walked the rest of the way to biology in silence. This time, Mike didn't follow me to my lab table to chat. I wasn't sure if it was because he was nursing his ego or if he was mad at me. What if he _was_ mad at me? Had I handled this wrong? Should I have confronted him sooner? I definitely should have.

I knew the day wasn't going to get too much better. Any second now, Edward would walk through those doors. I was going to have to make a point of not looking at him and prove that I wasn't some hormone-riddled girl with a silly crush. I would have to undo the damage I had done yesterday. I just could not let him think that I liked him. No one was allowed to see that part of me.

I'd done this sort of thing before. It was no big deal. I had done nearly the same thing with Mike, only this time, rather than convince someone else not to pursue me, I had to prove that I wasn't doing any pursuing.

And yet I couldn't deny that part of me wanted so badly to see those golden eyes again.

A/N: I hope you guys liked his chapter! I've got the next 3 or so chapters perfectly outlined so you guys should get another update soon! Yay for updates!

Next chapter, you will probably see some stuff from Edward's point of view! There might also be some BPOV.


	5. Sept 23: a note and info about SAD

Hey guys! Unfortunately I'm not posting a chapter today. I know, I'm upset about it, too : (

I'm writing this post for two reasons. The main reason is to explain the delay, and then secondly, in hopes of giving you guys something to read that you might like anyway.

So here's the thing. For the past four days I've probably written a chapter a day (not including little snippets of future events and conversation that came to me that I wanted to record so I wouldn't forget them). I probably can't continue writing one chapter a day as much as I would ABSOLUTELY love to. I know for sure that I would if this was a break from school.

It's just that I've been writing for this two hours a day, and I've also joined one of my college's dance teams that meets 3 times a week for a couple hours each time and I'm interning in a psychology lab. Fitting in time to read for classes has not been as high on my priority list as it should be. I was just too excited about writing this story to care, but I got a little bit of a reality check today!

That's why I've got to take a day or two off before I post again. I've got 3 tests in different classes within the next week, each worth about a quarter of my grade for that class. I really need to buckle down a little and get on track for preparing for them. I think, though, that once those pass I'll be able to relax a little and post a little more often.

I WILL say, though, that the next chapter is about half way done, and I'm pretty happy with it so far. I might use writing as a break from studying, but either way I don't expect I am likely to get it up until Thursday….

…Maybe Wednesday if I've got the time and/or I find myself inspired by reviews, haha! No promises either way, but I'm very eager to get the next chapter posted. ** I promise I will never hold off on posting a chapter if it is done, or intentionally pause my writing for reviews**... but I'm human. Reviews make me excited about the story, and that gets me thinking and makes it more fun and easier to write.

* * *

I figured, since I can't post a chapter and since I've gotten a couple posts showing interest in what social anxiety disorder is like, I'd write up a little crash course in SAD. Of course you don't have to read it. It's mainly for if you're curious.

Social anxiety order (aka social phobia) isn't really the fear of people. It would be more accurate to say that it's the fear of being judged poorly. People with SAD often go to extreme lengths to avoid situations in which they feel like they might be criticized, judged, or embarrassed. They might avoid speaking up in class, talking to people they don't know, using public restrooms, approaching someone they like or an authority figure, or eating in public to name a few. The thing is, they know that their fears are irrational and they know there is no reason to be afraid of them.

Sometimes, when people with SAD get really anxious, they develop some physical symptoms. They might shake, sweat, blush, and stumble over their words. Their hearts might beat wildly and some people get dizzy. Hands may go numb, and their mouth may go dry. They might have an extreme desire to just run away and escape the situation. Nausea and stomach aches aren't uncommon, either. They can be pretty intense. When a certain number of these happen at once, that's considered a panic attack. Often, if they develop these symptoms, that just makes them more nervous because they are afraid people will realize they are afraid and think that they are overreacting or that something is wrong with them. It can be a gruesome cycle.

Sometimes, people with SAD dread an upcoming social event for weeks. Afterwards, they might rehash every little detail of what happened, picking out every miniscule thing they did wrong. They might be embarrassed about those things for way longer than most would—weeks or months longer. It depends on how severe it is.

People with SAD are more likely to fall into depression of alcoholism than the average person. They are less likely to make friends or get married. They are less likely to succeed in a career (since many involve social situations that people with SAD are afraid of).

Note that in this fic, Bella is recovering from SAD. It's a really slow process to recover. At this point in the story, she's taking medication as well as practicing some techniques she's learned in therapy, such as deep breathing and, essentially, having a debate against the automatic thoughts that pop up saying things like "You're going to make a fool of yourself" or "They probably think there's something wrong with you." In order to overcome fears like Bella has, you have to face them and prove to yourself that they aren't as scary as you thought they were.

To answer a question one person asked me about Bella not having a panic attack… patience ;-). She's in a stage of her recovery where they aren't as common, but I can't possibly write a story about someone with SAD without throwing one in somewhere.

Hope this helps you guys understand Bella a little more!


	6. Curiosities and Interrogations

A/N: Yay, another chapter! All you guys who have been reviewing my stories, thank you so much!! They all make me smile and they give me a little more motivation to write, so thank you! I figured I'd respond to some of my reviews here, since I don't know how else to do it. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I'm glad that my last post helped some of you understand SAD better (and even someone you know!). I figure people with SAD usually don't get their voices out very often, so I'm very glad if my story or my last post had any effect at all!

**MentalMaddy- **Yes, it did help! When I saw your post it made me laugh and then feel like throwing in an extra half hour of writing instead of cleaning my room! Lol, trying to decide if that's good or bad…

**ginnyinvisible- **I'm a junior. I know, I was surprised I had tests this early, too! Glad you like the story, though!

**TriGemini**- Thanks! Haha, yeah, it should be interesting to see Bella and Edward finally get together when they both have reasons they care about that slow them down… I'm looking forward to writing it… grin

**VampireKa-Lyrra**- Yay, it makes me happy that it helped people understand! Thank you so much for all your reviews! I'm glad you like my story!

--

EPOV

I considered my first real conversation with Bella a success overall. I might not have learned a whole lot about her, but she was talking to me, now. It was somewhere to start from, and considering how rude I'd been the first week of classes, that was a pretty big achievement. As far as I was concerned, I was well on my way to figuring her out.

The way she was acting today, however, made me uncertain. I had seen her as she and Angela had parted from Mike for their first classes. Mike had practically been singing in his head after that, but I could tell from Bella's face and Angela's thoughts that Mike had not been welcome. Bella, in particular, clearly wasn't excited. Before she followed Angela into her English class, she had completely lost her composure. For one second, she looked exhausted and frustrated, maybe even a little glum. I couldn't figure out why, though.

To be fair, maybe I shouldn't have been listening in, but when Bella noticed me watching, her reaction made my day. I saw in her eyes the same response she had probably seen in mine when she had made the comment about my eyes. This time, _she_ had shown _me _something she hadn't intended to show. Hadn't I said I would even the score?

I used lunch period to figure out more about what had happened that morning. Alice was trying to get Jasper to eat a potato wedge, and Rosalie and Emmett were simply gazing into each other's eyes. The couples were being couply, which left me free to search through Angela's and Mike's mind a little more.

_I wonder if she would pull her hand away if I tried to hold it._ I frowned. That was definitely Mike's thought. For a few minutes, no one thought anything that particularly interested me, but then Angela's thoughts finally gave me something else I could use.

_She won't be able to avoid him on the way to biology. _

Oh really, now? Bella was avoiding Mike… because she didn't like him, back? Why would Bella do that? Most girls, Jessica, in particular, were crazy about Mike. Was it because she thought he wasn't good enough for her? I wasn't sure that was it, because I doubted that Angela would lend a hand to help with something like that. It could be that Bella was resistant to make any strong connections in Forks. Most people would have trouble accepting a life in a town like Forks after living in a city like Phoenix, after all.

What was with this girl? I had earned degrees in Sociology, Psychology, Biology, and most other subjects that dealt with people _and_ I could read minds… and yet this girl was still a mystery to me.

I allowed myself a glance at Bella. What was it about her? She _was_ rather pretty. Maybe she really did think that Mike wasn't good enough for her. Maybe that was why she didn't seem to have many friends. It was possible that she just had a big ego. I couldn't imagine why a girl like her wouldn't have a lot of friends in a town like this unless it was because she didn't like them. She must choose to be alone. Still, that didn't match with the fact that Angela seemed to like being with her. Angela wouldn't be friends with someone like that.

_God, he's looking at her again. He'd better stop._ Mike was complaining in his head. I couldn't keep myself from laughing a little. It made me oddly pleased that Mike saw me as a threat.

My laugh attracted Jasper's attention. I pretended I didn't notice he was looking at me. _What is with him lately?_

Suddenly, my elevated mood was gone.

_Chill out, man_, Jasper thought back at me. _What's with the mood swings today?_

I sent him a look that clearly showed my annoyance. Jasper shrugged his shoulders, deciding to stay out of it. _Fine._

_Just do it._ Again Mike's thoughts echoed in my head. He and Bella were gathering their things and getting ready to head to biology. I had to see this.

_Grab her hand. Grab her hand._

"See you at the car," I muttered to my family, excusing myself from the table so that I could watch this show play out.

Mike was fumbling horribly. I almost felt bad for him each time his hand jerked, trying to make itself act. If he hadn't done it yet, he wasn't going to be able to.

Suddenly, Bella stopped. I was not surprised that Mike stopped immediately after.

"Did you forget something?"

"No. Mike, you can't do this, okay?"

"What, walk you to class?"

"No. I mean any of this. _I _can't do this so please, don't try."

I was grateful Jasper wasn't around to feel my reaction to this.

--

When I entered the biology classroom, I was relieved to see that for once I didn't have to ask Mike to take his own seat. I wasn't too happy, however, with the fact that Bella had her crossword puzzle out again. That wasn't a good sign. Hadn't she said that she had brought it out because she had thought I was going to ignore her again?

I set my books down on the lab table, making just enough noise to show Bella that I was there. She didn't look up. I frowned a little and took my seat, glancing to the side to look at her. She was further along on this crossword puzzle than she was on yesterday's.

"I'm not planning on being rude today," I told her, watching as she wrote a word in on her puzzle.

"I know," she said simply. She didn't move her head in the slightest or pause in any way. Her heart was beating rather fast, though.

Bella Swan was avoiding me. There was no other explanation. Why was she doing it? I wasn't stalking her, I wasn't trying to grab her hand, and I had only really spoken to her once. True, I had ignored her last week, but it had seemed, yesterday, that she was past that. What could have changed in 24 hours?

Again, I wondered if she just didn't want to be friends with the sorts of people who lived in Forks. It wasn't just Mike. It was everyone. Hadn't she also turned down an invitation to join her classmates watching movies? I was pretty sure I'd heard a few people's thoughts on that. She could be smug or vain. That still didn't explain the fact that someone like Angela would want to be her friend. I was thoroughly stumped. That just didn't happen to me.

"I'm at a loss, here. Are you mad at me?"

Bella's forehead crinkled and she looked to the side at me. She looked just as confused as I did. "Should I be?"

"I'd prefer you not be." My eyes locked with hers.

"Well I'm not."

What was she doing? Why did she have to be so different from every other human? I understood almost every student at Forks better than their parents ever would, and if one of them were the ones whose thoughts I couldn't hear, I still would be able to figure them out.

I was almost positive Bella wasn't lying. With her looking at me, I would have been able to sniff out a lie—or at least I'd like to think I could. Bella's cheeks turned a faint pink under my gaze.

Mike swore loudly inside his head.

"So why the crosswords?"

Bella turned away from me again, looking down at the puzzle. "They're something to do before class."

"You know, most people use this time to talk to their classmates."

"Well then I guess I'm not like most people."

"No kidding," I muttered whispered softly to myself. If she heard me, she acted like she didn't. Bella wrote in another word on her puzzle. She was back to the silence.

I was out of air. I tried to be inconspicuous as I turned away and filled my lungs with as much air as I could. It burned going down, but I could handle it. "How come you're so quiet?"

"Why do you do that?"

I froze. Was she picking up on me turning away to breathe? That was something I would not be able to explain away as easily… or at least not without offending. I could just play dumb.

"Do what?" I asked, deciding that was the safest way to proceed.

"You're always asking me questions. I feel like I'm being interrogated."

"Maybe you are," I said, relieved that she hadn't noticed anything else that wasn't particularly human. I was willing to admit to intentionally asking a lot of questions if it meant that I kept anything about me being a monster a secret. "Does that bother you?"

Bella laughed out in exasperation. "Again! Why are you psychoanalyzing me?"

"Well, you're pretty atypical." Bella didn't seem to know what to make of that. She almost looked embarrassed by my assessment. "I don't mean to offend. It's just a statement of fact."

She still looked puzzled, but before she could ask me more about it, the bell rang and class started.

Once class ended, I made my usual quick escape. It was always so hard to make it through that class on only as much air as I needed to talk… especially when I was half tempted to smell Bella's mouthwatering scent.

This time, however, Bella was out the door nearly directly after me. Usually, she and Mike would go to their next class together. She had gotten her backpack ready so she would be able to make a quick escape after class. It seemed that Bella was determined not to spend more time with him than necessary.

I turned back to look at her for a moment, curious about this behavior. She saw me looking at her and she immediately turned, taking a different, slightly longer route to the gym, but not before I saw a smile bud on her face. Rather, I saw her try to resist that smile, but I could see it in the tension around her lips.

After school got out, I managed to pick out Mike's thoughts. Bella hadn't spoken anything to him aside from a few short, detached responses. It was good to know that he was as frustrated as I was, but at least I got the better end of the bargain.

I couldn't help it, I was pleased with myself. It was impossible not to notice that she had been trying to avoid both me and Mike that day, but the similarities ended there. I didn't know what her reason was for avoiding me, but I was confident it was for a different reason, whatever it may be. She had openly confronted him, but not me, and she had not said any more to Mike all day long than she absolutely had to… but she had initiated part of her conversation with me in biology. Best of all, she had smiled when she realized that I was looking at her in the hallway. She might have tried not to, but the automatic response was all that I cared about.

It all added up to one thing: Bella did not have the resolve to keep avoiding me. I couldn't resist smiling at my realization.

My brother's and sisters were already piling in our silver Volvo when I reached the parking lot. "He's in an oddly good mood for a school day," I heard Jasper comment. I rolled my eyes. He couldn't have honestly expected I wouldn't have heard that, even from the other side of the parking lot.

_Hey, happy boy, we're waiting_, Alice thought from the passenger's seat. She wore an accusing, smug expression on her face.

--

A/N: Ta da! I'm so glad I managed to get this finished today. It's a _tad_ shorter than some of my other posts but I figured you'd rather get this now then maybe have to wait until tomorrow for it if I didn't get more time today.  
Sorry, no clues about the next chapter! Again, no promises I'll get one out tomorrow since I've got those 3 tests coming up, but I'll do what I can!  
Ready, set, review!


	7. Cold, Hard Altruism

A/N: I've got good news for you guys. My first of my three tests coming up is going to be much easier than I'd expected to study for, so my criminology professor deserves some of the credit for the following. I had more free time than I'd counted on, and I got so caught up writing and ideas came so easily that a good 7 pages just flew right out of my fingers (each of my chapters is usually just over 4 on Microsoft Word). The part I split off to be the next chapter is almost done… which means that you'll get another post tomorrow, too! Yay! I think you'll like these two chapters. I'd like to think they've got some good squeeee-ness in them. )

A few responses:

**izzylicious xo**- I'm glad you like it! I definitely will keep writing this, so you don't have to worry about that!

**waterdemon9-** Oooh, thanks for all your reviews! Yeah, I can definitely relate with having trouble retaining material… I guess it all depends on what class it is. I hope that first exam goes/went well!

**ginnyinvisible**- Haha! Yup! Our Edward is going to have to work a little! At least, with over 100 years under his belt, he _should_ be able to be patient!

**TriGemini**- Thanks! That's quite an assessment! I don't think you'll be too disappointed with the next two chapters )

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh

--

I'm not sure if I'd admit this to anyone, but I was disappointed on Wednesday. It was such a nice day, too—sunny for the first time since I'd moved to Forks. I'd almost forgotten how amazing it felt on my skin, tingly and warm, even in winter, and yet in the end I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have.

Angela and I met up again in the parking lot before school. Mike spotted us when he parked his car, but he didn't come over. That wasn't why I was disappointed, but it still didn't help because it made me feel oddly ashamed.

"I feel so bad," I complained to Angela.

"Bella, you really don't need to be. If Mike was making you uncomfortable you can't help it. You told him the truth and there's nothing wrong with that." I wanted so badly to just accept that. I kept reminding myself that I didn't have to feel guilty, but I did anyway.

"If there's nothing wrong with it then why is Mike avoiding me?"

"You avoided him," she pointed out.

She had a point. I _had_ avoided him. That's exactly why I deserved this.

"He's probably nursing his ego a little, so give him time for that. He isn't used to being turned down but he'll probably bounce back in a few days. He's persistent, remember?"

Once lunch came around, I was feeling a little better. That might have been because I hadn't had the chance to see Mike again yet, but the sunny weather got all the credit.

"I didn't think I'd ever see the sun again," I said, in awe that I could feel so good on a Wednesday at school.

"I know, it feels nice not to wear rain gear for once, doesn't it?" Jessica had overheard me on her way to the lunchroom and joined in on our conversation.

"You seriously have no idea. I swear, for a while I thought the weather was mocking me. It's like it was trying to make my move here even harder."

"Oh, if you think you had it bad, the Cullens had it worse," Jessica said, all-knowing when it came to gossip about them.

"What do you mean?"

"They moved here a year ago," Angela explained as we pushed through the doors to the cafeteria and got in line for food.

"Yeah," Jessica said, jumping back in. "Everyone says they must have been, like, huge outdoorsy people. They go hiking or camping every chance they get."

I turned to search the cafeteria tables. Sure enough, the Cullens' table was empty. I felt something inside me deflate. To think that I had left my crossword puzzle at home that day. I'd been counting on having another strange—but compelling nonetheless—conversation with Edward.

Mike talked to me a little on the way to biology, but it was definitely different. He wasn't as lively or as chatty as he used to be. He stuck around my lab table before class, but our conversation was punctuated by a few awkward silences. It was pretty embarrassing, to be honest.

I couldn't stop myself from imagining what he thought about me. I could practically hear what he was thinking myself. _She's such a tease. _Maybe even_ It's a good thing she turned me down because I don't want to be with a bitch_.

Still, I couldn't pretend that a fairly large part of me was glad that he was stepping back.

After gym, which thankfully involved watching a movie about the history of basketball, I found Angela throwing her backpack into the back seat of her Camry. "Hey Bella, get in the car for a minute."

"Okay…" I agreed, not sure what this was about. I opened the passenger door, creaking as it opened, and slid in the seat. I followed Angela's lead and closed the door. "What's up?"

"You still want to know who Ben is?" she asked me, a bashful smile growing on her face. Even if I hadn't been curious about who this boy was, I would have said 'yes' just because of the bright gleam in Angela's eyes.

"Yeah, he's here?"

"Yup. He wasn't in school yesterday… but… see that guy in the green and blue T-shirt?"

I spotted him easily. He was cute, I had to admit, but Angela had been right about him being short. It was just so surprising because Angela was pretty tall. Personally, I would have wanted someone taller than me… and then a pair of golden eyes popped up in my mind's eye.

"Aw, are you guys good friends?" I asked her, shaking the image from my head.

"Kind of… I mean, you know me, I'm kind of quiet." I shrugged a little. She might be a little quiet, but I still envied that being social wasn't too hard for her if she wanted to be.

"You should go talk to him," I suggested. He was alone, so it would be a good opportunity for her.

Angela sighed. "Maybe tomorrow." I probably wouldn't have been able to do it either.

The clouds rolled back in the next day, blocking out the sun. At least it wasn't raining. That was a huge plus, because if there was any sort of precipitation at all it probably would have frozen to the ground instantly. The ground felt frozen solid from the night.

I sat in my truck, bracing myself so I would be ready for the biting cold air. Jessica pulled into the parking spot next to mine and waved at me. She must have been crazy. She wasn't wearing her coat yet. Just the idea of that made me shiver.

I shoved my gloves on over my hands and wrapped my scarf over the lower half of my face, and then got out of my car, grabbing my backpack. Even as bundled up as I was, the cold air still caught me off-guard.

"See you at lunch," I said to Jessica as I walked by her car.

"See you." She shut her car door and jogged over to her trunk, where I sincerely hoped she was keeping her coat. I wouldn't have been able to go without a coat quite that long, but maybe she was more used to the cold than I was. She hesitated in front of her car trunk, patted her pockets, and then kicked her bumper. "Shit!"

I paused and turned around. "What's wrong?"

"I locked myself out of my car, that's what's wrong! My coat, my backpack… they're in my trunk!" She paced a few steps, muttering to herself. "Oh crap, oh _crap!_" Jessica bobbed up and down a few times, as though trying to warm up as she thought.

I looked down at my gloves. I had thick pockets. I could do without them, right? Hoping I wouldn't be sacrificing my fingers, I slipped my gloves off.

"Here, you can use these today," I offered, holding them out to her. On a second thought, I unwound my scarf from my neck and held that out, too. At least I had a coat. I could make it one day.

Jessica's eyes lit up. "Oh my god, _thank_ you!"

I bit my lip. "It's no problem." I might not have wanted someone to freeze to death, but that was still a lie.

"I owe you so big!"

I just smiled a little, hoping that she would have done the same for me if I was in the same situation. I wasn't so sure.

Jessica ran off in the direction of the office, most likely so she could call her parents and tell them she'd locked herself out. I pretty much ran myself, wanting to get inside even more now that breathing in meant that my lungs were practically filling with ice.

Going from class to class without gloves or a scarf wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. True, we had to go outside for every class change, but when my hands were in my pockets they were warm enough. I couldn't carry anything extra and it was a little less convenient, but I could manage it. The cold air on my face on the other hand, especially if there was a gust of wind, was very nearly brutal.

Somehow, I made it through lunch. On the way to biology, Mike was nearly his normal self again. It felt a little like he was trying to show that he could behave, as though if he didn't pursue me I might change my mind. His attitude changed when he saw that Edward was already sitting at our lab table.

"See you," he said shortly, reminding me of a five-year-old.

"Yeah… see you in gym."

I walked over to my seat and set my backpack down on the floor before sitting down. I heard Edward laugh next to me.

"What?" I asked, not sure if he was laughing at me.

"Your friend isn't too happy, I don't think."

I turned around in my seat to look for Mike. He was making a point of filling out his agenda and not looking up.

"Probably my fault," I said, guilt flowing through my veins.

"Actually, I don't think it is."

I looked over at Edward, not sure what he meant or why he thought he had the authority to make that judgement. He returned my gaze with his slightly-darker butterscotch eyes. A trick of the light? That had been his claim. "Body language," he reminded me. "People give away more than they think they do."

I was not comforted by this, because if that were true he would know how nervous I was around him right at that moment… and how when he looked at me my mind went blank. It was like I couldn't sort through my thoughts so whatever came to mind first, good or bad, was usually the first thing that came out of my mouth.

"I really hope you can't read me," I said automatically, telling more of the truth that I would have if I could think through my actions a little better.

"Why?" he asked, his eyes searching me again. I didn't like feeling so powerless when he did that. I didn't answer. "Actually, I don't think I can."

"Really?" Strange. I would have thought that anyone could read me better than I wanted. I felt like my thoughts were radiating off my skin on display for everyone.

"Well, I can… just not like I can for others. I've already told you you're different."

Was that a good thing or a bad thing? He had insisted it wasn't bad the other day, but I wasn't so sure. A lot of the time, all I wanted was to be more normal. It would mean that I would be capable of a larger group of friends and maybe a boyfriend. If I were normal, class presentations wouldn't send me down an anxiety spiral.

"I can't figure out, for example," Edward continued, "why someone who is adapted to warm weather would give their gloves and scarf to someone they barely know on the coldest day we've had so far this season." I wanted to shrink in my seat. I couldn't take this scrutiny.

"I thought you were going to stop with the psychoanalysis," I muttered, looking away.

"I never said I would." Edward was amused. Well, I was glad he was having fun while I was squirming in my seat! He could have had the decency to cut back a little. "That was just something you hoped for."

"So why do you keep doing it?"

"That's a good question," he said, partially to himself. "I guess I'm curious about you."

"Lucky me."

"Is it because you're trying to rack up karma points?" he asked me, going back to me giving away my scarf and gloves.

"Not really…"

"Then why?"

What _I_ wanted to know was why he felt the need to know… and why I felt compelled to tell him.

"Well, it's just the right thing to do, right? I at least had a coat and she had nothing. Wouldn't everyone have done that?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Well that sucks, because I'd like to think that someone would help me out if that'd been me."

"It just depends on who it is," Edward assured me, grinning a perfectly crooked smile that showed off his perfectly white teeth.

--

A/N: I know this chapter doesn't wrap up as well as some of my previous chapters, but I had written straight through 7 pages without thinking about chapters. It made the most sense since the point of view changes. Next chapter will be entirely from Edward's point of view. It wouldn't surprise me if it will be a lot of you guys' favorite chapter so far! (Or at least, that's what I'm hoping!) I know I'm already _very _happy with it. That's all I'm going to say! You'll have to wait to see!  
If you want something to do to occupy your time until I post the next chapter tomorrow, it's pretty fun clicking the little 'Go' button right below…. ;-)


	8. Family Discussions

A/N: Ugh, I've wanted to get the first part of this post up for a day now, so I'm glad it's finally long enough to post! I'm _**REALLY**_ eager to hear what you guys think of this chapter!

**MentalMaddy**- Some might, some might not. It depends on how severe the case is, and you've also got to take into consideration that Bella is working on getting better. Some things for her are much easier than they used to be, some things are nearly as difficult as they've always been. I'm glad you enjoyed reading my chapter!

**ginnyinvisible**- hehe, yeah, Bella's a big softy :-) I couldn't let that part be different from the book! I wanted as many details as possible to be the same as the actual series.

**TriGemini**- Glad you liked it! Yeah, I'd like to think that in some ways Bella is getting a little more familiar with Edward… but of course that's mainly because all they've done is talk in class.

**waterdemon9**- yay! Well, if you liked that one, I really hope you like this one!

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh

--

EPOV

So any theory I'd had about Bella being vain and into herself or not wanting to be friends with people at Forks was out the window. Bella was too altruistic for that—someone who put others before herself couldn't be a cold person.

I could see in the way her blood pulsed through her hands and face that she had been freezing. Maybe I would have expected someone who was from Washington or Montana to lend a hand if they were adjusted to the cold, but not someone from Phoenix, Arizona. Not someone who was probably suffering some sort of weather shock.

My family was waiting for me again once school got out for the day. This time, however, I didn't hear a single impatient thought in their minds. Rose, Emmett, and Jasper were concerned. Alice was trying to hide her excitement by counting the dust particles floating around in the air but doing a very poor job of it.

_Here goes_ I heard Emmet think as I climbed into the driver's seat.

"What's going on?" I asked

I could hear what none of them wanted to say out loud.

_Jasper's right, he's been acting different since she moved to Forks._

_This is dangerous._

_Why is he being so careless_

_872, 873, 874…_

"This is about Bella," I spoke out. It wasn't hard to figure out. There were no secrets in the Cullen family.

"Something's been going on with you. Are you sure you're under control?" I could tell Jasper wasn't trying to gang up on me. I could feel genuine concern in his thoughts, but he was also guarded. He was always prepared for the worst.

I didn't answer right away.

_I bet it's because of her blood_. Rosalie didn't seem likely to believe any explanation except that the pull of Bella's blood on me was making me crack under the pressure.

"No. It's not her blood that's bothering me." I said, sighing.

"Does it not still have the same effect on you?"

"Of course it does, don't be stupid." I told her.

"Yeah, I don't think that sort of thing changes," Jasper agreed with me.

"Trust me, it doesn't," I responded, grimly. If only that weren't the case…

"Then why are you so bent up over this girl? She's just a normal human."

I couldn't understand how Rosalie could even ask that. Had she even _looked_ at her? Had she heard a single thing Bella had ever said? "That girl is not normal by any means," I said, defensive.

Of course Emmett loved that. A knowing smile spread across his face. "I think Edward has a crush," he declared in a singsong voice.

"I have not!"

"Sure."

"I don't! If you weren't so persistently dense you'd just listen to me."

"You get touchy when you're defending someone, don't you?"

A hiss rose up in my throat.

"I think I hit a nerve," Emmett commented out loud, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Oh Emmett, hush!" Alice broke out of her counting trance to smack Emmett's shoulder. Not that it did much. "Come on Edward. We're listening," she encouraged.

"I've been trying to listen, too—to her. I can't hear what she's thinking."

There was a beat of silence.

"Really?" Jasper was sitting more alert now.

"Yes. This has never happened before. I wonder if I should tell Carlisle."

_Edward, that's really dangerous_.

"How is it dangerous? She's a human girl!" Why must Jasper be so ready to jump to that conclusion over a girl? If anything, this was dangerous for _her_.

"Exactly. She isn't supposed to know what you are. It hasn't been a problem before because we've stayed away from most people in the past, but you've been able to keep tabs on what the ones we _are_ around are thinking so we could know if they are catching on. If you are going to be spending more time with her…"

"I'm not going to spend more time with her!" I interrupted. "I just have one class with her!"

Jasper looked to his side, seeking verification. "Alice?"

A vision of me and Bella sitting around in a bedroom—hers, most likely—came into focus. _Sorry. I would have shown you earlier_.

She'd told Jasper about it before.

"That's absurd," I said, not believing it, though I wanted to.

Alice shook her head. "Edward, it's true."

"Not necessarily!"

"But it's probable."

"_Anyway_," Jasper spoke up again, "if you are going to be spending time with her, she's more likely to notice something. You won't be able to tell if she figures out something she shouldn't."

"Edward, if we have to move because you've finally decided to get a crush—on a human girl of all things—I'm going to be pissed." Subtlety wasn't one of Rosalie's strong points.

"Yeah, man. Not the best idea." Emmett, who was sitting in the passenger seat next to me, reached his arm over and squeezed my shoulder.

This was just getting ridiculous. "It's pointless talking to you all," I said, very close to giving up my argument. "You just don't listen."

Rosalie hissed. "Honestly! You're accusing _us_ of not listening? Hark who's talking!"

"Plus you can't forget that there is always the chance of you killing her…. "

Emmett's reminder sent a sharp pang to my chest. I couldn't bear the thought of Bella's blood on my figurative hands. How could I possibly exist with the guilt of killing someone like her? I knew very well that if I let my feelings go unchecked it was a very possible future.

_I knew he liked her._

"Jasper, shut up!"

"You can't pretend that this isn't a risky situation."

"Well if this is such a problem what do you expect me to do?"

Silence again. I heard everyone consider then dismiss the obvious answers in their heads. I couldn't change classes now that we were in out second week of the semester, and we had no proof that Bella either would figure out what we were or that she would pose a threat to our family. The future was too murky for Alice to figure that out. There was nothing that could be done until something more had happened and we all knew it.

"I might be able to see if we'll have a problem later on," Alice suggested, frustrated that she couldn't give a definite answer. _I don't know her well enough._

I hadn't expected she would be able to see much about Bella, anyway. "You're not very attuned to her," I agreed. It would be a matter of chance if she managed to see something about her.

"That can change." There was a hopeful edge to her voice. Alice wanted to be _friends_ with Bella.

"You're joking," I said, frowning.

"I'm not laughing."

I breathed out a deep sigh. "There's no point in arguing this, is there?" I knew all too well that if Alice had her mind set on something, there was little I could do to stop her.

"Nope! None whatsoever!"

Once we reached home, I dropped off Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice and then headed out again. I needed some time to myself.

One of the drawbacks of being a Cullen was that it was nearly impossible to be alone. Everyone could hear every sound made in the house and surrounding grounds, and even when the whole family stood perfectly motionless I could still hear way too much. I always had other people's thoughts running through my head. It made it hard to make room for my own.

It took maybe two minutes to reach my spot in the forest. It was a meadow clearing with tall, swaying grass and a small stream. The meadow looked as quiet as it sounded. In the spring wildflowers would be scattered in nearly every color of the rainbow, but right now there were none and the grass had a muted, grayish color to it because of the temperature. I welcomed the sound of the blades of grass brushing against each other and the water running over smooth stones. It was calmer than my house ever was. I could breathe here.

I stood in the direct center of the clearing and let my thoughts run wild.

First, I pictured the image Alice had shown me in the car, only I added my own details. My creation was much richer in color, and Bella, her expression thoughtful in Alice's vision, was alight with excitement. She was glad I was in her room. She shouldn't be, though. If she knew the truth, she should be horrified. She should scream and demand that I leave her house and not speak to her again.

It would be the right way for things to turn out. I knew that very well. She already seemed nervous around me. I wasn't sure whether or not I needed to tell my family that. Could she have suspicions? Was it because she was starting to realize that there was something odd about me, too? I wouldn't doubt it. Bella was inconveniently perceptive.

An hour passed as I turned over my thoughts, trying to consider the situation from every angle. At this point, I wasn't sure I could just leave her alone. Somewhere in the past few days, the line between observation and infatuation had become blurred. I no longer knew where I stood.

I hated myself for wanting to put her in danger, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to be around her. Was _my_ resolve strong enough to avoid _her?_ I wasn't so sure. Not now that I knew that she was such a genuinely good person. And smart, judging by the crosswords and how she did in biology… and how much she seemed to figure out about me. Plus, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that she was… well… quite pretty.

My time in the meadow had gotten me no where. I felt no more certain of what to do than I had been before.

When I got back home, I could hear Esme and Carlisle upstairs in his office. This would be a good time to turn to my parents. I needed their guidance.

"Come on in Edward," Carlisle spoke up when he heard me approach his office. The door was open, so I walked right in. He was in his office chair with Esme sitting across his lap, one arm around his shoulders. "Is everything okay?" he asked, no doubt seeing the carefully blank expression on my face.

"You heard about today?" I asked, walking directly up to his desk.

"Yes, I have."

"Honey, you stress yourself out too much," Esme said.

"Do I?" I asked, bitterly. I wasn't entirely sure I was stressed enough. If only I could get it through to myself how much danger I was on the brink of putting Bella in, I should be able to leave her alone.

"Of course," Carlisle agreed. "I understand how serious this situation is, but you don't see how much you've changed since you've stopped hunting humans again."

I couldn't help but be skeptical. Judging by how hard it was not to kill Bella, I wasn't sure how much I believed that anymore.

"Edward, for almost every single vampire, even us vegetarians, if they had met someone like Bella, they'd already be dead by now."

"So you're not going to tell me to stop talking to her?" I had almost counted on him to set down the law. If he told me to leave Bella alone, I would do it, and she would be all the safer because of it.

"Of course not. You're going to see who you want to see. I know that. I can't and—for now—won't stop you… but I do beg that you exercise caution."

I looked over at Esme, who was, to my surprise, beaming at me. _I'm happy for you._

Like that wasn't jumping the gun. She must have heard all about Alice's vision.

I couldn't take all their confident cheerfulness. They expected too much of me. I would disappoint them all. In the end, Bella would either run away screaming from me or be dead.

"Thanks," I muttered, racing out of the office and back to my room. I shut the door behind me, even though I knew it only created the illusion of privacy.

As if to prove me right, I heard Carlisle speak to me from his office. "Please make sure to hunt tonight."

"I will," I promised.

_You really should listen to them._ It was Alice, and she wasn't talking about how important it was for me to hunt that night. I didn't feel like responding. I didn't need to be cheered up. What I needed was a good reality-check. I needed to fully grasp what this was going to do to Bella.

Before I could get too down on myself, another image interrupted my train of thought. It was another vision I hadn't gotten the chance to see yet. This one was for the fieldtrip to Olympic National Park tomorrow. I watched the image play like a film in my head and smiled.

--

A/N: Hehehe, I know that's a cruel place for this chapter to end! What did Alice see? I guess you're just going to have to let your imaginations run wild until I get the field trip chapter posted! I will say, though, that I've been imagining a portion of next chapter in my head for a while now. I guess that one part of the scene inspired this whole story.

Until then…. You know what to do! There's a nice 'Go' button down here that really wants to be clicked!


	9. Olympic National Park

A/N: I'm excited to get this post up! I randomly thought up a small part of one scene from this that pretty much inspired the rest of the story, so I hope you guys enjoy it! This is a pretty long chapter because it felt wrong to split it up… so I hope I get double the reviews!

You're going to see Bella beat herself up mentally a little. It's to be expected when entering such new territory.

Sorry, I would have written responses to reviews but I literally only have time to post this and then start studying for my tests. They will be over tomorrow, though, which means that things will fall back into a more regular schedule! Yay!

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh.

--

When I woke up that morning, I was feeling very on-edge. I couldn't keep my knees or my hands from quivering. They weren't shaking badly, but I could feel it and it was making things difficult for me. My stomach was in knots. I really needed to get a grip on myself.

I could tell by the way Charlie was watching me eat my cereal that he knew I was anxious. He tried to look like he wasn't worrying over me, but I knew he was. He was right to.

"Why are you so jumpy today?" he asked me, finally deciding to speak up.

I shrugged my shoulders a little. "Today's the field trip."

Understanding washed over Charlie's face. "You're afraid you're going to fall in front of your classmates?"

"Yeah…" It was the easier thing for me to admit to. I wasn't sure what my dad would think if he knew what was really making me so nervous.

"Bells, people fall on trails all the time. If you trip they'll know it could just as easily have been them."

When I started getting nervous about the hiking itself, that was probably what I would try to remind myself… only it wasn't ironclad because I knew I would probably trip a lot more than once. People would notice.

"I know. I'll be fine. I just have to make myself believe it."

"You will." For a man who didn't speak a whole lot, that had been a nice little pep talk. The only problem was that it didn't have to do with what made me nervous.

"I've got to finish getting ready," I said, rinsing out my cereal bowl and then heading back upstairs.

Before I left for school, I went into the bathroom and set my shaking hands on the sink ledge. The shaking was getting worse and that was making me tense up. I needed to calm myself down.

The truth was that my anxiety had nothing to do with falling and everything to do with Edward Cullen. I knew I was being stupid, but that didn't mean I hadn't been worrying about the trip since the moment I had gotten home from school yesterday.

The thing was, I liked to consider myself pretty much cured when it came to speaking up in class, presentations, and talking to people when they were girls. I'd had practice with that. It had been easy to convince myself there wasn't anything to be afraid of.

Boys, on the other hand, were an entirely different problem. I _hadn't _talked to them much. I had little if any experience with them even as friends. In the past, I had completely stayed away from any guy I had liked for fear that if he started thinking that I liked him he would think less of me because he wouldn't like me in the slightest. Even guys who were simply friends were difficult for me a lot of the time… and Edward… I had no idea what was going on with him.

I had a crush on him. I was fully aware of that now. I didn't know how strong it was, but my thoughts were undeniably focused around him. I had no reason to like him, though. I hadn't talked to him all that much, and suddenly I couldn't get him out of my mind. Where did that come from?

This was the point where I'd normally start pushing him away to keep my crush a secret, but this is where the problem was: I didn't think he would let me. For some reason—which I realized with chagrin probably had nothing to do with romance—he was interested in me. It seemed strictly a curiosity with him, as though I was some sort of psychology experiment to him. I might as well be.

I knew there was a good chance I would be seeing Edward far more today than I had since I had moved to Forks. I had never had to have a lengthy conversation with him. I didn't know how to talk to a guy I liked for that long or how to do it without him somehow realizing that… I had a crush.

My quivering hands found my prescribed Paxil. I'd already taken my medication for my social anxiety that day, but my dose wasn't really high so I figured it'd be safe to take another… just for that day. The medicine itself probably wouldn't make a difference since it took a few weeks for the body to respond to Paxil, but I would feel better nonetheless with a little extra medicine. I was going for a placebo effect.

When I reached Forks High School, I headed straight to the cafeteria, as instructed, where the rest of the junior class waited. Angela was sitting at our usual lunch table, as were a bunch of my other classmates. Edward and Alice Cullen were keeping to themselves a few tables down. Edward was looking at his sister with a peculiar expression on his face.

"Bella! Over here!" Angela was waving at me, trying to get my attention. She looked between me and the Cullen table, and then she waved me over again.

The bus ride to Olympic National Park felt longer than it should have. The junior year class was just barely large enough that two busses were necessary, which meant that most students, myself and Angela included, got seats to themselves.

The air was bitter cold in the mountains. The weather was supposed to warm up as the sun rose, but for now I was grateful to have my gloves and scarf back. The sun was low enough in the sky that we couldn't see it past the trees. I wished it would hurry up and climb in the sky so we could thaw out a bit.

In order to keep groups together better and make sure that everyone would get to hear the tour guide, we were split into separate tour groups based on our biology classes. That meant spending the entire day with Mike and Edward… and no Angela. I was right to take extra medicine that day.

Our tour guide was a 30-something year old woman with an overly cheerful demeanor for this hour of the day. She wore her short, blonde hair in low pigtails and a smile so wide that I knew her lips would start quivering soon from the strain.

"You guys ready? Good! Right this way! I hope you've got your hiking boots today!"

I groaned to myself, but followed after her. I didn't want to be that person who held up the whole group of people because she couldn't suck up her dislike for hiking… or rather tripping. Mike fell into step next to me by the time we had lost sight of the other biology classes.

"You ready for this?" he asked, clearly excited about this hike. I could read it in the crinkles framing his eyes.

"Yeah," I lied, unable to make myself give a fuller answer to sound convincing. I didn't want to ruin his fun with my complaining.

"Just wait until we get a little further in. This time of the day should be great for seeing wildlife. If we're lucky we might see a coyote or something."

My eyes widened a little. "There are coyotes here?"

"Oh yeah, of course there are. Cougars, too, but they pretty much avoid people." He said this all very casually.

Cougars. No biggie.

My biology class was pretty quiet for the first forty-five minutes. Everyone was still a little groggy save for the tour guide, Mike, who was just too excited to know how to hold his tongue, and Edward, who was right up front with our guide.

I couldn't fight back the wish that he weren't so far up, even though I was terrified of the idea of walking with him and not knowing what to say. I would never be able to catch up there, not with my feet catching on roots and jagged rocks, anyway. I had managed not to fall—an accomplishment in my eyes—but it was slowing me down. Eventually Mike noticed this, and I started lagging behind him.

I couldn't help but admire the ease with which Edward navigated the trail. It truly was second nature to him, making even Mike and the tour guide look like novices in comparison. Maybe he should be the one leading the way and telling us about the park. At least then I would be paying attention.

After a little while, I was starting to get used to hiking. I wasn't catching my feet on rough edges anymore and I was no longer lagging behind as much. I relaxed a little.

"You know, this isn't so bad," I found myself admitting to Mike as he crossed the stream blocking our path. I wouldn't have gone so far as to say I was enjoying dodging all the traps nature had set up for me, but I was no longer fretting over embarrassing myself with my clumsiness.

"See, I knew you'd like it," Mike said.

"Mm-hmm," I said, again deciding not to admit to such a huge fan of the outdoors that I merely tolerated hiking.

I stepped onto the first stepping stone in the stream. I totally had this.

"If you ever decide you want to try this again we can always get some people together and come back."

I hesitated, but it probably looked like I was concentrating on getting my footing on the next stone crossing the stream. "Yeah, maybe," I answered vaguely, not wanting to commit to anything like that. "That depen—"

My foot hit a slick spot on a rock and I fell, splashing into the stream below me. The water wasn't too deep, but I'd managed to submerge half of my legs and arms and all of my back in the water. The first thing I noticed was that my butt was sore from the fall. The second thing I noticed was how half of my body was instantly numbed--it felt like I was taking a bath in a bucket of ice.

The third thing I noticed was a pair of blazing, golden eyes looking down at me and hands pulling me up out of the water. How Edward had even heard the splash from the front of the group was beyond me. The tour guide was oblivious from what I could tell. And how had he known it wasn't just someone's foot slipping in the water? I didn't wonder about how fast he had gotten here—with that kind of grace in a forest he probably could have gotten here that fast if he had run.

"Bella, are you hurt?" he asked me, setting me on my feet on the other side of the creek. His eyes were searching mine, looking for any sign that might mean I was.

I couldn't speak with him looking at me like that. My voice was caught in my throat so I shook my head. I could feel intense heat rise in my cheeks. My face must have been scarlet.

His eyes drifted down to my coat, evaluating me. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I was shivering.

"Bella, here, take this." I had completely forgotten about Mike. He was unbuttoning his coat, but Edward stopped him, holding up his hand. His eyes were still set on mine.

"No, I've got this," he said. Mike glared at the back of Edward's head, no doubt resenting how little he was involved. When Edward shrugged off his coat, this time I interrupted, finally finding my voice.

"Edward, no, you'll freeze!"

"You already are, and not to offend but I'm much better equipped to deal with the cold than you are." He was holding his coat out to me.

I glanced at the coat and turned, heading to follow after the group that was falling out of sight. I didn't want to lose them, and I couldn't take Edward's coat. I've never been able to take other people's coats before. I couldn't take that kind of attention from a guy, and it made me uncomfortable that someone would get cold because of me. Edward was not going to get sick over me.

"Bella!" Mike called out, following me, "Your coat is wet, are you crazy?"

"We're going to lose the group," I said, ignoring Mike. Ignoring his request.

"No, we're not," Edward said, frustration thick in his voice. I kept walking anyway. I just wanted to get out of this situation. I wanted them to leave me alone. I didn't need or want people worrying over me. I didn't like that kind of attention. "Mike, would you catch up to the tour guide and slow her down a little?" Edward finally said, sounding impatient. Was he really annoyed with me over something like this?

Mike looked between the two of us and jogged after our class reluctantly.

"Bella, please, just put this on."

"What about you?" I asked. My teeth rattled as I spoke.

"I'll be fine, I promise," he said. By the way he brushed the matter away I almost believed him.

"Edward—"

"Look, you said it yourself," he said, putting his hand on my back and starting to push me to follow after Mike so we wouldn't fall further behind. "You wanted to think that people would help you out, too, like you had helped Jessica. Well, I'm helping you out."

"That was different," I argued. "That was me giving someone gloves and a scarf, not my entire coat!"

"Why are you being so stubborn?" His impatience was back again.

"I'm not going to take your coat."

He was silent for a moment. "How about this. I'm not going to wear this coat for the rest of the hike regardless. Someone might as well wear it."

I turned to look in the opposite direction as Edward.

"Bella, please?"

I sighed and gave in, reaching over to take it from him. When my hand brushed against his I almost dropped the coat. His hand was just as cold as the water had been.

"Your hand is so cold!" I gasped, holding his coat out to him again. I wanted him to take him back. He was lying when he said he'd be fine without it.

"Just my hands," he said quickly. "They've got bad circulation. I'm still not taking the coat back."

I glanced down at the coat for a moment as we continued down the path and finally gave in. I got out of my wet coat, which Edward immediately took, and put on his dry one. I started feeling warmer almost immediately. The best part, though, was the way his scent completely enveloped me.

"Thanks," I said, meaning it.

Edward smiled. "I'm just glad you're listening to sense."

With Edward's help, we caught back up to the rest of the group easily. His hand remained steadily on my back to help push me forward and navigate the trail. I'm glad he couldn't see the wide, stupid grin that spread across my face. Maybe I was letting myself get carried away, but it felt intimate to me. It both thrilled and terrified me. What if he thought it was, too? Was he expecting that we would suddenly have some sort of romantic thing going on? I got a sudden visual of Edward trying to flirt with me while I tried to ignore him. He would hate me. He would react like Mike and stay away, no doubt thinking that I was a mental case. He would be right.

_Stop it! Don't take this for more than face value! He's just being nice. He's helping you catch up. He feels bad for you because you fell. That's it. You don't need to freak out._

I was freaking out anyway. I was pretty sure I would have been shaking even if my clothes weren't wet.

Every now and then, I could see Mike turn and look back at me and Edward. He wasn't at the front of the group anymore, but I could tell he felt a little wounded by not being allowed to help. He was keeping his distance for now.

The tour guide made a few stops so that we could examine the trees around us. She was trying to relate what we saw to what we were learning about photosynthesis, but most of the class wasn't paying attention. At one point we stopped at a clearing with a few overturned trees that acted as benches. We sat down and were instructed to be silent to see if any of the wildlife would come out. We never saw more than squirrels, birds, and a small lizard.

This whole time, Edward was sticking close to me. He was probably either making sure I didn't hurt myself or else maybe I had been right about him starting to like me. Maybe both. I couldn't get myself to say anything to him. I was too positive I would say something stupid and ruin whatever he already thought of me. Half of me hoped that if I was quiet, he would go back up to the front of the group so I would be able to breathe again. I would be much more comfortable, but I would just criticize myself later for pushing him away.

Once we started descending the mountain again, I was afraid my clumsiness would return. It was all mental. I knew that if I fell, now, rather than falling uphill I would fall downhill, which was much much worse. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy, because my certainty that I would fall led me to almost lose my footing a couple times.

Eventually, I did fall… kind of. I was walking a few feet in front of Edward as we were descending a set of rocks that looked like stairs formed by nature. I tripped over a root that was wedged between two stones and fell forward. I shut my eyes and braced myself for the crash that I knew was coming, but I never hit the ground. Instead, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and set me back upright. Was it possible for someone a few feet behind to catch someone who was falling forward? Could that someone even have time to react at all?

Edward's arms were still wrapped around me, as though I would fall over again if he let go. I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding in.

"You okay?" he asked, slowly dropping his arms, making sure I was steady.

"Yeah." God, this was embarrassing. How many times was this guy going to see me fall and make a fool of myself? It felt like the hike was going… well… downhill. I was drawing so much attention to my flaws.

"I don't think I've ever seen someone fall half as often as you."

"I told you so."

"Clearly I'm going to have to watch out for you more, won't I?" He looked amused, to my horror.

I blushed and started after the group again, not looking at Edward. Yeah, I was going to be mentally beating myself up about this trip for weeks.

"Don't make commitments. It'd be a lot picking me up off the ground."

"Would that be so bad?" My heart jumped. Despite everything he sounded almost… hopeful. Confused, for sure, most likely because I was being so evasive, but definitely with hope.

I couldn't get myself to answer. For me, it would be. The question felt more significant than just being about having someone around to watch out for me. I could have kicked myself for not answering. I was such a coward. I couldn't help it, I was in unchartered territory, and that terrified me. The situation scared me. Edward's persistence scared me. Edward himself… he didn't scare me. I _did_ want to be with him, but I was starting to feel like that was impossible. I wasn't recovered enough.

I needed something else to talk about… anything. I couldn't let Edward think I was pushing him away. Preferably something that took the focus off of me.

"There's something odd about you," I said. It was the first thing that came to mind.

"Really?"

"Yeah… I can't put my finger on it. It's almost like you're… not human or something." I wasn't serious about the last part, I was just trying to get across the point that he was so much different from anyone I had ever known.

"That's stupid." Edward was tense next to me. Had I really offended him that much?

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, trying to backpedal. "I just… You're so fast. You're eyes change colors and the only people I've seen as pale as you are albino, but that can't be it because your hair is pigmented." As I listed this stuff off, I started realizing that maybe there was something unhuman about him. Everything seemed like such a little thing that it might almost be possible, until you strung them together and saw how many there were. "You tore a chunk off the lunch table that first day…" I remembered in awe. I had almost forgotten that part.

"Bella, enough." The finality in his voice made me sure I'd overstepped some boundary.

"I'm sorry," I muttered quietly. I should have thought of something else to talk about.

"Why are you apologizing?" He wasn't mad.

"I thought I upset you…?"

"I'm not upset. Not with you."

"Oh." What did that mean? He hadn't cleared anything up at all.

"Let's just say that I'm not… like you. It would be in your best interest to stay away from me."

"I don't understand."

"I'm bad for you." Was it just me or did that imply that one or both of us liked the other? Why else would he be bad _for_ _me_?

"I'm still not following."

"Bella," he said, frustrated. "I'm dangerous. You'd be better off without me around." I might have thought he was trying to make an excuse to get away from someone as messed up as me, but I believed him. Maybe it was the way his eyes were gleaming. They'd always been mesmerizing before, but now they made him look almost dangerous. He really thought he was bad for me. Maybe he really wasn't human… but if he wasn't, what was he?

And yet, he still made my heart race in all the right ways.

Besides, could someone who would warn me about themselves and insist on me wearing his coat so I wouldn't freeze really be all that bad? If I was afraid, it wasn't because he thought he was dangerous. That had nothing to do with it.

The sun was reaching higher in the sky. As this happened, the air around us started warming up. I was still shaking, but now it was because I was nervous how attentive Edward had been this whole trip and because I didn't know how to handle that rather than because of the temperature. My classmates were starting to take their coats off. By this point, I was dry again, and I was getting pretty warm, too, but I was reluctant to take off Edward's coat. It smelled so nice.

As much as I would have loved to hold onto Edward's coat longer, I knew I probably should give it back to him. He stopped me, though, the moment I started pulling down the zipper.

"What are you doing?" he asked me, frowning.

"Um, giving you your coat back?"

"No," he said firmly, his tone disapproving. "You're still shaking."

I _was _shaking. I didn't know how to act around him and I was terrified I would do something to make him think I was defective or stupid.

"I'm not cold," I said. It was true.

Edward paused and looked me over. I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. "No, I guess you're not," he said thoughtfully.

I took off his coat, and this time he didn't try to stop me. "Take it."

He didn't even look down at his coat. His eyes wouldn't leave my face. I felt like he was trying to see inside me.

"Why are you shaking?" he asked me.

My mind went blank under his fixed gaze. I didn't have the mental capacity to think up an excuse. "Who says people only shake when they're cold?"

EPOV

Why couldn't I hear her thoughts? This would have been the perfect time to be able to understand what was going on in her head. There was only one other explanation I could think of.

"You're afraid, aren't you?"

Bella looked back at me with wide eyes. She said nothing, but instead looked away and used her hair as a curtain to block me out. It was as good as a 'yes' to me.

If I had a working heart, it would have deflated.

This was what I had wanted, wasn't it? I wanted her to be afraid. If it meant she would stay away from me and stay safe, wasn't that for the better? Somewhere, I had managed to reveal enough about myself that she, like everyone else in Forks High School, wanted stay away from me. It was probably a mix of me warning her and all those times I had used my vampire strengths that day to keep her from falling or so I could be the one to help her out of the creek.

I should be relieved. I wasn't.

All those silences on the trail… Come to think of it, it would explain why she had been trying to avoid me that week at school. She had started noticing that there was something unhuman about me even then. She had been trying to follow her survival instincts from the start, but I hadn't let her. I had held my ground. I really was a monster.

I wouldn't let myself force her to go against her instincts any longer.

I gave Bella her coat back and she gave me mine. I kept my distance from her for the last half hour of the hike. Mike, at least, was pleased. He spent the rest of the time talking her ear off. I could hear the elation in his thoughts.

When we got back to the buses, Alice was waiting for me expectantly.

_How'd it go?_ She was thinking, brimming with excitement.

My face was set. I didn't look at her or even acknowledge her. I just climbed back on the bus and took my seat. Alice took the seat right next to me. I really wished she would leave me alone.

"What happened?" she asked me, soft enough that no one else would be able to hear her over the rumbling of the engine.

"Bella is afraid of me," I answered in the same manner.

"But my vision—"

"Came true," I said, completing her sentence. She had seen Bella wearing my coat. She had been smiling as I led her with my hand on her back. That had happened. "She was avoiding me practically the whole time aside from that. Now I know why."  
"Did you hear her thoughts?" Alice asked.

"I still can't. I asked her if she was afraid. She didn't answer but she might as well have."

"You wanted her to stay away from you," she reminded me. It didn't make the ache in my dead heart go away.

"I know."

Alice stared at me. "Shouldn't this make you happy, then?"

"No. I don't want her to stay away."

--

A/N: I'm sorry if you'd been hoping for something leading them more in a positive direction. I promise it will get there. This is just the sort of frustration people with SAD keep bringing upon themselves. It's what happens. When Bella starts seeing that Edward really won't give up, it will get easier for her. You'll love the results when that happens ;-)

I'm still looking for people who are interested in joining my RP. As of now, I play Edward and we've got a Bella and an original character… but that means all the other spots are available. There is an application to fill out to join, but it's not meant to be too too hard. We are just looking for proof that applicants can write and know the character they are playing. These sites really are a lot of fun if you've got a group of people creating their own drama and influencing other plots. I highly recommend trying one (cough like mine… ;-) ) We've only got a few people, so there are a lot of canon roles still available, but yesterday it really just started taking off, so I'm pretty excited about it.

goldeneyes rp.pro board s101.co m/in dex.cgi

(remove the spaces. I've also got a link in my profile, I think...)

Anyway, please review! Merci beaucoup!


	10. Unwanted Discoveries

A/N: I've got to admit I'm a little disappointed with the results from my previous chapter, since I'd hoped my extra long chapter would get extra reviews, but that is none of you guys' faults. You guys rock! It's just that the alert system doesn't seem to be working so people didn't get notified that my chapter was up. If you are on my alert list, please let me know whether or not you got a notification for this chapter! Not to mention my timing seems to suck with updating chapters. I always seem to submit it at a time when my story will be on the second page of fanfics.

I would have gotten this out on Tuesday, since my bunches of tests were done then, but I was so tired when I got back from classes that I passed out for four hous! Haha… whoops…. This one is a tad shorter than the most of mine, but I blame my tests for that. I just wanted to make sure I got something out today!

I've officially gotten 50 reviews! I'm thrilled that you guys like my story! Time to celebrate with another chapter! Please review!

A couple review responses:

**bellaandedwardforever02**- Yay! Haha, I like the enthusiasm! I'll be sure to update soon after I post this one, too! I'm hoping to get another chapter up tomorrow but I might not get to. It depends on how long my dance practice goes tonight…

**The Indigo Spirit**- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you've been liking my writing! I promise I _will_ keep writing!

**MentalMaddy**- I put some info about my RP and what an RP is like at the end of the chapter. Hope it helps! And yes, it is very lucky you checked! I'm hoping it works this time…

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh.

--

Edward had to be bipolar or something. There was no other explanation.

After the field trip, I had expected he would be around even more. I felt like I had handled the whole hike very poorly, and yet considering how persistent Edward had seemed before and the way he had been looking out for me after I had fallen in the stream I would have thought I'd be seeing more of him

That is, that's what I had expected until I admitted I was afraid.

I was proud of myself for telling the truth. It was such a big step for me, since I rarely told the truth about that sort of thing. Normally, I would deny any suggestion that I was uncomfortable or afraid; I wouldn't want to call any more attention to my anxieties than absolutely necessary. It should have been a reason to celebrate.

It wasn't.

As soon as I had told this to Edward, he had stayed away from me. I wasn't sure if he was repulsed or weirded out, but it sure felt that way. Maybe I had finally chased him away. It seemed like my fear of him getting too close to me had finally won out. It had made me do what I had not wanted to do. I always did this, and I very badly wanted to kick myself for it.

In the span of a minute, Edward had gone from being my unofficial guard dog to a complete stranger. He missed school on Monday to go hiking again, since the weather was nice, but for the rest of that week, he barely paid attention to me. Occasionally I caught him looking at me, but aside from the a few "Good mornings" and "Goodbyes" he didn't talk to me. Me, the coward that I was, couldn't try to start talking to him, myself.

That week felt longer than I thought it could. The heavy silence between Edward and me persisted even past that. On Wednesday, Mr. Banner had lab tables working together to pick out the differences between plant and animal cells. On that day, the list of phrases Edward would actually say to me got a new addition: "May I have a look?"

The tension sitting around the same microscope was unbearable. It smothered me. I was sitting so close to him, and yet he barely seemed to notice me. By the end of the exercise my hands were shaking enough that I was having trouble writing my observations. I tried to pretend that nothing was happening, hiding my hands when I got the chance. Judging by the way Edward's eyes always seemed to zoom in on my hands when they were out in the open I don't think I had him fooled.

My days had started to follow a pattern. Every day, I would start my day off with Angela. By the time lunch came and went, Mike took her place. In biology, Edward would very predictably refrain from talking as much as possible. Gym was the only thing that changed in the slightest because I always went in not knowing how my clumsiness would interfere with whatever the instructor had lined up for us that day.

Monday marked the day when fissures started appearing in my newly set schedule.

"Hello, Bella!"

I snapped around at the door of my truck. I had been going through the books I had in my backpack, making sure I had everything I would need that day, when I heard an unfamiliar, musical voice behind me. Alice Cullen, of all people, was leaning against the front of my truck, smiling warmly at me. I was caught off-guard by her sudden appearance.

"Alice—hey."

"Cold day out, isn't it?" she asked me as she twisted a short strand of her short black hair between her thumb and forefinger. She said this lightly, like the weather didn't bother her in the slightest.

"Yeah. It's pretty cold," I agreed awkwardly. I was waiting for her to say something. Maybe she had a reason that brought her to me, like a message to deliver or… _something_. That didn't seem the case, though. She looked perfectly at ease, as though she always stopped by my truck on the way to her first class.

I couldn't figure out what she was doing here, but she wasn't talking. "Um… did you have a good weekend?" What else was there to say?

"Oh yes! I had a lot of fun, my whole family went hiking."

"Oh, well that does sound fun," I said politely, even though I didn't see the appeal.

"Yeah. Too bad it Monday had to come. What about you? How was your weekend?"

"It was alright I guess," I answered. I hadn't really done much. Angela and I had gotten together on Saturday and Jessica joined us halfway through, but aside from that I had pretty much done homework and spent time with Charlie. "Nothing exciting, but I got a good bit of my homework done."

That was lame. She was talking about having a huge family hiking trip and all this fun she had had. I was talking about homework.

"Oh hey, Angela, how are you?" Alice suddenly asked as Angela joined us over by my truck. Angela seemed just as surprised as I had been.

"Good, you?"

"Great! Well, I'm going to leave you girls. I've got to get over to my first class. I'll see you later, Bella!"

I stared after her with a confused frown set on my face.

"Alice Cullen?" Angela asked me, catching my expression. "What was that?"

"I have no idea," I answered truthfully.

The changes didn't stop there. All five of the Cullens sat at their usual table that day at lunch, and yet Edward didn't show up for biology. I automatically remembered my first day at Forks High School, when Edward had glared at me with dark, hateful eyes. He had missed biology that day, too. I hoped it wasn't some sort of sign. I didn't want to think that there could be a connection between the two events.

Mr. Banner quieted the class down when the bell rang. He had a white box sitting on his desk.

"So, how many of you know your blood types?" he asked, clapping his hands once and rubbing them together. Only seven students raised their hands. "That's it? No one else?" he asked, but simply shrugged his shoulders and walked over to his desk.

"By the end of class today, you will all know your blood types."

I froze in my seat. I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing altogether.

"Here is what you are going to be doing," he announced as he shoved his hands into a pair of latex gloves. I didn't even have time to brace myself—he took a very thin needle out and pricked his finger.

My stomach churned.

"You're going to want to wait until I can prepare your cards before you prick yourself," he explained, squeezing the tip of his finger lightly so that a drop of blood flowed out of his pinprick, "but then you can come to the front and get the supplies you'll need." The sight… the smell… it was all making me sick.

I rose my hand, desperate to get out of there before the lesson got any further, or at least before I passed out in the middle of class.

"Yes, Miss Swan?" he paused, studying my face. "Do you need to go to the nurse's office?"

"Yes," I answered meekly.

"Take the pass by my briefcase," he instructed, nodding his head over to where his briefcase sat partially open on his desk.

I practically ran out of that room, but once I had escaped I started fully feeling the effects of the blood. I clutched one hand over my chest, willing myself to make it to the nurse's office. The images in front of my eyes spun ever so slightly, but it was enough to make the ground feel wobbly and unstable.

I let myself fall onto a bench and rested my head between my knees. I was hoping that if I stopped for a couple minutes, the rest of the walk to the office would be easier.

"Bella?" I recognized that velvety voice.

"What?" I groaned, wishing that the one time Edward had decided he wanted to chat in the past two weeks hadn't been when I was on the verge of passing out or throwing up.

"Are—are you okay?" I might have thought he sounded concerned if he hadn't been avoiding me.

"Yeah, I always sit like this," I said sarcastically. I felt too light-headed to care about being pleasant.

"Oh, really?" Edward asked, humoring me. I could practically hear a smile in his voice. Seriously, _why_ was he doing this _now?_ "What happened?" he asked, seriously this time.

I exhaled deeply and shut my eyes. "I can't stand the sight of blood," I explained.

"Blood typing," Edward realized out loud.

"Mmhmm."

"Well come on, let's get you to the nurse."

I peered up at Edward for a moment and then returned my head to my knees. "Just let me sit here for a moment," I mumbled into my jeans.

Edward was silent for a moment, and then he walked forward and sat down on the bench next to me.

"I'm sorry."

"That blood makes me queasy?"

"For scaring you," he clarified. He wore a slight frown on his face.

"But I'm not afraid of you." Well, I was afraid of the situation I was in around him sometimes, but I'd never been afraid of Edward, himself.

"Why aren't you?"

I picked my head up off of my knees. It almost sounded like he _wanted _me to be afraid. "Should I be?"

"I told you that you would be better without me. I told you I was dangerous. That doesn't frighten you?" he asked, his eyes intense on mine.

"No."

"Why?" Edward's voice was strained and irritated.

"I don't know. I'm just not."

Edward didn't respond for a few moments, and just watched me intently.

"Then how come were you shaking?"

I blushed and looked away. I didn't want him to figure that out. If he didn't lighten up on his questions I was sure to start shaking again.

Edward shifted next to me. "Oh, I see."

In my peripheral vision, I could see comprehension replace the confusion and irritation on his face. I scrunched my eyes shut and buried my head back in my knees, where it belonged. _Please_ tell me I hadn't just given myself away.

He did know. I could feel it in the silence.

--

A/N:

A couple of you expressed interest in the RP again and asked questions about what it is.

RP stands for roleplay. Basically, I've got one site dedicated to one large roleplay. Every member always plays the same character/s, and no two people share the same character. You write posts with other characters to create the story… and it can go in pretty much whichever direction you want. I've got different forums to represent different locations (Forks High School, the forest, The Cullen Manor, etc).

This one starts from the moment Bella moves to Forks. The characters we see in the book should have the same personality/history/interests/etc on the website. That doesn't mean the plot will be the same! Its already going in a different direction than the books went.

Anyway, the only canon characters already taken are Bella and Charlie. We've also got one original character (a vampire). I'm really hoping to get some more Cullens, maybe a few Forks High School students… etc.

I promise you, if you are at all interested in trying this out/applying (I swear applying isn't very difficult) and if you have the slightest of questions, I will help you figure it out. Just email me at , or else you can ask a question on the CBox at the bottom of the RP website or ask something in the Help forum near the top of the website…. Or ask for help when you leave a review!

Again, the url is goldeneyes rp.pro board s.co m/in dex.cgi

(I had a 101 in the url the first time but it looks like that isn't needed…)


	11. Lunchtime Revelations

A/N: Oh man, you guys are awesome! Seriously, I've got amazing readers! Thank you so much for all the reviews, and even just for reading! You guys broke all the previous records for my story! I'd love to see it happen again, haha. Anyway, I hope you guys love this chapter!

**penguinopus**- Hmm, well that's good to know that it worked for some people. Yeah, I figured it was time to get Alice in there a little more… and be her usual bold self. She wants to work on becoming more attuned to Bella, anyway, so I figured I'd have a little fun with her first step!

**lover-of-all-fanfiction**- Aw, I'm glad you like it! I won't answer your question about Bella here, but you should find out this chapter. I don't think I'd be much help for you since I've never read Maximum Ride. Haven't heard of it, honestly. I've been too busy reading for my classes!

**leavingtown**- Haha! Well I don't mind if it's painful as long as it's good and you're liking it! Just wait for when things really start taking off for them ;-)

--

The morning after the blood typing, I had almost convinced myself that I'd been wrong about Edward. I had thought he knew that I had social anxiety disorder, but how could he have? It's not like SAD was a really common thing. I knew that I wouldn't have known what it was if it wasn't for the fact that I was recovering from it. SAD wasn't common like depression or as popular to the public as schizophrenia and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

There was no reason to believe that Edward knew about it. It was possible that he knew that I had been anxious, but that didn't mean he knew the extent of my problems. He couldn't have.

Angela went off to lunch without me, since my Spanish teacher had asked me to drop off her attendance sheet in the office. I made the quick detour to turn in the papers, and on my way from the office to the cafeteria I ran into Mike. He smiled and jogged over to meet me. It was nice to have someone who I could tell—without a doubt—was always glad to see me.

"Hey, Bella," he said as he fell into step next to me.

"Hey, Mike, how's it going?"

Mike shoved his hands in his pockets. "Good. So, uh, how are you feeling today?"

"Pretty good I guess," I said. I could feel a trace of pink light up in my face as I remembered what was going on the last time Mike had seen me.

"Good, because you were looking really pale yesterday in bio."

"Yeah," I said, trying to laugh it off. "Thanks for the reminder."

"So, what? Blood makes you feel sick, then?"

"Yeah. It always has. Good thing I don't want to be a doctor when I grow up."

Mike laughed. "Yeah, that might not be too good."

Once the cafeteria was within view, Mike slowed down his pace. I slowed down with him and turned to face him.

"What?" I asked, wondering if something was wrong or if he had forgotten something.

"How would you like to do something this weekend?" I could hear the hope in his voice, and that made me feel even worse for the fact that I suddenly wanted to leave him on the sidewalk.

"Mike I told you that—"

"I know, you don't want to date and you don't want me to try. I got it. It doesn't have to be a date."

My palms were starting to feel damp, so it was a good thing I was wearing gloves. "I don't know…"

"We can't even hang out as friends?"

He was making me feel guilty. I hated feeling guilty! To be perfectly honest the idea of spending a lot of alone time with any guy, even strictly as friends, was something I didn't even want to consider. Plus, I highly doubted that Mike truly wanted us to go down the friends path.

"Now's not the best time," I muttered, hating myself for lying. I picked up our pace so we could join the cafeteria crowd and leave this conversation behind. "Maybe some other time?"

I could tell by Mike's expression that he wasn't sure I was serious about trying again later. His face hardened ever so slightly. "Alright. Maybe later," he said, keeping his voice light.

I was very glad to reach the cafeteria, because I doubted Mike would keep trying in the cafeteria. He always approached me when we were somewhere more private.

Once I had gone through the line and bought my food, I took a seat next to Angela at our usual lunch table. Her eyes flickered back and forth between me and Mike. She had noticed us come into the cafeteria together, it seemed, and she probably noticed something different in his or my facial expression. I gave her a significant look, trying to communicate with her that I would tell her what had happened sometime when there weren't as many people around. She seemed to understand, because she turned to listen in on what the rest of the table was talking about.

My eyes roamed the cafeteria, landing on the Cullen table. It was getting to be such a habit, now. One of the first things I would do every lunch period was check to see if Edward was there. I wanted to know that I would see him in biology, but today I was looking for some sort of clue for what Edward would be like today. His mood seemed to change so much that it was hard for me to keep up with him. I wasn't sure if he would still be talking to me today, and I was hoping to find the answer.

Edward wasn't there. I wasn't sure why, because the rest of his family were in their usual seats. The blonde one, Rosalie, was watching me with hostile eyes. What was her problem?

I sighed to myself, accepting that I wouldn't be seeing Edward in biology. I would have to wait even longer to see how he was reacting to yesterday.

Angela tugged on a bit of my sleeve and pointed in the direction of the lunch line. "Why is Edward staring at you?"

My heart skipped a beat. My eyes followed Angela's line of sight until it landed on a table that was usually empty. Well, today it wasn't, because Edward sat there with his arms folded across his chest. No one else was sitting at the table. When he motioned me over to his table the thoughts in my head went into hyper drive. Was this about yesterday?

"Hang on… I'm going to see what he wants." Again I got a questioning look from Angela. I had no answers for her, so I shrugged my shoulders, grabbed my tray and backpack, and walked over to Edward's table.

"Hey, Edward." Edward choked back a laugh. "What?" I was suddenly afraid I had done something stupid without even realizing it.

"Nothing—it's Mike. I think he's a little jealous."

I turned to check behind me. Mike was staring pointedly at his pizza slice and focusing way too much on the layer of grease on top of the cheese. I wouldn't be surprised if he was upset when that I had just turned him down only to join Edward for lunch.

"Well, considering that he's already jealous you might as well join me for lunch today, right?" His grin was absolutely irresistible, showing off his perfectly white teeth.

I set my stuff down and took a seat, "I guess you're right," I agreed, only I wasn't nearly as amused by Mike's jealousy as Edward seemed to be.

"I wanted to apologize to you," he said, his expression suddenly unreadable.

"What for? You didn't do anything wrong."

His deep butterscotch eyes jumped away from mine and then back. It was all the proof I needed that Edward knew exactly what was wrong with me. "I feel like I stumbled in somewhere private. I'm not sure I'm welcome."

Damn right he wasn't welcome. I didn't want someone knowing that sort of thing. Until yesterday, the only person who had known anything about my anxieties in Forks was my dad. It wasn't the sort of thing I wanted people to know. I much preferred that people would come to know me by what they noticed themselves, rather than what they had heard about my past.

I couldn't blame Edward for it, though, so I said nothing and instead imitated Mike, looking down at my food. It was more my fault than anything, and he certainly hadn't done anything out of malice. I just wasn't ready for people to know that about me, and I wouldn't be until my social anxiety disorder was well behind me. The effect Edward had on me was all the proof I needed that I still had a ways to go.

"When did you find out?" he asked me when I didn't respond.

"I was diagnosed a year ago," I said, picking up a fork and poking at my mashed potatoes. When I looked back up, his eyes were still focused on me. "How did you know?"

Edward didn't answer right away. He was thinking. "I've studied a bit of psychology," he said, being delicate with his wording.

"But that's not a class here."

"You're right, it isn't."

What did he mean by that? Did he just roam the internet and randomly decide to read all he could find about social anxiety disorder? Last year, his sophomore year, had been his first year at Forks which meant that if he had taken a high school psychology class he would have had to have taken it as a freshman. I was pretty sure that most high schools didn't allow freshmen to take psychology. Wasn't it an AP course? Maybe I was thinking of a different subject.

I dropped the subject moving onto something I cared more about. "So you don't think I'm some freak, then?" I asked. Some people thought so. They were entirely focused on the fact that people who kept to themselves were different, unnatural, strange… I might not be at that point anymore, but I couldn't deny that it was part of my past.

"Why would I think that?"

"It's not normal."

"Bella, compared to me you are blissfully normal."

"This is where you tell me I shouldn't hang out with you, isn't it?"

Edward chuckled. "That sounds about right." I could have sworn his eyes were sparkling.

"Then why did you have me come over here if you were going to tell me off for it?" I was getting frustrated with him.

"Because I wanted you to," he answered simply. "As long as you don't object, I won't try to stay away again."

Something clicked in my head. Edward had been staying away because he thought I had been afraid of _him_. He had been trying to help me. That was, in some weird way, the nicest thing a guy had ever done for me.

"Well, I don't."

Edward smiled.

I took a bite of my mashed potatoes, looking over at Edward's untouched tray of food. Come to think of it, I had never seen him eat before. Did this also have to do with the reason he was convinced he was dangerous?

"You don't ever eat, do you?"

"No. I don't." Edward picked up his fork and stirred around his vegetable medley, perhaps to make it look like he was at least thinking about eating to everyone else.

"You don't eat anything? Do you have any needs at all?" I asked, only half seriously.

"I do, just none that you have." I knit my eyebrows together, confused. Edward sighed out. "Ah, it seems you get me admitting things I shouldn't."

"I don't get it," I said, my fork of mashed potatoes halting in midair. "Are you saying you don't have to sleep?"

"I _can't_ sleep," he corrected.

"Then what do you do? I mean, what do you actually need?"

"Please, Bella," Edward said, pleadingly. His hand shot forward, contemplating grabbing mine to emphasize his need, but he retracted it. "Just leave it." His voice sounded so lovely and silky, and with him looking at me with such soft, stunning eyes like that I found I couldn't deny him.

"Okay," I agreed.

Edward looked pleased for a moment, but within moments it melted into a frown. "Alice," he stated, frustrated. It almost sounded like a warning. Where had that come from?

I wasn't sure what he meant until a couple seconds later when Alice set her own tray of untouched food next to Edward.

"Bella, how are you?" she asked enthusiastically. I still couldn't get over how she acted as though I'd been her friend for years.

"Good," I answered, then hesitated. "You?"

"Yes, Alice, how are you?" Edward asked sarcastically. He looked mildly irritated. I couldn't help but feel like I was missing something.

"Oh hush, Edward. Don't be rude. I just wanted join you and Bella."

I decided to busy myself with my food, taking a large bite of pizza and letting them talk it out. They didn't, though. They seemed to be talking with their eyes. Alice looked at Edward with a simple smile on her face, and Edward's demeanor changed smoothly from one of annoyance to one of reluctant acceptance.

"So you feeling better today?" Alice asked. "I heard you got sick in biology yesterday."

I groaned. Edward laughed.

--

A/N: That's the end of this chapter. I know, its back to a normal length... I wish I could make them all as long as the last one was. I've got some stuff I'm really excited about writing planned for next chapter.

Hey guys! More info about the RP. **The original site has been kind of messing up**… so I'm trying to do this again on a new site. The two are essentially the same, the only difference being the name of the site and the fact that this one actually works!

Oh yeah… and my friend who was playing Bella had to bow out due to some family issues… but that means that **Bella is available**! More than one person can apply to be the same character, but only one person will be able to play each one. I have had a few people say they wanted to join, and some people visited the first site, it seems, but either due to the malfunctions of the first site or uncertainty, none of you guys applied… so if you guys want to join, you kind of just have to do it. Again, let me know if you've got questions. I've updated the link on this chapter and on my profile page.

The new url is: thecoldonesrp .probo ards.co m (remove the spaces!)

Show the love! Click that cool little Go! button down below! Review s'il vous plait!


	12. Scary Movies

"Alright, you have some things to tell me

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry, I really wanted to get this posted sooner, but I didn't have much time this weekend. My dance team went on this road trip to take lessons from this amazing instructor who cut us a deal, and on top of that some… very odd things happened. I promise it will have been worth the wait! I found myself writing bits of this chapter on scraps of paper in the car!

--

"Alright, you have some things to tell me."

Angela was sitting on my bed while I was kneeling on the floor and looking through the movies I owned. We had agreed on a movie night, but the problem was that I couldn't find a good movie, and Angela seemed set on getting information out of me.

I sighed, turning away from my movies to look up at Angela. "What do you want to know?"

"Pretty much everything."

"About Mike?" I asked, delaying. I wasn't stupid—I knew what she wanted to know.

"I stopped wondering about him _when Edward wanted you to join him at lunch_!" She was leaning forward now, waiting for a response. "I can figure out what happened with Mike, that's not hard. It looks like you turned him down again or something, but since when have you been friends with Edward?"

Were Edward and I friends? "I'm not exactly sure."

"Because I got the impression that you thought he didn't like you."

"I did. I guess I was wrong." I blushed a little. He definitely didn't dislike me. Whenever he wasn't avoiding me for some noble reason he seemed to always be around.

"So what happened yesterday, then?"

I didn't think it would be right to mention all the unhuman things about him or his warnings to stay away. It didn't feel like my place to tell her when I truly didn't believe that Edward was dangerous. As for my social anxiety… I still wasn't sure I was ready to tell her about that. I wanted to tell her sooner or later, but for now I would wait.

"I don't know," I said, getting a little flustered. Talking about being with someone I liked felt almost as hard to me as actually being around them. "Normal stuff, I guess. He thought it was really funny that Mike was getting jealous." It had been just about the only thing we'd talked about that I could mention.

"Yeah, poor Mike."

I pulled a few movies off the shelf behind me and set them in front of me. I didn't really want to watch any of them, honestly. I'd seen them all too many times, but what kind of movie night would it be without a movie?

"I don't know, I can't decide which movie to put in. You decide," I said.

Angela slid off my bed and sat on the floor in front of me, picking up a couple and then setting them down.

"So anyway," she said as she picked up another movie, checked the premise on the back, and then set it back down, "if Edward does it again, would you want to join him?"

"I don't want to abandon you at lunch," I said. I might not have known Angela long enough to be super close to her yet, but I wasn't going to ditch her.

"That's sweet, Bella," Angela said, smiling, "but I don't want to hold you back, either. Would you want to join him again?"

"Yeah, I would." It was the honest truth. In fact, I hoped I would get to do it again soon. If he didn't wait for me at lunch the next day would that mean anything?

"Do you like him?" Angela was still smiling. It looked like she _wanted_ me to say yes.

"Angela…"

"I'm sorry for all the questions," she said, suddenly turning serious at the signs of stress appearing on my face. "I'll stop if you want me to. I'm just… I don't know, I guess I'm excited for you."

I knew Angela didn't mean harm by it. In fact, I was glad that I had a friend who was eager to know about this sort of thing—not for gossip but because she was excited for me. It made me want to tell her everything, but how much would I look like a fool if I was completely misinterpreting the signs? Maybe he really did just want to be friends.

"I think I like him way more than I should considering how little I know him." I wasn't just referring to the fact that there was something _huge_ about Edward that he was keeping from me. I was also talking about how, for about half of the little time I've known him he didn't talk to me at all. I really hadn't had much time to talk to him.

Angela's smile popped right back on her face.

Angela and I ended up deciding to see if there were any movies on TV that were worth watching. The only thing we could find that wasn't already half over was a black-and-white horror flick about vampires from the late 1950's. It was tacky and not even remotely believable, but highly entertaining.

Despite all the laughing, there was something about the movie that really bothered me. I couldn't quite pin down the reason that it disturbed me, though. Something just wasn't right.

It wasn't until Angela left afterwards and I was climbing into bed that I figured out what had been bothering me. The vampire in the movie had reminded me of Edward to an insane degree. The vampire in the movie and Edward were both charming, pale, and beautiful.

I remembered something else Edward had mentioned. He had said he had none of the needs that I had. Vampires drink blood… and that was definitely something that I didn't need. Could that be one of his needs?

Clearly my exhausted mind was loosing its grip on reality. It was just my head fooling with me, I was sure. It was late and I had halfway drifted off to sleep. I knew there was something different about Edward, but this wasn't it. There were too many things that being a vampire couldn't explain.

Weren't vampires supposed to sleep in the day? Wasn't the sun supposed to scorch them? And yet, Edward went to school. The days he missed were because he was hiking. True, those were sunny days, and so one could say that I had no proof that he didn't just stay inside… but no one could navigate a hiking trail with as much grace as Edward had without having actually done it a lot. He would have had to be outside in the sun.

Then there was the fact that Edward didn't fly—though he was really fast.

That's not to mention that I simply could not believe that a vampire could exist.

If Edward was some sort of non-human creature, he was probably something that wasn't covered in myths.

I fell asleep within ten minutes, having convinced myself that Edward was no vampire.

EPOV

Ever since the fieldtrip to Olympic National Park when I saw just how much danger Bella attracted—not to mention the fact that she had a vampire trying to force his way into her life—I had been worried she might attract more. I kept seeing people's thoughts of Bella tripping throughout the day. The problem was that I was only around her for a couple hours of the day, usually, so that meant that there was a lot of time when I wouldn't be able to help her.

When I mentioned my concerns to the rest of my family, some of them—namely Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett—didn't take me seriously. They said that they couldn't understand my 'fixation' with her, as they called it. They said she was just an obsession.

Alice, however, was all too thrilled that I was worried about Bella. She said it was about time that I found someone to care about. She was also thrilled that she kept getting visions of her and Bella being friends in the near future. Actually, Alice was already starting to speak of Bella as though they already were friends, which quickly got on my nerves. When you added in the fact that she was having more, clearer visions of Bella, she was simply ecstatic.

Eventually, wondering about whether or not Bella was okay started to drive me crazy. I decided I was going to stop by her house… just for a little while. Just long enough to know that she was alright.

Rosalie wasn't too pleased with me when I left home. She thought I was losing my mind, and maybe I was.

I was able to find Bella's house pretty easily. I had seen it a few times in her father's head as well as in Angela's. Once I found it I realized immediately, to my relief, that Bella was okay. I got a quick glimpse into Angela's thoughts as she climbed into her car and drove away. She was thinking about what she needed to get done before school the next day, which wasn't remotely helpful to me.

I waited for Angela's thoughts to die down, and once they did I scaled the wall of the house, looking for the window to Bella's room. She was still awake, but she was picking out her pajamas for the night.

I jumped down from the window and ran into the forest, climbing up in a tree so I could stay hidden while I waited for Bella to go to bed and fall asleep. I wasn't sure why, but I was very reluctant to leave just yet. I had told myself I would leave once I had seen her, but now that I was there, I wanted to stay with her.

Were I a human, surely I would be in danger of 'peeping tom' status.

In the distance, I could hear the sound of Bella breathing. I waited on my branch amongst the wind and cricket chirps until it came more slowly and steadily.

Finally satisfied that Bella was asleep, I jumped down from my post and climbed back up to her window. The door creaked when I opened it, but Bella remained asleep. She only grumbled in her sleep and rolled over onto her side away from me.

I remained on her windowsill for a moment, ready to jump back down in case she woke up, but she didn't. After a few minutes, she rolled over again, facing me. Her face was peaceful… more so than I'd ever seen it at school. I was used to seeing traces of uncertainty or stress in her features, but here, she looked beautifully serene. I might have been the one built to lure in my prey, but _she_ was the one that had _me_ hypnotized.

For a while, I lost track of time. Whether minutes or hours had passed, I was not sure, but I eventually decided that I should leave and allow her some privacy while she dreamt.

Before I could completely commit to leaving, I heard her voice ring out.

"Edward."

I froze for a moment and then crept forward, trying to figure out if she had woken up. Her eyes were still closed.

"Edward," she said again, then rolled over, facing away from me.

If I had a beating heart, it would have started racing. Was she dreaming about me? For a moment, I wondered if I was trespassing on the inner workings of her mind… but when had I ever _not_ shamelessly tried to hear her thoughts? This would be the closest I would get to hearing what went on in her head. Was I strong enough to give that chance up?

No. No, I wasn't. Especially not when the thing she was thinking about was me.

I crept back into the shadows of Bella's room and watched from there, trying to gauge again whether she had woken up based on her breathing when she again turned in her bed, now lying on her back. "A vampire?" she asked, still asleep.

My eyes widened. She couldn't have possibly figured out what I was… could she? Was she really so much more perceptive than I had thought she was?

This was not good, not even remotely. Would she tell anyone? Would anyone even believe her if she told? If she tried to tell, would I be able to stop her?

A cold fear settled in me. My family's cover could be completely blown. We would have to leave Forks and find somewhere else to live. I would never see Bella again, but she would be better for it. She would get the chance to be with someone who wasn't so hazardous to her health…

But hadn't she already known that something was different about me? She had already assumed that I wasn't exactly human, and yet she hadn't told. Maybe, just maybe, Bella would be able to keep this to herself. If she did, we would be able to stay. I would have to ask Alice to pay even more attention to Bella's future to see if she would tell anyone that we were vampires.

_This might not be as bad as it seems._ I told myself. Everything might still be okay… only now, Bella might finally know enough to be afraid of me. Now that she knew what I was, would she even want to talk to me?

--

A/N: I hope you liked the chapter! Please review!  
Next chapter will continue in EPOV for a while.


	13. Falls and Misinterpretations

Hey! So I have been running all over campus lately so I know I'm getting this out a day later than I wanted…. But it's also longer than most of my previous chapters, so I hope that makes up for the delay! I've got some very exciting stuff going on this chapter, but I don't want to spoil it so you'll have to read and see what happens for yourself!

A few responses….

**ol2bob**- Aw, thank you! That's seriously one of the best compliments I could have gotten because I'd been so worried when I was starting out that the story would feel too woe-is-me.

**FRK921**- Good! Because I've got a whole chapter here written as EPOV! So much Edwardness!

**lover-of-all-fanfiction**- Hehe, just wait until you read this chapter! I'm really hoping this one has the same effect!

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh.

--

EPOV

The next day at school, Wednesday, I arrived not knowing what to expect. Part of me wanted to back away from Bella, again, and allow her the chance to have a normal high school experience that didn't involve vampires, but hadn't I promised her that I would not stay away from her again as long as she didn't object? It would have to be up to her. I could not make that decision for her.

I decided to use lunch to my advantage, again, to make sure I got Bella out of the hearing range of humans. The first test for her reaction would be whether or not she would sit next to me again at lunch.

I took a seat at the same table as yesterday and waited as the students started to fill in. My eyes were immediately drawn to Bella when she arrived. I watched as she glanced back over to the table where the rest of my family sat, frowned just slightly, and then looked over at my table. Her face was so blank that I couldn't tell whether she was glad to see me or scared.

Bella turned to go walk through the line. It was hard to believe that I had seen her only a few hours ago… and yet she had no idea.

_There he is. I _knew_ he liked her. He can't keep his eyes off her._

I recognized Angela's thoughts fairly easily, but did not look over at her. I tried not to draw attention to the fact that I could hear what other people were thinking whenever I could.

_I bet Bella's excited he's waiting for her again. Why else would he be there?_

That definitely caught my attention. _Would_ Bella be excited? I could only think of one reason she might be that happy. Was it possible that she liked me, too? Or rather, was it possible that she had until she realized that I was a vampire? Maybe now that she knew the truth she will have changed her mind. The idea upset me. I had found out too late that she was interested in me, as well.

I refused to let myself linger on this, and instead waited as Bella left the lunch line with her tray. Again, her eyes shot over to me. I nodded my head over to the empty seat next to me and watched as a pink blush rise up in her cheeks. I couldn't help but smile to myself, triumphant that I could make her blush. The hint of red looked lovely on her face.

"Hey," she said as she walked up to my table stood by the empty seat beside me. She was hesitating.

"I was wondering if you might want to join me a second time," I said, verbalizing my invitation.

Bella's eyes widened, but not out of fear. She must have thought I was safe enough, because she set her things on the ground and sat down. At least she wasn't completely avoiding me. I was trying to decipher the way she moved. I was looking for any sign that she was more nervous than usual. She had hesitated a little, but how was I supposed to know if that was something she might have done anyway? Was she afraid because of her social phobia or because I was a vampire? Was it something else?

"You look surprised," I decided out loud, wondering if that was why she was hesitating. "Why is that?"

"I don't know… I guess I didn't really expect you'd be waiting here a second time."

I'd been right, and that pleased me. Maybe I was getting better at reading her. "Why didn't you?" I asked.

"I guess I thought that you might want to eat with your family again."

"They can manage without me for another lunch period. I've spent more time with them than anyone in this school has spent with theirs."

"Are you guys really close?"

"Very." It was a given in my family. It was hard not to be close when you had so much time together and when it was virtually impossible to have secrets.

Bella looked over at my family's table, where Alice was trying really hard to look like she wasn't listening in. _Are you going to let me come over there?_ Alice wasn't bothering to mask how eager she was. I scoffed at her, trying not to laugh.

"What?" Bella asked, suddenly alert. She must have thought I'd scoffed at her.

"Nothing, it's just… my sister."

The blank expression on Bella's face told me that she didn't know what I had meant.

"Are you close with your family?" I asked Bella, choosing not to go into the fact that I could hear thoughts just yet. Wasn't it enough for now that she knew I was a vampire?

"I guess so," she said with a sigh. "I mean, I am with my mom, but things are different with my dad. We're both kind of quiet so it makes it harder for us to bond sometimes."

"So, what, do you two only discuss what's going on in your lives?"

"Pretty much. We're getting better at it, though."

_Aw, they would make a cute couple. _There was Angela again, but her thoughts were interrupted by Mike's

_I bet he thinks he's so cool. What does Bella see in him?_

The rest of lunch and biology passed without a hitch. I was cautious at first, not wanting to do anything to scare Bella, but she didn't seem to be acting much differently from the way she had the day before. Maybe it really wasn't a big deal to her. Maybe her survival instincts really were non-existent. I couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing—it was mainly a good thing for me, but it was undoubtedly a bad thing for her.

By the time school was over, I was fairly convinced that Bella wasn't afraid of me, or at least not enough to be afraid while she was at school. There were a lot of other people around, after all.

I was only mildly annoyed with myself for watching Bella from my Volvo as she pulled her backpack off of her shoulders to search for something. After all, what else was I supposed to do? I had to wait for Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett, and they would not risk their human façades just so that they could get back home sooner.

Bella's car wasn't parked far from mine. In fact, she had to walk past mine in order to reach hers. As she did so, she looked over in my direction and… there it was. A small, shy smile, but it was meant for me all the same.

Bella's smile faltered, and I realized that she had slipped in a puddle. I didn't hesitate as I threw open the door of my car and raced over to catch her, reaching her and throwing my arms around her when she was just a foot off the ground. Her backpack fell into the puddle, splashing against our legs.

Watching out for Bella was starting to look like a full-time job.

Bella was a little tense at first as she realized what had happened, but then relaxed in my hold. "Thanks," she muttered.

"It seems like I'm always catching you, doesn't it?" It was hard not to laugh at how this was turning into some sort of ritual.

"I never asked you to…" Bella protested, but I didn't let her finish her thought.

"What kind of person would I be if I let you fall?" I challenged. When I was met with silence, I smirked. "Exactly."

I felt Bella tug away from me, not trying to stand up, but trying to free herself from my arms. "Oh, crap!"

"What?"

"My notes!" she cried, grabbing her backpack out of the puddle. She pulled the zipper pocket open and took out a couple notebooks. The bottom halves were soaked through. "Crap!" Bella opened up the top notebook and flipped through the pages that were starting to stick together. The wet portions were completely illegible.

"I can't read them!" she complained, a tone of panic in her voice. "We've got a biology test in two days and half of my notes are washed off!"

By the looks of things, Bella was more afraid of failing a test than of me. I took the soggy notebooks from her and offered her my hand to help her up. "How about this: I go home with you, you copy my notes… what?" Bella was suddenly looking at me frozen nervous eyes. She might have backed away the slightest bit.

"I-I don't know if that's a good idea…"

"I see." It seemed to me like Bella wasn't afraid to be near me when other people were around, but that she thought I might be more dangerous if we were in a more private environment. If only she knew that if there were other people around and I was determined to kill her, those other people wouldn't make a difference. I would kill them, too, before they could understand what was going on. I wasn't too eager for her to know that, obviously.

"So do you not want to because of your social anxiety or because I'm a vampire?" I asked, testing my theory.

When Bella's expression morphed from confusion, to understanding, and then to shock I realized I had just made a catastrophic mistake.

"What?!"

"I--didn't you know?" I asked frowning.

"No!" Bella was looking at me as though I had just grown a second head. Or fangs.

"Oh… Bella—"

"How did—"

"Can we not talk about this here?" I asked, looking around me. I didn't think that anyone around was close enough to have heard anything suspicious, but I wasn't going to make that gamble. I took her by the arm and led her to my car, opening the passenger door for her. She looked up at me with questioning eyes but obeyed my silent command, getting into the car.

"I didn't want the whole school to overhear," I explained once I had climbed back in the driver's seat and closed the door. Her scent was already attacking my senses, making my throat burn with thirst. I was going to have to deal with it, though. This was going to require a lot of talking, and therefore a lot of breathing.

"Sorry." I almost thought she was apologizing for the burn she caused in my throat.

"You seriously did not know?"

Bella was silent for a moment. "Should I have?"

"No, but I though you had figured it out."

"_How_ did you think that?"

All those times I had interrogated her were catching up to me. Suddenly, I was the one in the spotlight.

"How could you possibly have known I thought that?" Bella repeated.

What? "I thought you said you hadn't known."

"I hadn't. I considered it, though," she admitted. Her eyes were searching mine, as though she were looking for a trace of the vampire within me. "I thought it was too far-fetched, so I decided I was wrong."

"You dismissed the idea?"

"Up until about two minutes ago. _How did you know?"_

I could hear just how deeply she wanted to know. It was awfully backwards—she was worrying about the wrong thing. She should be worrying about her life, not her secrecy. I had invaded her secrecy, though, and I was fully aware of it. I had essentially spied on her. I wasn't too keen on admitting that to her.

"Oh my god," Bella whispered. "Can you hear my thoughts? Oh my god, you can, can't you? That's how you knew!"

The irony made me snort with laughter.

"No, Bella. Calm down." It was surprising how much the idea of that bothered her. She looked horrified. "Yours are the only ones I _can't_ hear." If I could have heard her thoughts, I would have realized already that she hadn't known what I was. Bella must not have thought of this in her current panicked state.

Bella calmed down visibly, relaxing her muscles and sitting back in the seat. "Really? Why?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"But you can hear everyone else's?"

I nodded once. "For as long as I've been a vampire."

"So if you can't hear my thoughts, how did you know I'd considered the whole vampire theory." Bella's voice had a definite cautious edge to it again.

I didn't answer. I changed topics, feeling as though there were more pressing issues to deal with. "Are you not terrified?"

"Of what?"

"You are impossible," I sighed, gripping my steering wheel.

"Oh, the vampire thing?"

"_The vampire thing,_" I mocked. How could she be so unconcerned? "You say that like it's not a big deal."

Bella bit her lip. For a fraction of a second, I wondered what would happen if she bit it hard enough that her lip started bleeding.

"If you were going to kill me, wouldn't have you done it already?" she asked me.

How could Bella even think that? Didn't she realize that a person's scent is always there, a constant temptation? She was just so… blasé about it.

"Just because I can resist one moment doesn't mean I always will be able to. My family tries to live off of animals instead but we're not perfect."

"But you're around people every day. There haven't been any deaths."

I did not want to go into this. She was realizing that it wasn't usually hard to live around people. I didn't want to tell Bella why she was more difficult than everyone else. She shouldn't have to know that. I should be able to deal with it by myself without putting her at risk.

"Just suffice it to say that my kind is known to kill people. That should inspire at least a little fear in you. You'd be right to be scared."

"I'm not." Bella wasn't looking at me anymore. She was facing straight ahead and had her arms crossed tightly in front of her. I could hear a slight quiver in her voice. She had said she wasn't afraid of me….

"So all this," I said, motioning to her arms, a clear sign of discomfort "and you not wanting to have me come to your place… that's not because you're afraid I might kill you but because you're afraid you'll do something that will make me think less of you?"

"Pretty much," Bella said, nodding shortly. Her cheeks reddened just slightly.

I couldn't decide whether I was glad that she wasn't afraid of what I was or if I should be upset that she wasn't. On one hand, that meant that she could possibly get over her fear of being around me, but on the other…. If I wanted to keep doing something that put her life on the line, then I didn't deserve someone like Bella, anyway.

But I'd said I would leave it up to Bella, hadn't I?

"Bella, I don't think there's anything you could do that would make me judge you badly."

She turned her head and met my gaze. There it was again, that small smile meant just for me.

"If you think I'm capable of… keeping control of my thirst around you… then know that regarding you in a positive light is absolutely effortless. I always have."

_If she doesn't believe you then you should have her ask us. We can testify for you._ Emmett's amused thoughts were popping up in my head. _I personally think she's got a right to know how much you blab about her. _My family was pretty close to the car now. I wondered how much of our conversation they had heard.

I wasn't about to let Emmett interfere, not when whatever was going on between Bella and me was at such a fragile stage. He would have too much fun trying to get me to squirm. It was time to wrap this up.

"How would you like to do something with me on Friday? To celebrate finishing our first biology test?" The words just fell out of my mouth. I hadn't exactly intended to suggest doing something out of school, not when Bella had just turned me down. I wasn't entirely sure if I was asking her out or just suggesting we hang out. Of course, I wanted to believe the former.

"Like what?" Bella asked. She looked surprised, but not particularly nervous about the idea.

"Just leave that to me. What do you say?"

Bella bit her lip again. How I wished I could hear what was going on in her head! "Maybe," she said. She was smiling again, not at me, but to herself. Maybe I was doing something right. The idea cheered me.

"That's good enough for me," I said. If she even considered it, it would mean something.

"Well, I've got to go, but I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked, reaching for the door handle.

"If you'd like. Lunch?"

Bella nodded, looking over at me. "Bye, Edward." She opened the door and got out of the car, but not all too gracefully. I shook my head, laughing as I wondered to myself how likely she would be to fall again. I knew I would be right there to catch her if she did.

--

A/N: I hope you liked the chapter! This one was pretty fun to write. I wrote a lot of the conversations while I was waiting for classes to begin. You should see what my class notes look like, haha.

I've got a lot of fundraising duties this week for my dance team, but I'll do what I can to get the next chapter out ASAP!

Anyway, if you liked it, show the love and press that awesome little Go! button! I love reading your reviews!

Love you guys!  
Melissa


	14. Change of Heart

A/N: Oh man, I seriously have the best readers! Your comments made me smile so much! It makes me feel bad for taking so long to get this chapter up, but like I said, I had an insanely busy weekend. This chapter should hopefully make up for it ;-) In this chapter, you will get to see a little more into the mind of someone with SAD. I worked really hard on making it as realistic as possible, so I hope it's believable.

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh.

--

BPOV

I spent a good part of the next day thinking over Edward's suggestion for Friday. It was absolutely ridiculous how much I wanted to tell him that yes, I would love to spend time with him outside of school. It started to feel like this would be my first real shot at getting to know Edward.

Nevertheless, the idea of so much one-on-one time with Edward terrified me. Would I be able to find enough things to say to keep it from getting awkward? What if he got bored? If it were to become too much for me to handle would I be able to get out of there before I made myself look like a neurotic freak? It just felt like there were so many things that could go wrong.

And yet, Edward was being oddly supportive. I was surprised that he couldn't read my thoughts, because he was doing exactly what I needed to approach the situation with as clear of a head as possible. He didn't press me on the issue at all. I had lunch with him on Thursday again, and he didn't bring up the invitation even once. Edward was allowing me to bring it up when I was ready, and I was grateful for that. It meant that I could consider my options without feeling as much pressure.

Ultimately, the fact that Edward hadn't forced the subject was the reason I decided to accept his invitation. It seemed like a casual enough invitation and that made me think that I could handle the time with him. My stomach did a small flip as I set my mind on this, just before leaving for school on Friday morning. It was hard for me to decide if it was out of excitement or anxiety. I grabbed my school bag and headed out the door.

If I had known that Edward was going to be waiting in front of my house, leaning against his silver Volvo as though it were the most natural thing in the world to drive me to school, I would have started getting nervous the moment I woke up.

"H-hey," I stuttered, caught completely off-guard.

Edward smiled a crooked grin at me. "Good morning," he greeted. I could have sworn someone had printed out a car ad from a couture magazine and set it up in my driveway. It was unfair that someone could look so flawlessly perfect at this time of the day. My eyes were probably squinty from sleep, whereas his eyes were alight with humor and studying me carefully… and as beautiful a shade of topaz as ever.

"Hey," I said in response, halted in my spot in front of my house. My heart jolted in my chest, and I had no problem figuring out that that was a result of the warm feeling rising up inside me. I was excited that he was there.

"So are you coming to school today or not?" he asked me, opening the passenger door of his car.

"Yeah," I said, unfreezing myself and walking over to the car. I didn't really know how to handle this sort of chivalry, but nonetheless I climbed into the passenger seat. "Thanks."

He closed the door for me and ran—if you could call practically reappearing at the driver-side door running—to the other side of the car and got in beside me. It explained a lot. How many times had he magically been there for me? At the time I hadn't been sure if I was losing my mind or just really bad at noticing things, but he really could move faster than anyone I had ever known before. Clearly he was no longer hiding those things from me.

"I figured it'd be a good idea to save gas by carpooling. It's better for the environment, you know," he mused, a hint of irony in his voice as he started the car and pulled onto the street. It made sense, I decided. Weren't vampires supposed to be immortal? Some people might not be too worried about the environment, but I suppose if Edward was going to be around for a long time he would have to face the consequences, himself.

The moment we hit the street, Edward accelerated, and I saw the needle on the speedometer jump to 120 miles per hour.

"Edward! What are you doing?!" I shrieked, grasping the edge of my seat. Was he trying to get me killed?

"Calm down, I won't crash. My reflexes are way too good for that." Edward was completely at ease. Even more than that, he was _enjoying_ this.

I peered out my window, and the speed of the images blurring by made my head spin. "What about the _car's_ reflexes?" I demanded, only slightly less panicked. Edward seemed to really believe that this was safe… but I was scared stiff.

"Rosalie tweaked this car. Trust me, you'll be okay."

"If you really do care about conserving gas then you'd slow down!" I argued, taking a different strategy. Suddenly I knew Edward hadn't wanted to drive me just to preserve the environment. The car slowed down a little.

"How about a compromise," Edward suggested.

The speedometer read 90 miles per hour. "Some compromise!" I said, stunned. Still, I loosened my grip on the seat. At least I could see the images outside the car, now. I could handle it.

Edward chuckled . "Sorry, I guess it's hard to relate to human fears when you haven't been one for a few decades," he said, letting the car slow down to 70 miles per hour. I was grateful, even if it was still quite a bit faster than I usually drove to school. "You ready for the test today?" he asked me, suddenly.

"Yeah, I think so" I answered. I had set aside a couple hours to review the material the night before. "Are you?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders trivially. "I've taken tests just like this several times before. There wasn't really a need to study."

I guess that made sense, but it didn't seem like the test held much importance to Edward. "So then tonight is just meant to be a celebration for me?"

"If you accept the invitation it won't be," he said, looking over at me with an accusing, crooked grin. An embarrassingly predictable blush rose in my cheeks. "Does that mean you want to do something tonight?"

"Yeah." I absolutely did. Even if I hadn't been sure, with the way his eyes bore into mine it would have been very hard to say 'no'. "Edward, the road!"

He didn't seem to be paying any attention to the road, but again he was perfectly calm. Edward breathed out a laugh and shifted his attention back to the road. "So I've got a few questions for you."

"About what?" I asked.

"Just your past—with SAD."

I was a little guarded about discussing this sort of thing with Edward, but I was willing to do it. "Alright," I said, giving him permission.

"How did it affect you?"

"That's a pretty large-scale question…"

"Okay then. How did it affect you dating-wise?" He said this completely casually, and yet I felt like he was asking this for a specific reason.

I didn't answer right away. Was tonight actually supposed to be a _date?_ I wasn't sure what our plans were supposed to be, anymore. I had assumed it would be something a little more laid-back and less significant.

"Sorry, is that too personal?"

"No, it's fine," I assured. The question didn't bother me as much as the implications behind his question. "I didn't date. I _haven't_ dated."

"At all?"

"Not once."

"I find that very difficult to believe," Edward said, thoughtfully.

"If you knew me in Phoenix you wouldn't have been surprised."

"Is that why being around me is hard? Because you haven't had as much experience with this sort of thing?"

There he was again, implying that we were very nearly dating, but didn't I really like Edward? Shouldn't I _want_ him to notice me romantically? So why did his implication that we had something going on between the two of us set off a mental alarm in my head?

"I guess so," I said.

Edward pulled his car into the school parking lot. I was completely flabbergasted. I had never gotten to school in such little time before. Normally, I wouldn't have gotten to school for another five minutes.

"It makes sense," Edward allowed. "You've got to prove to yourself you can handle it."

"Yeah," I agreed, pulling my bag up on my lap. I knew I had plenty of time before I needed to get to class, but I suddenly needed escape. Everything in the car felt so intense. Edward was being careful to be nonthreatening but I was somehow losing my nerve. "I've got to get to class," I lied. "I need to talk to my English teacher."

I was very frustrated with myself for lying to Edward, and even more so for scrambling out of his car. This wasn't right. I shouldn't be doing this, and yet I couldn't help it. I was letting myself be a slave to my old patterns.

Angela joined me a few minutes later in my English class. She smiled at me and took the desk to my left.

"You're here! I thought you weren't going to be here today," she said as she dropped her book bag on the floor.

"You did?" I asked.

"Yeah. Your truck wasn't in the parking lot."

"Oh that's right. Edward drove me here today."

Both Angela's eyes and smile grew wider. "Seriously?"

Angela looked more excited than I felt. "Yeah. I didn't know he was going to."

"So he just… showed up?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Pretty much."

I could tell by the way her smile faltered that she could sense something was wrong. "Everything okay?"

I didn't want Edward to know I was having second thoughts. I had told him I wanted to be with him tonight, and it felt wrong to take that back now. I knew that if I let Angela think I was afraid about that night that Edward would be able to hear it in her thoughts.

"Oh, yeah," I assured her, brightening up my voice. "I just hadn't expected Edward to be there. I guess I didn't know how to react to it right away."

Angela grinned. "Aw, Bella! You'll have to let me know what happened after tonight. What is it anyway? Is it a date or what?"

I shrugged my shoulders and made myself smile. "I'm not sure. I think Edward might be considering it to be one."

My nerves simmered on low through the whole school day. At lunch, I sat with Edward again, but our plans were not brought up, which helped only marginally. I made it through the rest of the day okay, and the car ride back to my house went smoothly enough. I couldn't tell if Edward knew I was on the verge of losing my grip.

He told me he would pick me up around eight. That gave me four hours to try to calm myself down. I might be able to do it.

I quickly found that sitting around wasn't helping me at all, so I started off doing homework to keep myself occupied. Having gotten a good chunk of it done, I moved on to put some premade barbeque chicken in the oven for Charlie. He got home around six-thirty and asked if I had any plans for that night. I told him that I did, but I was very vague on the details. I had a feeling that it wouldn't calm me down any more to explain to my dad that I had some sort of semi-date in just over an hour.

It was during the last hour before I expected Edward that I lost my grasp on all rational thought. My calming exercises had let my mind wander free and think up all the little ways the night could go wrong. I envisioned falling silent and Edward thinking something was wrong with me. I was saying something that offended him. I was tripping over my feet. I was being too reserved.

My hands started shaking and my throat went dry. The shaking then spread to my knees and then my whole arms were shaking. My imagination then incorporated these into what could go wrong. I was knocking something over with my shaking hands. Edward could see me shaking and was disapproving of my overreactions. He thought I was neurotic, unstable, broken. He was deciding I wasn't worth the effort.

I suddenly felt like it wasn't possible for the night to go well. If I was acting like this and letting myself get worked up, it would be impossible for me to enjoy the night, and therefore things would be rocky by default. I was ruining my chances.

My heart was beating loudly, feeling like it was trying to jump out of my body through my throat. Suddenly, my hands were feeling numb. Weird, my hands had never gone numb before.

Edward would be here, soon. He would see me freaking out. I didn't want him to see that. I should call him and cancel. Why hadn't I asked for his number? If I told him I was sick when he arrived, would he believe me? Would he hate me for it?

I stood up, deciding to try splashing water on my face. When I tried to walk, I almost fell over. My feet felt unstable and the room seemed to spin around me. He would be here in five minutes. Oh crap. Oh crap.

_I can't do this_.

My breathing skyrocketed and I let myself fall back onto my bed, feeling like I was falling apart. I wanted to escape this. I needed to get away and put this behind me. I had tried. I had given it an honest shot. It clearly wasn't working. Game over.

--

Ooooh, a cliffhanger!! Hahaha, I'm sorry, I had to do it! I hadn't planned to make this a cliffhanger but had to try it out. Though you may not feel like it right now, they really make things so much better! Also, it just seemed like the right place to stop for now.

Click the pretty Go! button. I'll love you guys forever!

Melissa


	15. Trying to Calm

A/N: See, I'm not horribly cruel. I didn't make you guys wait too long for a new post after that cliffy! I had had some bits of raw conversation already mapped out so I knew I would probably be getting this up today. I wasn't planning on making you guys squirm for too too long! I sincerely hope you guys like this chapter! You ready to see what happens when Edward arrives? Well… check it out for yourself!

Thank you SO much for all the reviews! I've been seeing some new names pop up, which has been amazing! If I had time I'd write some responses but I'm about to head out and I just want to make sure you guys get this today!

I WISH I owned Twilight… particularly Edward… but I don't. Sigh.

--

BPOV

_I can't do this_.

My breathing skyrocketed and I let myself fall back onto my bed, feeling like I was falling apart. I wanted to escape this. I needed to get away and put this behind me. I had tried. I had given it an honest shot. It clearly wasn't working. Game over.

I jumped when I heard my window fly open. Suddenly, Edward was standing in the middle of my room. His eyes were wide with an eager concern and they jumped to me, huddled on my bed. "Bella! What's wrong?" His voice was thick with worry.

I didn't have enough wits about me to think up a lie. "I don't know if I can do this!" My words came out in an uncontrolled frenzy.

"Hey, it's okay," Edward said urgently. His face softened and he took a couple slow, deliberate steps closer towards me.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry!"

"Bella—"

"I'm sorry, I'm going to ruin this!" Tears were clouding my vision and I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. I was humiliated, both for the fact that I knew I was being irrational but couldn't help it anyway and because Edward was seeing me during what had to be the worst panic attack I'd ever had.

"Bella, no you're not. Breathe!"

"What do you _think_ I'm doing?!" I demanded.

"Breathe _slowly_." Edward was right at the edge of my bed, trying to coach me down from my panic.

"I'm sorry! I knew this would happen!" My head was spinning. I felt a cold hand wrap around mine. The effect was soothing against my burning skin and brought me back down to earth.

"It's really okay," he said, trying to look me straight in the eye. I wasn't making it easy for him. I couldn't bear to let him see into me in this state.

A tear escaped down my cheek, but I brushed it away before it got far. "It really isn't," I argued, my voice cracking halfway through. "You probably think I'm crazy. I can't even see you outside of school without freaking out!"

"_That's_ crazy. I don't think that at all."

I laughed out a shaky, skeptical laugh. It might have sounded more like a sob in my current state.

"I don't," he insisted. He sat on the edge of my bed, now holding my hand in both of his. He was rubbing small circles in the back of my hand with his thumb. "I think this is a big step for you and that must make it very difficult for you."

I didn't have a solid reason to believe him, and yet I did. He was saying all the right things. I finally met his gaze and wiped away any remaining moisture from around my eyes.

"You're just making me feel worse by being so perfect about this! You shouldn't have to deal with this."

"That's just silly. Why wouldn't I want to?"

"Because anyone else would be easier to be with. They would be normal."

Edward laughed. "You're talking to a vampire here. Neither of those words could ever apply to me."

He just wasn't getting it. "Edward—"

I lost my train of thought as Edward dropped my hand and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. His body was hard and cold—it felt like a marble statue had engulfed me. My body went stiff and I couldn't stop shaking in his arms. I very badly wanted to. I could pretend he didn't notice me shaking when he was just sitting next to me, but when he was holding me against his body I became even more painfully aware of how violently I was shaking.

I couldn't relax in his arms right away, but Edward just held onto me and started humming a soothing melody in my ear. He combed his fingers through my hair while I tried to bring my breathing down to something more normal. I started to relax in his arms little by little. My shaking eased up and it no longer felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. The whole time, Edward kept up his humming and held me securely against him, but it felt more like he was holding me together.

We could have sat there for five minutes or twenty. I wasn't sure. When I felt like I nearly had full control over myself again I let out a long, steady sigh. "I really wish you hadn't seen that," I said softly.

Edward stopped humming. "I would have been surprised if I never did."

"It doesn't matter, though. I don't like people to see me when I'm freaking out. It sucks because it's been at least seven months since I've had a panic attack." It had felt like I was doing so well, and yet Edward had brought out the worst one I had ever experienced, but he had also helped me return to a calmer state faster than I ever had before.

"I guess I ruined that record, didn't I?" Edward's voice was light with humor. I felt his arms tighten around me just a little.

"I guess so."

"I'm sorry it happened, though."

I smiled ruefully to myself. "It's okay. You're right, it probably would have happened eventually."

We fell into silence, but this time it was much more relaxed. I was almost comfortable sitting there with him, even though I had never sat with my body pressed up against another guy's before, much less one that felt like a stone.

"How did you know something was wrong?" I asked suddenly. I remembered the way he had burst into my room. He had somehow known that something was going on.

"I heard you."

"And you could tell I was panicking?" I hadn't even been saying anything. How had he been able to tell?

"I could heard it in the way you were breathing… even in your heartbeat."

I hadn't known his hearing was quite that strong. I was awed.

"We don't have to do anything now if you don't want to. We can stay here—or I'll leave if you prefer."

I hesitated. I'd almost forgotten that this was supposed to be some sort of date, but now I remembered. My breathing caught in my throat. I was fully aware that a small part of me wanted Edward to leave. I might have been more comfortable at that point, but I was still scared. Every moment of this was unchartered territory for me, and I wasn't sure I knew how to handle that. I craved to feel calm and safe. I needed that security.

Edward's arms around me loosened. It was as though he could feel my uncertainty in the silence.

"No, don't leave," I blurted out. It was such an automatic response that I surprised even myself. Still, I knew deep down that I wanted him to stay.

I was very aware of some boundary I had just crossed. It was as though by asking him to stay I had completely morphed the situation. I had told him to stay, and it was immensely significant that I both wanted _and told_ him to stay.

I felt Edward's hands brush against my bare arms as his hands returned to their original location. I raised my own up, holding his arms against me. It felt nice. I realized that I _did_ feel safe—incredibly so, but in a way I had never experienced before. My hands were still quivering slightly, but I knew that anything could have happened outside of my room and I would be fine. As long as Edward was there, I could handle it.

Suddenly, I felt Edwards arms tug out from under mine, and next thing I knew he was gone. I looked around my room, confused. What had just happened?

"Charlie's coming." I heard Edward's whisper come from out my window. Oh yeah, I had forgotten that he thought I was supposed to be meeting up with someone, and I doubted he would be thrilled with the idea of someone coming in through my window.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie's voice call out as he ascended the staircase. I grabbed a random book off my floor and lied down on my bed. I opened it up and hoped it would look like I had been reading this whole time.

"Yeah?" I asked, just as my bedroom door opened.

"You still going out tonight? I thought you were going to be out of here twenty minutes ago."

"Yeah… there was a change of plans." At least Charlie hadn't seen me freak out. I doubted he would have known how to handle it.

"Really?" he asked, frowning a little. "So you're staying home, then?"

"I think so. I'm kind of tired."

"You're not feeling sick, are you?"

"No," I assured him. "I just think I'd rather stay home, now."

"Alright, then. I'll be downstairs if you need me."

I stayed frozen in place, waiting to drop my book until the moment my door shut. When I leaned across my bed to set by book on my nightstand, Edward was suddenly right in front of me.

"You didn't tell him you were going to be with me tonight," he stated. It wasn't a question.

"How did you…? Oh." I had almost forgotten that he could hear thoughts.

Edward tapped his temple, confirming what I had guessed. "He was assuming you were going to be with Angela tonight." He didn't look upset, but I felt a little guilty regardless.

"I thought telling him would make me more nervous," I explained.

"I understand," Edward said, sitting next to me on my bed once again. His hand automatically reached for mine, but I was the one that laced our fingers together. He smiled and rested our joined hands on his thigh.

I could handle this. Compared to having a panic attack right in front of Edward and a fifteen-minute long embrace, this was easy.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

I looked over at Edward, surprised. "What for?" What had he possibly done wrong?

"I knew you liked me. I heard it in Angela's thoughts, but I guess I got carried away. I should have been more sure that you were ready."

That was just insane. "You couldn't have known. I had been willing to do whatever I needed to keep you from finding out how nervous I was. It's what I do."

"It doesn't matter." Edward was running one of his fingers lightly along my forearm. A small trail of goose bumps chased its path. "I've studied psychology before. I majored in it once, and yet I don't think I fully appreciated just _how_ hard this is for you."

I shook my head. "I don't expect you to know that sort of thing," I objected. I couldn't expect someone to know something I wasn't telling them. It just wasn't right.

"I'd rather I did know." Edward's eyes flickered up to meet mine.

"Okay," I said, only able to hold his gaze for a couple moments before the intensity was too much for me. "For now, you just need to know that I might be a while before I'm really comfortable. I'm warning you now that I might be slow. I can't say for sure."

Edward smiled and raised my hand up, slowly and deliberately. He pressed his lips against the skin directly above my knuckles. His lips were so light on my hand that I barely felt the cold from his marble skin. I got the feeling that he was testing himself just as much as he was testing me. "The glorious thing about being immortal is that you learn to be patient."

Having noticed Edward's own careful movements, I realized that this was probably hard for him, too. I knew that some part of him wanted to kill me, an idea that sent a small shiver down my spine, but that he was doing everything he could to resist. He would want to progress slowly, too, if only to keep me alive. Maybe this pairing was all too perfect. We both were stepping past friendship with intense caution, only for entirely different reasons.

"I want to try this again," I told Edward. He smiled a crooked grin down at me. I was pretty sure I could feel something inside me melt.

"Bella Swan, are you asking me out?"

I blushed but didn't look away. "I guess I am."

--

A/N: Ta da! This chapter has been a long time coming, I think. I've known for a while that I wanted to show Bella having a full-fledged panic attack, so I'm glad I found a good place to fit it in. I hope you guys think it brought out some awesome Edwardness!

Please let me know what you think! I'm not ashamed to beg, haha! Press Mr. Go! button down there and you will completely make my day!


	16. Oct 17: a note and info

A/N:

Hey guys! Sorry, I bet you were hoping I had another chapter up, but I don't right now :-(

I really wanted to get one up, but I've got another bunch of tests running from today (my test actually starts in 30 minutes…haha…) and going through… I think it's Wednesday? Anyway, I've got three of them. I haven't had much of a chance to spend my time out of classes, dance, and friends writing these past few days because I've been studying. After this test today I might get the chance to finish up my next chapter before my Monday test, but no promises :-/

It doesn't help that I've got minor writer's block. I've got a general outline for where I want to go, but I've got a little gap in my plans and I'm having a little trouble filling it with something worth reading. I'll keep working on it, though, don't you worry!

For my last author's-note-rather-than-a-chapter post I know I told you guys more about what SAD is like. I figured I'd put something here, but of course it's nothing as detailed as last time. I was going to say this earlier but I guess this is a good time to go into it. Just an interesting little fact….

Just so you know (in case you decide to start referring to social anxiety disorder as 'SAD' or you start making assumptions whenever you see those letters), you might want to be a little careful. The thing is that there is another psychological disorder with those initials, seasonal affective disorder. This disorder more common than social anxiety disorder/social phobia, so if you see 'SAD' written somewhere it is more likely to stand for seasonal affective disorder. It is basically depression, only it typically only lasts through the winter months, when we are exposed to less sunlight. Lack of light from the sun is pretty much literally the cause, from my understanding. In fact, treatment involves being around this special sort of lamp that emits a specific kind of light that we get less of during the winter and that is linked to the disorder.


	17. Second Tries

Okay, so I owe you guys at least some sort of an explanation for my lack of entries. There are a few reasons for this. One is that I bit off more than I could chew last semester. I'd never been on a dance team, and the one I chose took way more time than I'd expected. On top of that my lab instructor was trying to sell the idea of me writing a senior thesis to me. Then, I also had run out of some ideas for my story, as most of my ideas led up to that point last chapter when Edward and Bella pretty much became an official couple and Bella had her panic attack. Then there was a somewhat personal event in my life that added some stress that made making me write this a little harder.  
Yet another reason… well, I read an interview transcript somewhere, with Stephenie Meyer as the interviewee. They were talking about the fanfics being written about her book and Stephenie said something along the lines that she felt bad for the people who wrote them because they're writing something they can never take credit for, and that in the end it can't amount to much more than some story that maybe only a hundred people ever read.  
It pretty much inspired me to start my own novel, to tell the truth. Actually, I've been planning two different ones, one of which has some similarities with this fanfic since it hits kind of close to home (I think I'm 20,000 words into it) and one being something entirely different (2,000 words and counting). I guess I just got this sudden overwhelming desire to write something real of my own creation that might reach more people. I would love nothing more than to inspire a reader or take them away from the real world for a few hours.  
The bottom line is, I'm going to try to write more for this fic, because I did like where it was going. I just need some ideas, haha. Also, I can't guarantee that there won't be any more dry spells. I'd like to think that there won't be any, but I don't know that.

I wish I owned Twilight—particularly Edward—but, alas, I do not.

--

EPOV

I stayed at Bella's house until 11:00. I made sure to keep my distance from her for the most part, both for her sake and my own, with a few slip-ups. I knew Bella could easily get overwhelmed, and I knew that I wasn't ready to be able to handle much contact with her, but it was unbelievably difficult not to reach my hand out and stroke her skin. It wasn't as smooth as mine was, but it was soft and warm.

It felt like fate was playing a cruel joke on us. Of course fate paired me with someone I couldn't physically be with. It was such an unusual combination that there had to be some force behind it. Why else would the two of us have to move forward exceedingly cautiously? It was cruel that we should make a couple, and yet it made so much sense.

It just made me want Bella even more.

Why must we desire that which we cannot have? Who made that law up? As much as it pained me, I was glad for it, because the pain was of such a joyous variety that I would take it over the alternative any day.

_I'm losing my mind, that made no sense at all. _I really was, and Bella was responsible for it.

I returned home once Bella decided that she wanted to go to bed. I would be back later, I already knew, but I hoped to give her a little privacy and time to herself before I returned. Besides, I knew I owed it to my family to see them. They were still a huge part of my life, and I couldn't forget that.

_He's… happy. I'm not used to him being like this._ I could hear Jasper's confused thoughts coming from the area in front of the television. He knew why I was cheery, but he could not understand why I found such happiness in Bella. He was still very wary of her.

_Fool. He's such a fool. I can't believe he told her._ Rosalie was still unbelievably bitter and not willing to let go of the fact that I had let it slip to Bella that we were vampires. She had taken to making huffing noises every time I entered a room, and she did not disappoint this time. Right on cue, the moment I walked through the front door she let out a short breath of air, dripping with disapproval.

Alice, on the other hand, who was playing herself in a game of chess, was trying to keep herself from bombarding me with questions. Curiosity tinted every thought running through her head. _I wonder if she's calm again._

"You knew?" I asked Alice.

"Not right away," she said. _Not until she started considering telling her dad she was sick._

Wow, Bella really had wanted to back out. My elated mood came down a little as I remembered just how upset she had been. I should have been surprised that she had almost canceled, but it bothered me more than anything else. How could I make this work?

_How are you supposed to date her if she panics each time you plan something?_

"That's exactly what I was just wondering," I said, taking a seat across from Alice. "It's harder for her than I thought."

_Harder for _you_ than you thought._

"Well, yeah. That's a given." If I could only hear Bella's thoughts it would be so much easier for me to figure out what was right for her. I would know when to slow down and when it would be okay to make a move.

I picked up one of the pawns Alice had already taken off the board and passed it between my fingers. I was used to having the ability to hear thoughts, and without that I didn't know how I could possibly progress with Bella. I felt about as weak as the pawn.

_Maybe you shouldn't plan_.

My eyes flickered back up to Alice, not sure what she was getting at.

_Don't tell her ahead of time, just show up. If the anticipation is too much for her then leave that part out for now._

I was definitely interested, now. Would it work? I wouldn't be able to just appear in her bedroom like I had tonight. I would need to at least give Bella the opportunity to turn me down without feeling guilty. She should have that option.

I could see Esme come down the stairs from the corner of my eye. From the sound of things she had been with Carlisle in his office. She smiled at me and made her way over to where Alice and I were sitting around the chess board.

"How was your evening with Bella?" she asked. I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"Unexpected," I said, setting the pawn back down on the table. "I should have seen it coming, though—Bella was having a panic attack when I got there."

Emmett was highly amused by this. _If she's afraid to date you, you must be _really_ bad with romance._

"Funny," I said, dryly.

"It'll just take time, dear. She's a smart girl, she'll figure out in time she doesn't have to be afraid of you… after all, she was smart enough to see what a catch you are."

I laughed and shook my head. I need not narrate the sorts of teasing thoughts that went through Emmett's head at this point.

"I think you're biased," I said.

"That doesn't mean I'm not right." She smiled and set her hand on my shoulder. It was an affectionate gesture.

I may have been mildly embarrassed my Esme's confidence in me, but it gave me a little more confidence of my own. I would figure out how to move forward from here, and I had the advantage of seeing the outcomes in Alice's visions.

BPOV

"So I take it you guys didn't kiss," Angela said. It was Saturday, and Angela had invited me over to her house for dinner. It was nice having edible food without having to cook it, myself.

"No. We mainly talked," I said. I was sitting in her desk chair and spinning around slowly, examining her room. I liked it. It fit her personality, and it fit our age. My room largely looked like it had when I used to visit Charlie for a couple weeks in the summer, back when I was much younger. "He was really sweet about it, actually. I think he was trying really hard not to overstep any boundaries."

"It's kind of weird that you had that sort of reaction, though," she said, flipping through her yearbook from the previous school year. "I mean, it's a strong reaction to have. Has that ever happened before?"

I slowed my spinning. I figured we were getting to be pretty good friends and that I could trust her with the truth. "Yeah, um… I used to have social anxiety disorder."

Angela looked up from the yearbook and frowned a little. I could tell from her expression that she didn't really know what that meant. I explained it to her, telling her what I used to be like as well.

"You know, I wouldn't have known," Angela finally said.

"Really?"

"Really. It does explain things a little better, though."

"Like what?"

"Well, I can tell that when you're with people you seem fine, but sometimes I get the feeling that you avoid being social."

"Yeah," I agreed, rolling my eyes at myself. "I definitely do that sometimes."

"Sometimes I do that, too, though," Angela said, her eyes falling back on her yearbook. "Wow, I forgot how bad my picture was last year."

"Can I see?" I asked, getting up from the chair and joining her on her bed. She turned the book a little so I could get a better look at it. "Oh come on, you look fine."

"I hate my smile there," she said. She turned the page. "Edward's picture is perfect, of course."

He looked exactly like he did the last time I had seen him. It wasn't just his absurd beauty that made him stand out on the page. To me, it felt blatantly obvious that he looked older than the other sophomores on the page. Maybe he only did because I now knew that he was immortal. Maybe Angela couldn't really tell because she had no idea he was permanently frozen in time. It was the same with his sister, next to him. She looked too old to be a sophomore

"Let's not depress ourselves by reminding ourselves that our yearbook photos will never look like fashion headshots," Angela said, sighing as she shut the book. "I wish I had a boyfriend that looked like Edward."

"Oh, I don't… well, I'm not sure what we are." We hadn't actually dated yet. How could we be a couple?

"You're more than friends, though."

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

I was upstairs, writing an email to my mom when the doorbell rang on Sunday evening. I heard my dad open the door and say something to whoever was there, followed by a pause.

"Bella?" he called up to me a few moments later.

"Yeah, dad?"

"You've got a guest."

I clicked the Send button and came downstairs to see who was there. I was surprised anyone had shown up because I wasn't expecting anyone. I tried to remember if I'd left anything at Angela's house that she might have stopped by to return to me as I came down the final steps and walked into the living room.

It wasn't Angela at the door.

It was Edward, looking like some sort of Greek god, as always. My heart skipped a beat and I'm sure he heard it. He acted like he hadn't noticed and instead smiled a crooked grin at me.

"Edward?" I asked, my voice thick. I felt like I'd lost my voice.

"Bella," he responded, his eyes, smolderingly golden, set on mine. "How would you like to spend to come out with me for a while?"

An evening with Edward? It would easily be a hundred times better than whatever I might have done otherwise.

I glanced over at Charlie. "How's your homework coming?" he asked.

"It's done." I'd finished it Saturday afternoon.

"Then go ahead, Bells. But remember, it's a school night," he said, directing the last part mainly to Edward. His voice was stern. "Get her back here by ten."

"Yes, sir," Edward said. "I'll take good care of her."

My dad grunted in acknowledgement. "Well then," he said, losing the authority edge. He sounded more like a father who had no idea how to deal with a daughter going on a date. "Have a good time."

"Bye, dad."

Edward walked me to his Volvo and opened my door for me. I climbed in and waited the half of a second that it took for him to take a seat in the driver's seat.

"What was that about?" I asked

"I can't read your mind, Bella," he said, smiling. "What was what about?"

"Just showing up?"

Edward started his car. It was amazing how much quieter it was than my truck. I was used to its loud rumbles. "I figured you wouldn't get as nervous if you didn't have the time to anticipate."

"Then why not just come through my window again?"

"I wanted to give you the chance to say no," he explained. "Also, I wouldn't have risked this if I hadn't known that Charlie would know I was with you."

That seemed odd. Honestly, I would have preferred that my father not know I was spending time with boys. It just led to awkward father-daughter conversations. "Why did he have to know?"

Edward was silent as he pulled the car out of the driveway. He was considering how to answer. "I wanted to have a reminder that there will be consequences if I don't return you home." He gave me a significant look.

It was to make sure he wouldn't kill me. I swallowed.

"Did I frighten you?" he asked.

"Not really."

Edward smirked.

It wasn't that I was afraid of Edward, exactly. I trusted him. I couldn't see how Edward could hurt me. I knew he wouldn't. That didn't make discussing my death a comfortable conversation topic.

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking outside as the dark images flew by. I didn't do this for long. He was going much too fast for me to look out the side window without either feeling sick or getting scared. The speedometer read 90. "Edward, please!"

He sighed and let off on the gas pedal until we were going 80 miles an hour. This time I sighed, and so he let the car drift to 65. "I'm almost going the speed limit," he said, complaining.

"If my dad pulled you over right now you'd still get a massive ticket."

"I'm a safer driver at a hundred miles an hour than he is when he's going twenty," he said. He was probably right.

I was starting to realize that I didn't know where we were. The area was vaguely familiar, but I had never driven here before, myself.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see when we get there. Have you already eaten?"

"Yeah."

"Then we'll be there shortly."

--

That's the end of this chapter! Don't worry, I will get another chapter up soon. I say that because, for one, I am on break for a few days longer, and I'm finding that there is not as much for me to do when I come back to my hometown as there used to be. Also, I've got some direction for where I want to take this story for a while, and that helps. Of course, reviews inspire me to get writing, so those always help, haha. It's much easier to get excited about writing when I know that people are enjoying the story. So review!


	18. Nighttime Risks

Hey guys! I actually am glad to be back. I'm glad to have a reason to write out the rest of the story. Some of your guys' reviews really got me going.

A couple messages:

ol2bob- Well I'm glad you liked it! I kind of like that both of them have reasons to progress slowly, haha. Anticipation is so much fun to write! And yeah, I know what you mean. I've read some fics that aren't anything like Twilight (or whatever book/movie it's based off). I do hope, though, that some day I might write something that inspires people to write fanfics, haha. That would be the coolest thing ever!

Penguinopus- You are definitely right. I have written a few fics before, when I was younger, and they were absolutely HORRIBLE but I do know that writing them helped my style. I do hope that writing this will get my writing muscles going so I can write a legitimate novel that doesn't come off as work from an amateur. I've read some really good ones, and I hope mine qualifies, but I probably don't edit these enough for them to be high-quality. These are probably more like rough drafts, haha.

--

BPOV

If Edward were a human, I would have been sure he had taken a wrong turn. But he was a vampire. I had already accepted that Edward didn't accidentally mess up—he was just too perfect for that.

So why were we approaching a dead end? In the headlights I could just barely make out that the road halted about 50 yards ahead of us. This had to be intentional, but it made no sense. Then, confirming my suspicions, the car crawled to a stop and Edward pulled his key out of the ignition.

"Where are we?" I asked, gazing out the window and trying to make sense out of our stop. Edward appeared in front of my door and opened it for me. I climbed out, wary of having a clumsy moment because I could barely see the ground now that the headlights were gone.

"Well, we're not in Forks," he said. "I wanted to show you something."

My eyes were starting to adjust and I made out a small wooden sign, indicating a trail. I could not yet make out the clearing in the forest to see the path for myself.

"Are we hiking?" I asked, my voice shriller than I'd intended. "At night?" This was not good. Not at all. I didn't like the idea of not seeing where I put my feet.

"I am, you're not." Before I got the chance to figure out what he meant by this, he took my arm and swung me onto his back. "If you can't hike during the day what makes you think I'll let you hike when it's dark?"

It was a very good point, although I did not admit it out loud. Besides, I was once again overly aware of our proximity. His scent overwhelmed me. I couldn't resist the urge to press my head against the back of his neck. The effect was dizzying.

"It's hard enough looking out for you when you can see, at any rate," Edward said, having a little more fun at my expense.

"Ha ha." I said, dryly.

Edward walked us over to the edge of the forest, but not to the trail. "If you don't like my driving, you may want to close your eyes for this."

"Why?" I asked, suddenly alarmed.

"You'll see." I could hear a smile in his voice.

Edward took off before I'd managed to shut my eyes, and I immediately knew why I should have obeyed right away. He darted through the forest, dodging trees and branches narrowly at blinding speeds. My eyes couldn't focus on anything as it whizzed by, but what really scared me was that I could never see just how narrowly he missed ramming into a tree.

I squeezed my eyes shut and strengthened my grip around Edward's neck. I could still feel the wind blasting against us, but I couldn't tell we were moving. We might have been sitting in front of a particularly powerful fan for all I knew.

A few minutes later, the wind slowed. I could no longer feel anything other than Edward: his hands holding my legs in place around his waist, his back pressed up against my stomach. My head was reeling, but not because of the sprint.

"Are we there?" I asked, my eyes still shut.

"Yes. Do you need help down?"

"Um…" I unlocked my legs, finding it much more difficult than I had expected it to be. I must have had a really strong hold on Edward. "I think I've got it."

Edward eased me down from his back anyway, sensing my trouble. Once my feet hit the ground I looked around me, trying to figure out where we were. We were still in the forest. "Is this it?"

"No, it's just beyond those trees." Edward took my hand and carefully guided me ten yards further. He was my eyes, helping me pick the safest path.

We came to the edge of a small clearing that took my breath away. Moonlight filtered through, casting a gentle silver glow on the field. It leeched the colors from the wildflowers dotting the grass, but did not detract from their beauty. I could hear the trickling of a stream somewhere just out of sight.

"It's beautiful," I breathed.

Edward rested his hand on my back, encouraging me forward. I wandered out into the center of the clearing. "I come here sometimes when I need to think," he said, "particularly if I want to stop hearing people's thoughts. It's ironic that I come here with the one person whose thoughts I most desperately wish to hear."

"I'm glad you can't," I said. If he could hear the nonsense and the obsessing that went through my head, I would never be able to get over the embarrassment.

Edward joined me in the center of the field and lifted his hand to my face. The tips of his fingers slid from my temple to my chin, never taking his eyes away from mine. It kept me locked in place. My heart accelerated.

"Are you afraid?" he asked, his hand dropping as he noticed the change in my heartbeat. I couldn't tell if his voice was hopeful or defeated.

I shook my head, an automatic response, but his wistful smile told me that he saw through my lie.

"I can take you back."

"I told you I'm not afraid of you. Not like that."

"Regardless, it wasn't the wisest move on my part."

"What if I don't care?" I objected.

Edward was silent, perhaps listening to my heart. "You want to stay?"

I nodded, and his responding smile chased away every thought in my mind. Even in the faint moonlight, his smile took my breath away.

I hadn't been sure, at first, what it would be like to date Edward. In my mind, dates at least partially involved food. That's how it usually was in the movies and in many of the books I'd read. That was clearly not going to work with Edward, and I had been uncomfortable with the idea of Edward taking me to a restaurant and paying for my meal so he could watch me eat. I hadn't been sure what we would do if dining wasn't an option.

I was relieved to find that, even without going to a restaurant, there were no awkward pauses with Edward. We may have had fewer activities to choose from on a date, but it was much easier than I'd expected.

EPOV

In our first moment of true silence, Bella was laying on her back in the grass, looking up at the stars. She'd said she liked how she could see so many more stars now that we were away from road lights and light from houses and store signs. She was calm, so much more so than I could have hoped for. It both scared me and made me hopeful. On one hand, it meant that it might actually be possible for us to keep going down our current path, seeing each other and getting to know one another better… but I still fought with myself over whether it was in her best interest.

I was laying next to Bella, trying to keep a carefully measured distance from her. I liked the warmth radiating off her body, and I still longed to reach out and touch her, but I still had to keep in mind that I still wasn't sure of the level of control I had over my thirst for her blood, and I didn't want to make her anxious. It was one thing holding Bella when she was falling apart and needed help, but I had no reason to hold her that I could defend, now. How I wish I did.

Rather than holding her hand, I shifted so the sides of our arms grazed. Bella, feeling my arm by her, turned to face me, a faint smile on her lips. Her pupils nearly spanned the entire area of her irises. I had no doubt that she could barely see me.

"It was a bad idea for me to take you here at night," I said.

"Why?" Bella asked. "Is this because I couldn't hike?"

"No, because the dark makes you even more defenseless." It was very foolish of me. I had wanted to share my meadow with Bella—to share another side of _me _with her. I thought the night setting would lend to making the meadow peaceful and would have a calming effect on Bella. I now saw the mistake in this plan. "I'm asking you to trust me more than I had a right to by bringing you here. If I were to lose control—"

"You won't." Bella sounded more sure of myself than I was.

"You have much too much faith in me," I said, sitting up at looking down at her. Her eyes had trouble finding the precise location of my eyes. I was asking her quite literally to trust me, a vampire, blindly, and she rose to the occasion. She wouldn't even see anything coming. The thought made my throat flair. "I suppose it's easy for a human to want to trust a vampire, though. That's what makes this so dangerous. I draw you in."

"And I don't even resist," Bella agreed.

I had to smile here. "You do more than any other human I've known. Compared to anyone else you are far more difficult." Most humans may be instinctively afraid of me, but I knew that if I were to flirt with them, whether romantically or to lure them in, they wouldn't hesitate the slightest. Bella wasn't like that. She was more careful. I wouldn't have to plan how to proceed with anyone but her.

I could see a faint pink glow light up Bella's face and her eyes wandered away from my face. "That's a great reputation to have," she muttered. Could she possibly be embarrassed?

"You holding back could be the very thing that makes it possible for me to control myself," I said. "And I can only be grateful that you have _something_ that's in favor of keeping you safe."

Bella was silent. It drove me crazy, because it was blatantly obvious that she was thinking about what I had said.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, or maybe it would be more accurate to say 'begged.'

"I…" she fell silent again. She was editing her thoughts. Frustrating! "I had never really considered that having social phobia could keep me safe."

"Something is in your favor, at least," I said.

"It isn't, though," she said, pushing herself up into a sitting position in front of me. "I'd rather live a little more dangerously if it meant I could date… _live._"

What was she saying? She wanted to throw herself at a vampire? Push him over the edge only to have him drink her dry? That wasn't just dangerous, that was insane, but it inspired more desire in me—that she welcomed the risk, wanted it. A selfish, unforgivable hope raged inside me, and I needed to debunk it. I was starting to think it would be okay to move forward physically, to kiss her.

It was with excruciating caution that I leaned forward. With each inch, the fire in my throat burned twice as strong, but I persisted, resting a hand along the side of her face. I could see the blood pooling under her cheeks, and it didn't help me tame the monster inside me. I stopped breathing when our lips were a mere two inches apart, and halted.

I had definitely proven myself right, it would be too dangerous to proceed, and I knew I should back away… but I wanted to kiss her far more than I should, perhaps enough so that I could not back away. "Are you willing to 'live' if the consequence is death?"

Bella's eyes were wide with an unidentifiable emotion. It wasn't quite fear, nor was it excitement or longing, but it may have been some mixture of the three. "You wouldn't kill me." Her voice came as a raspy whisper.

"Do you trust me?" I asked. The memory of her scent buzzed loudly in my head. I could feel venom leak into my mouth. I moved closer, and now a mere centimeter separated the two of us.

"Yes."

Bella was breathing heavily, waves of her scent hitting my face. If I were still breathing, she would already be dead.

When our lips just barely touched, the vampire in me started winning over the civilized side of me. I was no longer sure that I had control, and I didn't know what would happen if our mouths joined fully. We lingered there, but I could not find the will to pull back

And then Bella turned her head away.

"Oh my god," she whispered. She brought her hands up to her face and broke away from my hand. "I'm sorry…"

I blinked a couple times, and my head cleared. The monster retreated.

"I don't know why I did that," she went on.

I was relieved she had. I wanted to say that I would have been fine if I had kissed her, but I couldn't be sure. I might have killed her. I couldn't figure it out.

"I'm so sorry," she repeated.

"You did the right thing," I finally said.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure how much control I had."

"Ugh," she groaned shutting her eyes for a moment. "This is really embarrassing."

"Bella, it's okay. Honestly, I'm glad you stopped us."

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I knew who it was before I pulled it out. The display read 'Alice.' I couldn't leave her in the dark after the images she had probably seen.

Alice didn't even wait for me to greet her once I opened my phone. "Edward, what happened? I just saw—"

"Bella is fine," I said. I knew what Alice would have seen, because I knew how close Bella could have been to dying.

"Thank god," Alice gasped. "The future was jumping so fast between her death and her living, I wasn't sure what was going on. I didn't know if you'd killed her."

My jaw tightened. Thank god I hadn't. "Everything is fine over here," I reassured her.

"Well good. Edward, I'm serious, don't hurt her. She's going to be my friend, too, you know."

I glanced over at Bella, who was laying in the grass once more, her fingers woven into her hair. I really wished I could hear what was going on in her head. "Don't worry," I said. "I'll fill you in on it later." I hung up the phone and turned back to Bella.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Alice," I said, shoving my phone back into my pocket. "She just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Why would she think I wasn't?" She was looking at me again. I was glad she wasn't avoiding me after the almost-kiss.

"She can see bits of the future sometimes. She sees the results of the decisions we make, but it changes."

"Oh," Bella said and then fell silent for a moment. "What did she see?"

I wasn't sure if Bella should know this. I didn't want to scare her, but then again she never did seem to be afraid for the right reasons. Maybe she should be. Maybe it would keep her safe. "Most likely she saw two visions: one of us kissing and one of you dead."

Bella didn't respond.

"I wish you'd tell me what you are thinking," I said.

"I don't think I can say. I don't know what I'm thinking."

Well that was just confusing. I sighed and stood up, walking over to Bella to offer her a hand up. "We should go. I think we've risked your life enough for one evening."

Bella looked surprised, but she took my hand. I lifted her onto her feet. "There's going to be another?" she asked.

"Well, maybe not an evening, or at least not out in the dark," I clarified, "but if you'd like, then yes."

She still looked surprised, and it drove me insane that I couldn't know why, but it didn't sound like I would get any answers just yet.

The thing that tortured me the most was that I couldn't be sure I wouldn't have killed her if she hadn't backed away.

--

That's it for today! I hope you liked this chapter, because I had a lot of fun writing it. It was harder to write than I thought it'd be, though. Anyway, I'll probably try to get the next chapter up in a couple days. I've abandoned one of my original stories for a while so I'll probably take a day to work on that a little, but, as always, remember that reviews inspire me to change my plans sometimes! So review!


	19. The Aftermath

*Sorry if you got two emails. I had to edit this. Sometimes I let typos go by, but I had a couple that drove me crazy. *

Hey guys. Sorry, I was going to get this chapter up yesterday but I've just not had what it takes to write. An out-of-state friend of mine… like, someone I've talked to nearly every day this past semester… told me that he was going to be dead in a week. He wasn't sure if he would get to talk to me again before he died. It's just… how do you say 'good-bye for good' to someone who's 18 years old? Especially when he sounds so healthy now? What the hell are you supposed to say when he's trying to make YOU feel better about the fact that HE'S dying?

I'm sorry, I really don't want to drag anyone down. I'm really trying not to focus on it. I guess you can see that's not really working? I eventually got writing, anyway, because it was kind of therapeutic.

One thing: I'm skipping having Edward explain certain things about being a vampire to Bella (pretty much whatever he explained to her in the first book). To some extent, I feel like that would be pointless when I'm assuming just about everyone who has read this far has read at least _Twilight_. I may still have him explain a few things, but I'm just going to allude to Bella learning more about what vampires are capable of, the history of his family, etc etc. You'll see what I mean.

I hope you like this chapter.

I don't own Twilight. I may wish I do, but that doesn't change anything.

--

BPOV

"So," Charlie said, scratching his head uncomfortably. "How was your evening with—uh—with Edward?"

It was Monday morning, and I had been hoping I would make it out the door to school before this topic came up. This would have been so much less… awkward if Charlie wasn't so much like me. I wouldn't mind having this talk with my mom, because she wouldn't approach the topic as though it were the last thing she wanted to discuss.

"Good," I answered, staring into my cereal bowl. "We don't have to have this talk."

"I'm your father," he said. "It's part of my job description."

I hadn't finished my breakfast, but I got up anyway and went to the sink. I didn't necessarily try to make this a habit, but sometimes I try to busy myself when something potentially awkward is about to happen. I think it makes me feel less in the spotlight.

"So what did you two do?"

"Mainly talked. He took me to this clearing in the forest."

With my mom, I might have volunteered the information that we almost kissed. I'm sure I would have told her, but with Charlie, less information was always better. It definitely was not a good idea to mention that I'd grazed lips with Edward or that I spent the entire night dreaming about what it would have been like if we actually _had_ kissed.

"He didn't…" Charlie was struggling with his words. "He didn't pressure you at all or anything, did he?"

"Dad!"

"Bells, as your father I've got to ask."

"No. No, he didn't," I said scrubbing my bowl out and setting it in the dish drain.

"Okay, good to hear it."

"Yeah, but listen, I've got to go."

"Isn't it a little early to be heading for school?"

Yes. But I didn't want to stay here and let my father keep interrogating me about my date with Edward. I didn't know what to tell him when I still hadn't figured out what _I_ thought about what had happened.

"I need to have my English teacher read over my essay," I lied. I went up to my room, brushed my teeth, grabbed my backpack, and ran back down the stairs. "Bye, Dad, I'll see you tonight."

Charlie wished me a good day at school as I headed out the door, and I halted in my tracks on the sidewalk. Edward's car was waiting.

Edward climbed out of the car. He must have just gotten here. "Good morning."

"How did you--?" I started to ask. He was a vampire. Did I need any more of an explanation? "Never mind."

Edward explained anyway. "Alice told me you'd be going to school early today."

I frowned. "Didn't you say that her visions are based on what we've decided?"

"I did," he nodded. He walked over to the passenger side and opened the door for me.

"But I just decided that less than four minutes ago," I said as I climbed in the front seat.

"Really, now?" he asked as though I was missing something. "You know how I drive." Edward shut the door. Wow. How fast did he drive when I wasn't in the car?

We didn't talk about our date. I think Edward was trying to be considerate, but it left a bunch of unanswered questions. I was a little surprised, because I would have thought that, after last night, he would decide against pursuing something with me… if not because I had freaked out on him _again_ then because he was trying to be noble. It seemed like the sort of thing he would do—try to stop seeing me because he was unsure of his control. He had avoided me once before because he was trying to do the right thing.

Maybe that was the real reason I'd been surprised to see him parked in front of my house. Maybe part of me assumed that we would have taken a step back.

Instead of bringing up the previous night, I asked Edward questions about himself. I wanted to understand what he was, and Edward patiently answered every question I had. He humored even my most ridiculous questions. Honestly, I was amazed by how willing he was to discuss it. In the past, he had been more reluctant to go into details, but maybe it didn't bother him as much to explain anymore. I barely noticed the parking lot slowly filling with other students as time passed.

"So, then, what happens if you eat something?" I asked.

Edward laughed. "I have to cough up anything I eat later on."

"That's disgusting."

"That's precisely why I eat as little as I can. That and the fact that human food is about as repulsive to me as mud is for you."

I wrinkled my nose. "Do you have to do that often?"

"On rare occasions, but sometimes, yes. It comes with the territory of living with people."

I cringed. "Okay," I said, trying to think up another question.

"You know, it's wholly unfair that you've learned so much about me and I know so little about you." He was doing it again. Edward's warm, butterscotch eyes were bearing into mine and my eyes were locked with his. I couldn't have turned away if I had wanted to.

For a moment I forgot to breathe. "What's there to know?" I asked. "I'm not a mythological creature that you just recently learned actually _does _exist." He already knew what humans were like. I had known absolutely nothing about what Edward was until very recently.

"That's irrelevant."

"Fine, you can ask questions, next." It wasn't going to be nearly as interesting as learning about changing eye colors or what makes him sparkle in the sunlight.

But Edward didn't get the chance to start, because the warning bell rang, and I knew we had to get going if we didn't want to be counted as late.

When I entered my English classroom, Angela was already there. I smiled at her and took the seat next to her. "Hey, how was the rest of your weekend?"

"Well," she said, trying to hold back a wide smile and failing, "I got to talk to Ben some… a lot actually."

By the sound of things, Ben had called her with a question about a trigonometry assignment. Discussing trig lead to discussing school and what they do after school, and suddenly he was inviting her over so they could have a 'casual hang-out' sometime soon. Since it sounded like no one else was going to be there, it seemed likely that this 'casual hang-out' was more significant than Angela or Ben had admitted out loud to each other.

Of course, Angela was excited. Once class started, I kept noticing her attention drift away from the teacher. It wasn't hard to guess about what—or whom, I should say—she was thinking. I was going to have to remember to let her look off the notes I had taken for English later on that day.

Once English got out, Angela and I grabbed our bags and headed to Trigonometry together. "So what about you?" Angela asked. "How was the rest of your weekend?"

I blushed immediately.

"Is that a good or a bad blush?" she asked.

That was a very good question. "I'm not sure."

"Okay, then, what happened?"

I waited until we got to our government classroom and then I explained my previous night to her. I told her how Edward had just shown up at my door so I wouldn't have time to get anxious, how he took me to a clearing in the woods and we talked and looked up at the stars.

"And then… we almost kissed," I said, conveniently leaving out the part about how Edward had been fighting the urge to kill me the whole time.

"Wait, almost?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah." I bit my lip.

"As in, you two didn't actually kiss."

I groaned at myself. "Our lips were literally touching and everything."

"And then what?"

"And then I turned away." Oh, how badly I wish I hadn't.

Understanding lit Angela's eyes. I could tell she knew it had something to do with the fact that I used to have social anxiety disorder.

Considering the fact that I can't even kiss a guy I might have to rethink thinking myself as _recovering_ from SAD. I couldn't help but be frustrated with myself.

"How'd Edward take that?" Angela asked.

"He seemed okay about it."

"And how have you been taking it?"

"I can't stop thinking about it!" I said in a hushed whisper. We both laughed. "Seriously, it's taunting me."

"Because you've been nervous about it?"

"No, because I wanted to kiss him. So badly. I went into the night convinced I would do it, but when he was right there with his hand on the side of my face… it just didn't happen." I touched my hand to my cheek the way he had.

Angela offered me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure you'll get another chance."

I really hoped so.

Trigonometry and Spanish passed by slowly and uneventfully. I was feeling a tad antsy by the time lunch arrived. Edward was waiting for me at the entrance to the cafeteria. He smiled as I fell into step next to him and we entered the cafeteria together.

Edward leaned closer to me and spoke into my ear. "You've been thinking about our almost-kiss."

His breath on my neck sent shivers through my entire body, but his words were what made me stop where I was. "I thought you couldn't hear what I was thinking," I said, my voice low.

"I can't," he said simply, smiling. He looked pleased with himself. "But I can hear every conversation being held within these walls," he reminded me.

My eyes widened, horrified. "You were listening?" I asked. That's so embarrassing! I knew he could hear really well, but I hadn't expected him to pay attention to my conversation.

"I wasn't planning to, at first," he said. He rested his hand on my back and urged me forward so I wouldn't hold up the lunch line. "I was checking up on you."

"Edward, this is school," I protested. "I can make it through a class period without hurting myself."

"Can you? Because I'm not always sure."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I muttered. I inconveniently chose this moment to bump into the person in front of me in line.

"Case and point," he said.

I rolled my eyes. Edward grabbed a tray and started filling it with one of each kind of food. I was going to ask why he was taking so much food for me at first, but then I remembered that he probably needed to look like he was eating, too.

"The point is," he said, "once I heard you talking about us… how was I supposed to stop?"

I would be lying if I said that I would give up a chance to hear what Edward said about me to his family.

"So you're stalking me," I concluded. I wasn't being serious. To tell the truth I was flattered that he was that eager to hear what I thought of our night.

"I wouldn't call _that_ stalking." I got the feeling he wasn't telling me something. His face was oddly smug. "Are you angry?" He handed the cashier a couple of bills and we headed to the table that was quickly becoming _our_ table.

"No, not really," I said.

Edward laughed as he set the tray on the table. I sat down and he took the seat next to me, then he scooting his chair closer to mine. I looked over only to realize that his face was once again inches away from mine. He was looking at me intently, and I was pretty sure my brain melted into mush. I was reminded of how badly I had wanted to kiss him last night. What would it have been like if our 'almost-kiss' had actually happened?

"It's all I can think about, too," he said, and then backed away.

--

I'll try to get another post up soon. I'm heading back to school soon, so I might be a little busy until tomorrow evening. I'm not sure. I'll do what I can to post within the next few days.


	20. Waking Calls

Sorry I haven't gotten this up as soon as I wanted. Things still aren't going well with my friend, only I now I can't even talk to him. It's making both getting myself to write and the actual writing process a little harder, so I apologize for that. My writing style may be a little affected.

This is a pretty long chapter, and largely from Edward's point of view…. And I, personally think some pretty exciting stuff happens…. But I won't say anything more…

I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does, but I hope you enjoy this anyway.

--

BPOV

Gym was particularly difficult the day after my date with Edward. After biology, he had walked me to the gymnasium. Once again, as we stood outside the door, I had felt a magnetic pull, seemingly drawing us together. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I could see the conflict raging in his eyes. His jaw tightened just slightly and his fingers hovered by my cheek… and then he changed course. Instead, he took my hand in his and placed a feather-soft kiss on my knuckles. His eyes didn't leave mine until he dropped my hand, flashed me a crooked smile, and walked away.

I was frozen by the door for moment, trying to get my breathing back to normal. How did he do that? I didn't really have a word for it… He left me breathless. Dazzled me. That's what he was doing to me.

I think when Edward dazzled me it had a lasting effect that day. I had more trouble concentrating in gym than usual, which was unfortunate because that class is _already_ my worst when I actually have my wits about me. It is definitely better to have a clear head when you have objects flying at you.

"Watch out!"

I was barely aware of the warning until a basketball collided with my shoulder. I fell backwards, falling into another student and knocking them down as well. The plus side of all this was that I twisted my ankle as I fell, which meant I got to sit out the rest of gym, watching from a safe distance.

Once class was over and I was done for the day, Mike offered to help me to the parking lot. It may have been a little unnecessary—I probably could have made it to Edward's car on my own, but, although perhaps Mike was being overly eager, I was glad to have the extra help.

Mike had his arm around me while my arm was over his nearest shoulder, and I had to admit it made walking much easier. I felt a tiny, sharp pang with every step, but I knew it would have been worse without someone holding me up a little. He paused when we reached the edge of the parking lot.

"Where is your truck?" he asked, noticing that it wasn't there.

"Um, Edward gave me a ride today."

"Oh."

"Yeah," I said. I bit my lip. I could practically feel disappointment emanating from him. I might be uncomfortable around him sometimes, but I still felt guilty.

"So, what, are you two dating?"

"Mike," I groaned. It was weird enough talking about this with a girl but even more so with a guy. I felt my face warm as blood rushed to my cheeks. "Yeah, we are."

"I was wondering about that. You've been with him a lot lately."

I silently started wishing that Edward would hurry up and find me.

"I thought you didn't want to date anyone," he said.

I looked away from Mike. "I wasn't planning on dating at all."

"You're dating Cullen," he pointed out.

"Edward," I corrected.

"Whatever. You're dating him." I could hear the dejection in his voice. I felt horrible.

"Aw, Mike… I wasn't planning on this happening."

"Sure you didn't," he said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. Since when did Mike have an attitude?

"I saw this coming from a mile away. I don't like it. It's not right, something's weird about him."

"Well, thanks for your concern," I said, starting to get annoyed with him, "but Edward and I are fine." I took my arm off his shoulder so I could go and sit on the bench a couple feet away, but Mike kept his arm around me.

"I'm serious," he said, "I wouldn't be—"

"Thanks, Mike," said a cool, velvety voice. Edward. "I can take her from here."

Somehow, Edward was just behind us. He never ceased to amaze me with the way he could show up unnoticed. I would have smiled at him, but the expression on his face was cold and warning.

--

EPOV

How could anyone be such a danger to themselves? Once I had seen Bella's fall through Mike's thoughts, I was eager to get out of Spanish. What was she thinking? She hadn't even been looking! If only I had gym with her… but what would I have been able to do for her if I had been there? Unless I had been right by her side I wouldn't have been able to prevent it without arousing suspicion. Plus, I doubted I would have been able to change my schedule, so I was stuck in Spanish. It was absurd that I should have to stay here when I knew Bella had hurt herself—it wasn't as though I could possibly learn anything else in high school, anyway.

When Mrs. Goff let us out of class, I could already hear Mike getting up the courage to confront Bella about me. I was highly offended by how ecstatic he was that Bella had twisted her ankle. He was glad to have a reason to have his arm around Bella's waist and to prove to her that he was reliable. His excitement was the only reason he waited as long as he did to bring me up, waiting until he noticed that Bella's truck wasn't there. He swore in his head.

I was trapped walking at a human pace. It was unbelievably frustrating. I would not be able to walk faster through the crowd of students filing out of their classrooms.

It wasn't often that someone got on my nerves as much as Mike. I didn't like hearing his thoughts about Bella. He wouldn't deserve her; he was blind to the amazing person that she was. His attraction for her was surface-deep, and hearing such thoughts bothered me.

Only for a few moments did he think any genuine thoughts for her. He was concerned about her dating me.

_He's a freak. How can she not see that? Something's off about him._

He was right. I was dangerous for her. I shouldn't let myself pull her away from humanity.

My regrets didn't last long when Mike's thoughts took a turn.

_It must be the money. Or the cars._

I might be more sympathetic towards Mike's situation if he had more respect for girls. How could anyone who knew Bella even the slightest even question her motives? I was furious that Mike was letting himself assume that Bella could be superficial, even if it was only to make himself feel better.

"Thanks, Mike," I said, curtly, when I had reached the two of them. "I can take her from here."

_Whoa. Freak. Where'd he come from?_

Mike wasn't helping to keep me calm.

"Alright," Mike said, slipping Bella's backpack off his shoulder and holding it out to her. I took it instead, and Mike scowled just slightly. _It's just because he's rich_, he reminded himself. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said and walked away.

"Bye," Bella said.

I watched after Mike as he walked away. "How's your ankle?" I asked, turning to Bella.

She frowned at me. "I think it's a little better… were you listening again?" The disapproval in her voice softened my temper.

"It happens pretty naturally," I said, which was partially true. It is hard to block out all the voices, but I may have tried a little less to ignore the voices and thoughts coming from the gym. "What happened?"

"I was hit by a basketball… I fell."

I rolled my eyes a little and shouldered Bella's backpack. Did I dare wrap my arm around her like Mike had? Was I sure I could control myself again? I'd done it before. I'd held her in my arms when she'd had her panic attack. I'd been fine then, and the urge to touch her now was unbearable.

I was exceedingly cautious as I wrapped my arm around Bella, holding her up enough so she wouldn't have to put much pressure on her bad ankle. I could feel the warmth of her body seep through her clothes and mine. The sensation was intoxicating.

"I gathered that much on my own," I said as I started us towards my Volvo. "You weren't even paying attention. Why is that?"

Bella laughed to herself, sounding nervous. "I was distracted… I was thinking about you."

Had anyone ever spoken better words? My lips tugged up in a smile, despite the warning going off in my mind. I was dangerous for her in more ways than I'd thought. On one hand, I was responsible for her getting pummeled by a basketball—as though I weren't dangerous enough for her already—but knowing that she had been distracted because she was thinking of _me_? Amazing.

--

That evening, I returned to Bella's room yet again. It pleased Alice, at least. Esme as well. Rosalie just huffed out a sigh as I left, not saying anything. She didn't need to.

_What could he possibly see in her? How could he possibly be interested in her when he was never interested in me? She's just a human!_

I didn't let Rosalie's thought's get to me. I knew she was just jealous because no single guy had ever been able to resist her for her looks. It may not have bothered her as much when I showed no interest in anyone, but now that I was seeing Bella she was thrown for a loop. In a way I _did_ feel some sympathy for her. More than anything, I was amazed that she couldn't see why Bella appealed to me so much. How could I not be helplessly drawn to someone so unique, so interesting, so breathtaking? It was an insult to Bella that Rosalie didn't seem to understand.

Bella was already asleep when I reached her house. When I climbed through her window, she was already mumbling in her sleep. I couldn't pick out any words right away—her words were jumbled together and sounded more like a groan than an actual string of words. I might have laughed, but I didn't want to wake her.

Through the night, Bella said my name five times. Each time, I would have sworn I was floating. She was dreaming about me. I may not know what the dreams were, but the fact that I was there with her in her dreams was enough. I liked thinking that a dream version of myself was there to protect her while she slept.

Surely I couldn't have been sitting in the rocking chair by Bella's bed for long, and yet the sun was starting to rise. The night had gone by in the blink of an eye, but I was not ready to leave. I should leave, I knew. It would be the right thing to do… but the idea of staying was so tempting. What would it be like to be the first thing Bella saw when she woke up?

I shouldn't let myself think these thoughts. I wasn't sure Bella would be ready for that. I didn't want to push her past her comfort level for my own satisfaction.

But what is worse: watching Bella in her sleep and lying about it through omission, or watching over her in her sleep and possibly upsetting her by revealing just how incapable I am of letting her out of my sight? I owed it to Bella to be honest.

It is possible, though, that I weighted the arguments intentionally in favor of convincing myself to stay. I wanted to stay with her. I wanted to be there when her eyes flickered open.

Bella groaned when her alarm clock went off, pulling her comforter over her head. She lay there for a few moments, perhaps trying to fall back asleep despite the beeps before throwing the covers back down and rolling to the side to shut off her alarm.

When Bella's eyes fell on me she practically jumped. Her eyes widened and her heart raced wildly. She held her hand over her heart.

"Oh my god, Edward!" Her voice came out as breathy gasps. I couldn't decide if I was feeling more guilty or entertained.

"Did I startle you?" I asked.

"Obviously," she said. Her heart rate was still up, but it was calming down. "Is this another attempt to cut down on anticipation?"

"No," I admitted. "I did this for my own selfish purposes." They were very selfish, indeed.

Bella was silent for a moment, trying to read my expression, most likely. "How long have you been here?" she asked, wary.

I rocked the chair back. "A while."

To my surprise, a faint smile spread across Bella's lips. She was _glad_ I was there. "How long is a while?" she asked.

"Most of the night." I crossed the room to sit next to Bella on the bed and took her hand in mine. It was all I was willing to risk right now. I didn't want to push Bella's comfort. "How'd you sleep? Although I suppose I can guess that for myself," I said with a smile.

Bella blushed and her eyes, still tired from her sleep, widened. "Was I talking in my sleep?" she asked. I could see in her eyes that she already knew the answer to this. She expected it.

"You do most nights," I said.

Bella groaned and, to my surprise, rested her head against my shoulder, burying her face. "Please tell me you weren't here to listen to all that."

"Do you want me to lie?"

"You were! You were here, weren't you?"

"Do you wish I hadn't been?"

Bella was thinking, and again it drove me crazy that I couldn't hear. All those thoughts running through her head… and she was keeping them from me, only allowing me to hear the select few that she verbalized. "No," she said, thoughtfully as she picked her head up off my shoulder. "I just… I can guess the sorts of things I've been saying." She looked at me with questioning eyes.

"You _did _say my name a few times," I said.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut and groaned again. "What else have I said?" she asked.

"You've said 'vampire' before," I said, laughing. If only she knew how much she had scared me that night. "That's why I thought you knew I was a vampire a while back."

"What else?"

"You've mentioned Phoenix a few times… and Renee."

Bella sighed. "I guess that's not so bad."

"Last night you said something about how we've almost kissed."

"Wow, that's so embarrassing," she muttered.

"It shouldn't be," I said, tentatively wrapping my arm around her waist. She didn't pull away… actually, she leaned against my side. "I've thought about it a lot, too, the only difference is I've always been awake at the time."

Bella turned to look at me. Her eyes flickered down to my lips for just a moment. "How do you do that?" she asked. Again, I caught her glancing down at my lips.

"How do I do what?"

"Always say the right thing."

Did I really? That was surprising, seeing as how I never seemed to be _thinking_ the right thing. Right at that moment, for instance, I was thinking once again about how much I wanted to kiss her. I couldn't force that on her, though. She couldn't possibly want to be so close to my teeth. No human should want to put themselves in such danger.

The way she was looking at me, though, I almost had myself convinced I was mistaken. Her face was solemn, her lips parted, and once again her heart beat was steadily accelerating.

"Stay still," she said. I obeyed, freezing in place. I was a marble statue, not breathing, not fidgeting by even a nanometer. As Bella inched closer I found I had no wish to kill her. Her scent still scorched my throat, but all I wanted was for her to find whatever it was that she needed to close the rest of the distance between us.

After what felt like a torturous moment of anticipation Bella's lips met mine, but where last time she turned away, this time she molded her lips entirely to mine. An electric jolt seemed to run through my body on contact. I thawed from my frozen state and reciprocated, cupping her face between my hands and kissing her back. It was a moment of the purest bliss as our mouths moved together. My heart soared.

Bella's breathing came on heavier and her fingers wound in my hair, holding my face against hers. The burn in my throat grew stronger, as did my desire for her blood as I started realizing just how easy it would be to bite her lip. I pulled away.

For a moment, Bella looked confused, but then comprehension washed over her face as she met my eyes. Did she see the monster festering inside me?

"Sorry," she said.

I held up a finger, motioning for her to wait for a moment. The monster was retreating. I breathed in and out, and then it was gone.

I nodded. "I apologize for that. I almost lost my sense of self."

"Oh. Are you okay?" she asked me.

"I'm considerably better than okay." I smiled at her. I could not remember a better experience in over 100 years.

Bella returned the smile. "Is it pathetic that that was my first real kiss?"

"It was mine as well," I admitted. "You've got social phobia as an excuse. I'm 108 years old and I've got none." None except that I hadn't met Bella until a couple months ago. I laughed. It was hard _not _to when I was feeling so light-hearted. "I've waited so long for you."

Bella blushed and looked down. "I'm sorry about that."

I smirked. "No, I mean all those years before I knew you. I more or less accepted that dating wasn't in my cards." Bella smiled at me and rested her hand on mine. I turned mine over under hers and linked our fingers together.

_Bella's usually gone into the bathroom by now. Maybe I just didn't hear the door._

Charlie's thoughts were getting curious. I knew I would be pushing my luck if I stayed longer.

"You need to get ready for school," I said.

"I'd rather not go."

"I'm already responsible for leading you into temptation. I'm not going to help you flunk out of school as well—"

"Can't you tutor me?" Bella asked. "You've been through high school a bunch of times already, haven't you?"

"—and it's important that you experience as normal of a human experience as you can. I'm not going to let you dating a vampire change that." I got off her bed and tugged lightly on her hand to help her up. Bella sighed but followed my lead. She had no problem getting up… it looked like her ankle was doing much better.

"Are you going to drive me to school again?" she asked. The hope in her eyes made me smile.

"Would you like me to?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"Then I'll be here." I lifted Bella's chin upwards and slowly brought my face down to hers, kissing her once more. I welcomed the warm tingles that shot through my body.

--

Now, I don't know about you, but after a chapter that is not only quite a bit longer than usual but also included Edward and Bella's first kiss…. I think I deserve a lot of reviews! Let me know what you think!

~Melissa


	21. Making Plans

Wow guys! Thank you so much for all the messages you wrote! You guys are awesome! Really, it was amazing, I've gotten over 40 emails between when I posted my last chapter and when I started writing this notifying me about new story alerts, reviews, and being favorited. I was blown away! 20 reviews! Every single review made me smile. Wow. That's a record for me! Thank you!!!

So I decided to write up a little reward for you guys (this is what you get for being so awesome!) This coming chapter might be a little more fluffy than usual… as I'm writing this I'm not entirely sure what it will be. I'm going to try to make it extra special, though!

I thought I would be getting up a one-shot (or maybe it will end up being more of a ficlet, I'm not sure) before I got this post up, but I guess I was wrong. That's part of why it took a little while longer to get this post up. I couldn't just leave it short, it didn't seem possible, haha. Anyway, if you like my writing, keep an eye out for it. I'm not sure what I'm going to call it yet. Basically, it's set after Breaking Dawn and it's more or less what I think it will be like when Bella and the rest of the Cullens have to move away from Forks. Bella has her first repeat of high school ahead of her… and it means she has to leave the first (and only) place where she fell in love and finally experienced a sense of belonging behind. And Charlie.

Anyway, here's the next chapter of A Different Kind of Fear. I hope you like it!

As many times as I wish, at 11:11, that I owned Twilight…. And Edward…. I realize that I don't. I never will =P, haha. Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I envy her so much for that!

--

BPOV

You know the phrase "looking at the world through rose-colored glasses"? I never really understood it before. I just didn't understand how love could make people so happy all the time or how everything could look so vivid and bright, smell sweeter, taste better. I had always thought that people were exaggerating.

They weren't.

It seemed like everything was so clear now, so perfect. It was as though my good mood brimmed over and was saturating everything else around me. Surely this was what life was supposed to be like.

How could things not be perfect? I was dating my own, personal angel. No one could compare to him.

A few days had passed since I'd kissed Edward, and it was Friday once again. Every night, he came in through my window before I went to bed. Every morning, he was the first thing I saw when I woke up. Wednesday morning, he was sitting in the rocking chair again. Thursday morning he was sitting on the bed near my head. When I woke up on Friday, he was lying down directly next to me, curled to fit against my sleeping form, but not quite touching me. He left a few inches of space between our bodies. When my eyes finally found his, he was always smiling.

On this Friday, I had insisted on driving. I can only take his 80-mile-an-hour driving so many times a week. If I didn't complain about it all the time he would probably always drive around 120. He's insane. How can someone who is concerned about my well-being drive that fast?

I drove us to school in my truck, which was good because as much as Edward hates driving 'slow,' he can't make comments on my driving anymore once I hit 55 miles an hour. My truck won't go faster than that.

When I pulled my truck into a parking spot and turned off the engine, Edward huffed out an agitated sigh.

"What?" I asked. Did this have to do with my driving?

"It's Alice. She's been badgering me for a chance to get to know you."

Oh. He must be hearing something in her thoughts. "That's okay. She could have come talk to me. She's done it before."

"I didn't want to overwhelm you. Alice tends to be a bit enthusiastic."

That was something I had already figured out for myself.

I climbed out of the driver's seat and in an instant Edward was by my door, taking my backpack from me. I swear, if he kept this up I was going to be majorly spoiled by the end of the semester.

Just as Edward had predicted, I spotted Alice walking over to us from some sort of red convertible. Honestly, I couldn't tell you what kind it was because I know next to nothing about cars. That didn't mean I couldn't tell that it was new and, most likely, worth more than I cared to know.

"Good morning Bella," she said when she reached us, her voice light and musical. "How'd you sleep?"

Normally I would think this to be an odd question. I don't usually discuss my previous night's sleep with my friends, but I suppose when your friend is a vampire who hasn't slept in decades it would make a difference. "Um, I slept alright." Actually, I slept much better than that. Knowing that Edward was there the whole time—and especially that he liked me enough to _want_ to be there—made my night considerably better than 'alright.'

Alice smiled knowingly. She seemed to see through my choice of words. I blushed.

As usual, Edward missed nothing. "Will you please stop harassing my girlfriend?"

My breathing caught on that word: girlfriend.

"It's fine," I said.

"Bella knows I mean no harm," Alice said, defending herself. "I just want to be friends, and speaking of which she's going to like me too, so would you please stop hogging her? It's selfish."

"I already like you, Alice." She'd been really nice to me in the past, and I've felt an odd sort of fondness for her ever since she had called Edward to check on me when we'd been at his meadow that one night. I never felt like I'd been in any danger when we'd almost kissed, but I was touched knowing that Alice was watching out for me.

"Well good," she said, smiling cheekily over at Edward. "When you come over this weekend—"

"I'm sorry?" This was the first time I'd heard about going to the Cullens' house.

"Edward was going to ask you before biology but I figure it's better to know these things ahead of time."

"Thanks, Alice," Edward said, a dry, sarcastic undertone coloring his voice.

"Don't mention it. Anyway, when you come over you need to stop by my room. I picked something up shopping a few weeks ago but I really do think it would look better with your skin tone."

"I don't know," I said, uncomfortable with this idea. "I can't take your clothes." I was looking over what she was wearing now—she was wearing a white, flamboyant blouse with a vest, skinny jeans, and a pair of red stiletto high-heel shoes the same shade of red as the scarf around her neck. As always, she looked like she'd stepped right off a Parisian runway. Everything she owned had to be couture or designed by a top-of-the-line fashionista. I couldn't take something that expensive from her.

"Of course you can."

"Don't worry about the money," Edward said, pitching in and practically reading my mind. Sometimes I wasn't so sure he was unable to hear my thoughts. "She rarely wears anything more than once, anyway. She won't miss it."

I bit my lip. Even if that were true, I still felt weird about taking anything of Alice's. Besides, when did I ever wear anything high fashion? It would stick out… but Alice looked excited about giving me her clothes. "Okay, fine," I agreed.

Alice's eyes went out of focus for a moment, and once they settled on me again her smile brightened. "Perfect. It'll look great on you."

I looked over at Edward, who rolled his eyes but was now smiling, as well. "Okay, Alice, you're right," he conceded.

"Aren't I always?" Alice and Edward looked at each other in silence for a beat longer.

"That's fine," he said. "I'll meet you back at home after school."

"Great. I'll see you later. Bye, Bella," she said, then turning to me and giving me a hug. When she stepped away she waved and walked—although I'm pretty sure she sped up the process a little—to the edge of the parking lot, where Jasper was waiting, looking a little stiff. She linked her arm with his, and two went off to their first classes.

"So is that what I am?" I asked as we made our way towards the English classroom.

"I don't know, what are you?" Edward asked. His hand slid down to meet mine and he laced his fingers together with mine. Were I not wearing gloves, it would have been too cold to hold his hand. The weather was just starting to warm up again.

"You called me your girlfriend back there."

"Well I'd assume you would be considered my girlfriend. As long as that's okay with you, of course."

"And you're my boyfriend?"

"I think that term is as fitting a title as any… if you define the 'boy' part loosely." Edward smiled. It was hard to stop myself from smiling, as well.

"I've never had a boyfriend before," I said, marveling at the idea.

"Well, there's a first time for everything."

The school day passed by easily. Somehow, now that I was dating Edward my classes seemed to blur by. Even my trigonometry class was more bearable. I wouldn't have thought that was possible.

The students at my high school had mixed responses when it came to my new relationship with Edward. Angela was thrilled for me. When I first told her that Edward and I had kissed, she smiled. "If it didn't happen soon I would have been really surprised." Alice, also, was excited about our status.

The other students, however, did not share their enthusiasm. Most of them were interested. Sometimes, when I walked between my classes, I would hear hushed whispers, questioning what made me so different—what made me worth noticing in Edward's eyes where everyone else fell short? It was a very good question. Usually, these discussions were awed and admiring, but sometimes they were held with bitter undertones. They resented that 'the new girl' could walk in and steal the affections of their most heart-breakingly gorgeous, single classmate. Lauren was one of these students. Boys such as Mike (and sometimes Eric) resented Edward for winning me over. I couldn't figure out where Emmett or Jasper stood, but Rosalie did not hold back from showing her distaste for me. I could feel her glares every lunch period. Occasionally, I would catch Edward rolling his eyes in her direction. The motion was so fast, I could never be sure I was right.

At first, I felt guilty about not eating lunch with Angela. I started feeling a little less so on Friday when I noticed that Ben had taken my empty seat. I checked in on her a few times that lunch period, glancing over when there was a pause in my conversation with Edward. Sometimes I would see her trying to resist a grin or her cheeks flush. Other times, she would be talking animatedly with him. One time, I caught her biting her lower lip. I would have to ask her what happened later.

When I turned back to face Edward, I noticed that he was resisting a smug grin of his own.

"What?" I asked.

His expression was innocent. "Looks like Ben finally found the courage to talk to Angela." I frowned, not understanding the small smirk he wore. He pretended not to notice. "So, I believe Alice invited you to our home for me," he said, now smiling. "How about it?" His eyes were on me, ready to appraise my response.

"Does it matter what I said, anyway? Didn't Alice say I was going to be there?"

"She did. It's still polite to ask, and besides, her visions ultimately depend on what you decide, remember?"

I looked down at my salad, spearing a cucumber. I did want to spend that time with Edward, but I was always nervous to meet new people. People's opinions of me were something of a preoccupation of mine. The idea of anyone disapproving of me still bothered me, but the idea of someone in Edward's family—someone who no doubt meant a lot to him—not liking me heightened my nerves even more so. I bit my lip.

"I take it you're not hesitant because you're afraid of a bunch of vampires," he said, lowering his voice for the last word.

"No, I'm not," I agreed.

Edward laughed, but he seemed to accept my answer. "You'd think that wouldn't surprise me anymore—hearing you aren't afraid of us."

I looked up at him and smiled a sheepish smile. On some level, I knew my fears were backwards, but I simply could not find it in me to be afraid of what he—or his family—was. "What if your family doesn't like me?" I asked, finally speaking out the question that had been hanging in the air.

"Esme and Carlisle already love you and they don't even know you."

"But Rosalie doesn't like me," I pointed out.

Edward paused for a moment and frowned over at his family's table. I wondered what I had just missed. "She doesn't dislike you as a person, per se. She knows she's not being fair."

"Great," I said, rolling my eyes. That didn't make me feel any better.

Once lunch was over, Edward and I walked to biology together. Whenever Mr. Banner looked away during class, whether to write on the chalkboard or to grab something off of his desk, I would feel a set of topaz eyes studying me. Usually I tried to avoid smiling, because I knew that as soon as I gave in it would be nearly impossible to dawn a straight face before Mr. Banner would turn back around.

Mr. Banner caught me grinning stupidly once. He paused his lecture, studied me with questioning eyes, glanced over at Edward, and then back at me. "Yes, Miss Swan?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he suspected that Edward and I had been talking or if he was attributing my grin to something else. Maybe he was just surprised. Whatever his reason for calling me out, it released me from the spell Edward seemed to have me under. I snapped back to reality and my face went red.

"Nothing. Sorry."

Mr. Banner frowned for a moment, but then returned to his lecture on fungi. I turned my head to the side ever so slightly, just enough to look at Edward and see that he was once again looking at me. He winked at me, and I scowled. Edward may not have to pay attention in class… he probably already had everything memorized, but whether he intended it or not I was having trouble thinking when I knew he was watching. It made my heart thud erratically in my chest.

Edward laughed silently in his chair, but he obeyed my silent demand and faced the front of the room once more.

When the class bell rang, Edward and I gathered our books and then walked to the gym together. As usual, I could feel other students watch us, but Edward didn't acknowledge them. The attention made me uncomfortable—I would much rather blend in, but I was willing to deal with it if it meant having Edward by my side.

"So I'll pick you up after gym," he said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I could practically feel a jolt of electricity run through my body at his touch.

"Yeah. Sounds good."

"Don't fall." There was that perfect, crooked smile.

I frowned at him. "Yeah, you definitely sound concerned."

"You know I am." His eyes grew serious as he stepped closer. "I know it's a lot to ask, but please, try to pay attention."

"You can't honestly think I try to be clumsy." I knew he was concerned about me, and I was glad that he was, but it was hard to be completely alert when I knew that I was minutes away from being with Edward again. He made my clumsiness worse.

"I don't," he said. "You could try harder to keep your focus, though."

It was a little hard for me, knowing that Edward knew me so well. He claimed that he knew so much less about me than he did about everyone else, but despite that, I was sure he knew more about me than any of my friends or family did. I was a little embarrassed that he seemed to know I would be thinking about him during gym.

I stood up on my toes and kissed Edward. I wasn't sure if it was because we were in public or because Edward was keeping himself in check, but it ended too soon for my liking. He had pulled himself out of my arms a couple seconds into the kiss, firmly holding his ground, but his eyes held the same regret that I knew he must have seen in mine.

"Sorry," I said.

Edward shook his head at me. "You shouldn't apologize. I would have stopped you much sooner if I hadn't wanted it, too."

When Edward walked away to his Spanish class he left me breathless and faint, as usual.

--

That's it for today. I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! The story is going to get a little more dramatic/exciting soon. I've had this planned for a little while, so I'm excited to have their relationship developed enough that I can pull in this part of the plot. There might be one or two more chapters before it starts, but keep your eyes out for it!

You might remember that I have a Twilight roleplaying site. The thing is, that friend of mine who is dying played a large role in that roleplay site, and his girlfriend played Bella. I haven't heard much from her since he got sick, but I'm under the impression that she's (understandably) done with roleplaying for a while. I'm not done with it, though, and since it doesn't feel right continuing on that first site without him… I'm starting over. I'm starting a new site and starting from the very beginning when Bella moved to Forks. Everything is the EXACT same as it was at the beginning of the series.

Anyway, I am once again going to play Edward. The more members we have, the better. Ideally, I'd love to at least have the full Cullen family, Bella, and Charlie involved. For now, I'm going to say that members can play no more than two of those characters, but you can also play some characters that you make up. At the minimum, though I'd love to have someone play Bella to my Edward. Yup! **I'm looking for someone to play Bella! **__Anyway, if you are interested, send me a message so I can give you the web address and any other info you might need. (click on 'iik8r' at the top of the page to get to my profile, and them click "Send Message" at the very top of the screen. My response to you should be delivered to your email inbox.) I've already got one other person playing an original character.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Please review, because I'm always inspired when I read them. They are what really get me going.

~Melissa


	22. Grand Tours

Hah! So funny story…. Classes were canceled today here, which means no classes, no working in the lab, no dance practice. AMAZING! We got over a foot of snow, which, since I grew up a few hours south of where I am going to college, is more than I can ever remember having! But anyway, since I woke up and got all ready for class before I realized that I didn't have classes today—and since I'm too awake to fall back asleep—I thought I'd surprise you guys with a second post in a row! Consider it my gift to you guys!

Thanks for all the reviews, guys! I tried to make last chapter as exciting as I could, but I was at a point where I had to establish Edward's and Bella's relationship a little more as well as set up for a couple future events. It kind of had to be fluffy, and I know some people don't like fluff as much as writing that really leads somewhere.

I do not own Twilight… which is too bad, really.

--

BPOV

I was shaking.

It made taking my seatbelt off a little more difficult than it should be, but luckily it wasn't as bad as usual. I knew it shouldn't be much of a problem, since the shaking was isolated in my hands. I wished I knew whether Edward could tell that my hands were quivering. I hoped he didn't, because I didn't want him to think I couldn't handle this. I knew I could. I _wanted_ to meet Edward's parents. I was excited that he wanted me to see his home, his family—that he wanted me to see a part of his life that no other human got to see.

I had taken an extra dose of my medication, just to calm my nerves a little. I didn't seriously expect it to have an actual effect on me, but it made me feel more at ease. Thank god for placebos.

I was glad I _felt_ calmer than I could have possibly hoped for, but it would have been nice if I could keep my hands still. I couldn't be sure if Edward had noticed. Every time I thought I might have seen him glancing at my hands, he had looked away again before I could be sure.

When Edward helped me out of his Volvo, I finally realized he had. His cool hands grasped mine, holding them still as he pulled me against his chest.

"You really don't need to worry," he assured me.

I hadn't realized that I had been tense until I was in his arms and I suddenly felt my muscles ease up. My arms found their way around his waist and I rested my head against his shoulder. It felt like I was hugging a granite statue, but I was surprised how comfortable I was.

"Alice is psychic, remember? Today is going to go without a hitch."

"I know," I said. I always knew, rationally, that everything would be fine.

Edward and I walked to the front door. It opened before he even made a made a move to grab the handle, and there stood a man who looked no older than 25. He had alabaster skin and piercingly golden eyes, just like Edward's. He, too, was breathtakingly beautiful. This must be Carlisle.

"Hello, Bella," he said in his honey-smooth voice. He held his hand out to me to shake. His hand was just as cold as the one that was now rested on the small of my back. "I'm glad Edward finally brought you home to us."

"Thanks for having me," I said, smiling. He absolutely exuded calm, and it made it hard not to relax around him. "Your home is…" There weren't words for it. Their mansion was not as eerie as I had expected it to be, but every bit as stunning, if not more so.

"Actually, Esme is the one you should credit the house to," Carlisle said.

"Decorating is one of her specialties." I felt Edward's breath tickling my ear as he spoke.

"That's very kind of you, dear," I heard a voice say. I realized we had another person with us, standing by Carlisle's side. I was fairly sure she hadn't been there just a moment ago. She had flowing caramel hair that would be the envy of any model and a warm smile.

"So here's the girl that won Edward's heart." Esme stepped forward and wrapped me into a gentle hug. "Oh, I've wanted to meet you for some time, now. I already feel like I know you!"

I don't know what it was about the hug—maybe it was just the fact that my father and I hadn't hugged in at least a year—but somehow I felt like I'd known her for much longer than ten seconds. She may only look a few years older than Carlisle, but I could feel maternal love radiating off her.

"Edward speaks very highly of you both," I said.

Esme smiled even wider. "He does of you, as well."

Edward ran his fingers through his bronze hair, smiling sheepishly. "I was thinking I'd give Bella a tour of the house," he said.

"Of course," Esme said. "We'll be in the office."

"You're very welcome here, Bella," Carlisle said, speaking up. "Make yourself at home."

Edward's parents sauntered away at a human pace. Once they were out of sight, I felt Edward give my shoulder a little squeeze. "They loved you."

Edward gave me a tour of the house. He started with the dining room, kitchen and living room. I had never seen a grand piano in someone's house before, and was impressed that they had one. I wondered to myself whether the whole family was musical. Probably so… this was a family that seemed capable of everything.

Next, Edward took me up the stairs and showed me a few studies as well as Emmett and Rosalie's bedroom and Jasper and Alice's.

"We pretty much consider it Alice's room for obvious reasons," Edward explained, pushing open a door to reveal her room. It definitely looked like Alice's room, which didn't surprise me. I got the feeling that she was good at getting her way.

Edward started closing the door, but stopped and sighed.

"What?" I asked.

I heard a higher, sweet voice answer my question. "Edward promised me he'd let me so you your dress."

My eyes widened. The 'something she picked up' was a dress? "You never said it was a dress." I didn't wear dresses. Ever. They weren't my style, and I didn't have reasons to wear them, anyway.

Alice turned to me with a look of pure longing. "Please?" she asked. I hesitated. "Will you at least give it a chance? You may really love it."

I glanced over at Edward who was fighting back a smile. He shrugged his shoulders at me, clearly saying that this was my problem to deal with. I didn't know if I could deny Alice. She really seemed to want me to see the dress. It couldn't hurt to just see the thing, could it?

Alice's eyes lost focus for a split second. "Thank you!" she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside. One moment of weakness was all it had taken.

She sat me down on her bed and then disappeared through her closet door. I'm not sure I wanted to know just how big it was. She pulled out a navy dress with black ropes that criss-crossed the bodice and became the straps. It had an empire waist and a few inconspicuous black flowers alone the black strips of fabric. It was the sort of dress that looked fitting for a range of events from semi-casual to mid-range formal. I loved it… but not for me. When did I ever wear dresses?

"So? What do you think?" Alice asked, shedding the hanger of the dress bag so I could see it more clearly.

"It's beautiful," I said, being honest.

Alice's face fell. "You don't like it."

"No," I insisted. "It's not that… I really do like it, it's gorgeous. I just don't wear dresses. I can't see when I'd ever have a chance to wear it."

Alice pursed her lips together, fighting a smile. "I'm sure you'll find the right opportunity."

I looked over at Edward once more, but his facial expression wasn't exactly helpful. He shrugged his shoulders once and finally told me what I wanted to know. "I'd ask you to the spring dance, but I believe it's ladies' choice."

My jaw dropped. I had forgotten about the dance. It was just under a month away, but I saw the first fliers for it go up on Friday.

"No dances," I said, keeping my voice firm.

"Aw, Bella, you can't be serious," Alice said.

"No dances," I repeated.

"What do you have against dances?" Edward asked, sitting on the edge of Alice's bed by my side.

"Have you _seen_ how many times I've fallen? And that's just walking, imagine how it would be if I tried _dancing_." At least when I fell on a day-to-day basis I was wearing jeans. If I fell in a dress I might just die from embarrassment. There were so many things that could go wrong, so many ways I could humiliate myself. That's not to mention the fact that I simply didn't know how to dance.

Edward laughed. "That's not a problem. I'd be holding you the whole time. You wouldn't have the chance to fall."

"If it's ladies' choice, then I choose not to go." I was feeling very stubborn.

"She'll change her mind eventually," Alice said. Her confidence bothered me. "Just take the dress."

I conceded, and the moment Edward saw me give in he took the dress from Alice and zipped it back into its bag. "There's a little left to your tour," he said, taking my hand and leading me out of the room.

"Thanks for the dress," I said to Alice as I was led out. I managed to see her smile in response before I was back in the hall.

Edward took me up to the third floor, where he showed me his room. It was nothing like I would have expected. For one, it had no bed. I don't know why that surprised me because I knew he didn't sleep, but I'd always associated one's room with a bed. It hadn't occurred to me that he wouldn't have one, especially since Alice had one in her room. Suddenly, I realized why she and Jasper must have a bed. I wasn't surprised anymore.

While Edward didn't have a bed, he did have a black, leather sofa. He also had a wall that was entirely dedicated to music. I suppose when you've been around for over a hundred years, you're bound to have a lot of it.

Once the tour was done, Edward took me back downstairs. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie were collected around their plasma-screen television. I found it odd that such an atypical family would do something so normal. It didn't quite seem to fit.

"Edward, Bella, won't you join us?" Carlisle said, waving us over. Emmett looked over at me curiously, but Rosalie made a point of not even glancing my way.

My eyes lingered on the grand piano once again. "Who plays the piano?" I asked.

Esme left the couch and came over to us. I could see faint excitement in her eyes. "Edward does. Has he not mentioned it?"

I shook my head. "No, he didn't."

"You should play something for her," she told Edward.

He turned to me. "Would you like to hear something?"

Who wouldn't want their perfect, vampire boyfriend to serenade them? I nodded my head. He took a seat on the bench and pressed down a few keys, playing a chord. I stood behind him and watched as his fingers glided past the keys as a smooth scale resonated from the piano. He paused, turned to the side, and put a hand on my back, guiding me around the bench so I would sit next to him. I did so gladly.

Edward played a couple more chords in what sounded like a warm up before he launched into a sweet melody. A lullaby.

"Hey, I've heard this before," I commented.

"Have you?" Edward asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"Yes. Where have I heard this?" I said, asking myself.

Edward didn't respond, and instead continued to play. The music swelled and filled the room, bouncing off the walls. I was so sure I'd heard this somewhere. It was going to bother me until I figured it out.

"You were humming this," I suddenly remembered. "The night after that biology test."

Edward chuckled. "Yes, this is the same song."

I was sure the family had heard about my panic attack that night, but I didn't want to call too much attention to it. I preferred to pretend that they didn't know that I had fallen apart to the point of tears and that Edward had held me together until I calmed down. He had hummed as he sat with me, helping me regain control.

I was entranced as I watched Edward's fingers float over the keys. The song was beautiful. I wondered what it was.

"It's amazing," I said.

"You inspired this." I looked away from the keys and focused on Edward's side profile. He was smiling.

An intense sensation broke through my chest. I had never felt anything quite like it before. I very nearly felt dizzy by it, and breathless.

"I love you."

I was surprised the words had fallen out of my mouth. I hadn't even meant to say it. I hadn't known that was what I had been feeling until after I'd heard myself say those words.

The music stopped and a set of lips crushed against mine. Edward kissed me, his hands cupping my face, but this kiss was not as gentle as some of the previous ones. I could feel the pure elation in the way his mouth moved with mine, which only intensified the emotion spreading through my body like fire. As usual, though, he pulled back far too soon, leaving me feeling even more faint than before.

"You have no idea, _no idea_, how good it is to hear you say that." Edward kissed me again, his hands still placed on either side of my face. His eyes blazed. "I love you."

I blushed wildly and broke away from his hands for a moment, turning to the television, where I was sure his entire family had witnessed our exchange. How embarrassing! But they weren't there. Edward and I were the only ones downstairs.

"They left to give us privacy," he explained, understanding my reaction.

"Oh," I said, my voice meek as I turned back to him.

Edward's eyes were set on me with a soft vulnerability I had never seen in them before. "This world would hold nothing for me without you." I got the feeling that he had been wanting to say that to me for a while.

"I can't believe it," I said, my voice breathy. Edward broke into a wide smile. "I didn't think this was possible." I hadn't thought I could fall in love. I had thought my fears would prevent me from ever falling in love with anyone.

"You love me."

"I do."

--

This chapter didn't end up like I had originally meant it to be… but I'd like to think you prefer it this way to the way it would have originally gone. My writing just got away from me! Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter (because I know I do). If you guys enjoyed it, too, then please PLEASE review! Review because they exchanged 'I love you's and because I posted twice in a row! And (hopefully) because you really liked this chapter!

Check my profile if you want to see a picture of the dress Alice gave Bella. I'll have a link to it there. There's also a link for the new roleplay I started for Twilight, if you're interested!

Just to clear one thing up, there was a whole period of six weeks, I believe it was, when Edward was avoiding her in the book. Since I cut that part out and made them avoid each other for shorter periods of time in my story, I figured that would mean that the spring dance hadn't happened yet.


	23. Skipping School

Hey guys! Thanks for all your reviews! I loved them all, so thanks for taking the time to write them. They really mean a lot to me, and you know they get me writing all the sooner!

Sorry if you got two emails, again. I had to fix something….. a couple big typos….

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

I do not own Twilight, although I wish that I did.

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BPOV

My room was far too light when I woke up on Monday morning. I didn't have to open my eyes to know that; I could see it through my eyelids. Sure enough, when I opened my eyes my room didn't look half as gloomy as it usually did when I woke up for school. It was sunny out.

I sat up in my bed and looked around me, automatically looking for my bronze-haired angel, but on this morning he was nowhere to be seen.

"Edward?" I asked, my voice hushed.

If Edward was anywhere nearby I knew he would have appeared in front of me, but he didn't. He really wasn't there. Disappointment ran through me at this realization, and it only got worse when I remembered that he couldn't go out in the sun. He wouldn't be going to school today.

When I slid out of bed, my feet knocked a folded sheet of paper to the ground. I frowned and picked it up, my heart racing when I saw my name written in Edward's elegant script. I unfolded it and flattened the note out against my stomach.

_Bella,_

_My apologies. I had to leave before the sun came out. Please look out for yourself at school. Stay safe._

_Forever yours,_

_Edward_

I sighed and reread the note. Edward must have heard from Alice about the weather somehow last night. The idea of having to deal with Mike's flirts without having lunch and biology with Edward to look forward to didn't appeal to me in the slightest.

A sudden thought occurred to me. I hadn't missed a single day of school since I'd moved to Forks. I could afford to miss one, couldn't I? I was already ahead in English, anyway, and Trigonometry was the only class in which it might be even remotely difficult to catch back up. The fact that skipping school today meant I would miss gym would just be an added bonus.

Would Alice see me staying home today? If Edward found out I was staying home, would I get to spend the day with him after all?

Suddenly I saw the hole in my thinking. If Edward left early so he wouldn't have to worry about the sun on the way home, what were the chances that he would go out in the sun and risk exposure to see me?

Whether Edward did or didn't come, I knew I didn't want to deal with school today without him. No Mike, no Eric, no getting stared at, no gym, no pretending to be interested in Jessica's gossip. If I could afford a day off, why not take it anyway?

I'd never really skipped school before. It wasn't something I'd really done, but somehow I felt rejuvenated by the idea of missing school. If I got to see Edward because of it, great. If not, I would get a chance to catch up on the reading I'd been wanting to do.

I put a bathrobe on over my clothes and went downstairs. I wasn't even sure if this would work—I wasn't exactly good at lying.

When I got downstairs, Charlie was washing out a cereal bowl in the sink. I walked over to a chair around the table and sat down, trying to look tired or weak.

"Morning," he said, still facing the sink.

"Morning, Dad."

Charlie turned around, a rag in hand, and his eyes fell on me as he dried the bowl. I could feel him assessing me. "You don't look so good, Bells."

"I don't _feel_ so good." I folded my arms on the table and rested my head. I didn't want my face to give anything away, and I was hoping that if I had my head down I would look more convincingly feeble.

"Are you sick?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know."

"Maybe you should say come from school today."

I grunted noncommittally.

"Yeah," he said. "I think you should. I'll call the school and let them know you won't be coming in today."

"Thanks," I said, my head still resting on my arms.

"Sure." Charlie set the bowl on the counter. "You rest up."

Charlie told me to go back to bed as he took his gun and headed toward the door. He said to call him if I needed him and then he was gone. I waited until I heard his car start and the sound of his car pulling away.

I was alone. I went back up my stairs, wondering how long it would take for Edward to get to my house if he was coming. How long would I have to wait before knowing he wouldn't show up?

When I opened my bedroom door, I found Edward lounging on my bed. My plan had worked. I smiled when our eyes met.

"You're sick today?" He sounded worried at first, and I felt his eyes appraising me. He slowly furrowed his brow. I could feel the doubt settling in now that he saw me.

"No. I'm fine."

"Why aren't you going to school, then?" His voice was suspicious.

I shrugged my shoulders lamely. "It's sunny out."

"You shouldn't have skipped school."

"You did."

"This isn't my first time through high school," he said, disapproving. "I already know everything they have to say."

"Great," I said. "You can tutor me."

He rolled his eyes. "You are impossible."

"No. I'm not. I haven't missed a single day. I need some extra time off every now and then."

Edward sighed, but I couldn't tell if it was because he was frustrated with me or because he was giving up the argument. "Did you do this because you thought I would come?" he asked.

My cheeks flushed slightly. "Yes."

He was silent for a moment, and I wished I knew what he was thinking about as his eyes jumped from me to my backpack on the floor. "You really should go to school. I'm supposed to go hunting today."

It wasn't until that moment that I realized that Edward's eyes were dark—possibly darker than they'd been since my first day at Forks High School. The shadows under his eyes were more prominent than I was used to. I'd been noticing his eyes get darker, but somehow I couldn't remember them reaching this point. It felt like his eyes had skipped a few shades between a deep caramel and the black that they now were.

I understood what Edward was saying… it made sense… but that didn't stop me from feeling an unfamiliar emotion sweep through me: rejection.

"I'm sorry," I said. I was trying to smile to hide my disappointment. "You should go hunt."

I could tell from Edward's softening expression that I wasn't fooling him. He motioned with his hand for me to join him on the bed, and I did so hesitantly. I was suddenly feeling horribly selfish. Why had I let myself assume Edward wouldn't have anything else he needed to do?

As soon as I'd climbed on my bed, Edward's arms pulled me up onto his lap. His arms held me close to his chest in an iron grip, and I rested my forehead against the base of his neck. His fingers rubbed soothing circles against my hip.

"I suppose I could hunt later today," he said. "There are deer around Forks. I'll leave before Charlie gets home so you can have some time with him and I'll come back here when I'm done."

"No, it's fine. You should hunt with your family." I was already limiting the time he spent with them. It was greedy of me to keep him to myself while the rest of them hunted together.

Edward smiled, full of humor. "Our school already thinks you're missing school today. Let's not you and I waste that." He was laughing softly now. I wondered what he'd heard in Charlie's thoughts. Maybe it didn't even have to do with my father's thoughts—it was hard to tell with Edward, sometimes. He was full of his own private jokes.

"Plus, if you think that I can leave you now that I've got you here," he said, tightening his arms around me just slightly, "then you've seriously underestimated just how strong of a hold you've got on me."

"I think you're the one with a hold on me." If I wanted to pull away from Edward, I didn't think his stone-like arms would allow me.

He chuckled. "I suppose you're right."

"I thought you couldn't go out in the sun," I said, choosing a different path for our conversation. "How did you get here without exposing yourself?"

"Easy, I didn't come in the Volvo. I took Carlisle's car. Its windows are sufficiently tinted if we need to get somewhere when it's sunny."

"Oh."

"Any more questions?" he asked. I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I'm sure I'll think of some."

Edward sighed. "You always do."

He smiled and brought his lips down to mine. I gladly reciprocated, sealing my lips over his. For a moment, our mouths moved together, but when I felt his hand brush my cheek and his lips part mine the stiff control I usually held over myself vanished. I grasped at Edward's rock-hard chest, trying to pull him closer while trying to push him down against my bed.

I'd all but forgotten that Edward was too strong for me to push down until his hands grasped tightly at my arms, pushing me back. His eyes blazed.

"Oh my god," I said keeping perfectly still. I was barely breathing, even when Edward's grip loosened and his eyes lost their wild edge and became cautious. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm going to have to stop kissing you if you're going to react like that."

"I'll be good," I promised.

Edward's expression turned teasing. "Can you be? I know how hard I am to resist."

He didn't know the half of it, but I was going to prove that I could handle it. "Yeah. I'll prove it."

I leaned in again, and Edward let me. I kissed him much more cautiously this time, and once I'd shown some restraint he kissed me back. That was all it took to undermine my self-control. I wound my fingers into his hair and I ran my tongue across his lower lip.

In an instant, Edward was holding me at a distance. His eyes were reproachful. "Here's an idea. Leave the kissing to me." He lowered his head and kissed my jawline.

It should be illegal to kiss the way Edward did. I would have agreed to anything in that state, with his lips grazing my skin and massaging my neck. I should have been embarrassed of the way I was breathing. I would have been around anyone else. It came in loud, pant-like gasps, but Edward didn't seem to care. Instead, he trailed down to my neck, and an intense shiver ran through my body.

"Edward…" I gasped, not sure if I was protesting to what he was doing or asking him to continue.

He chuckled when I didn't finish my sentence.

"You are driving me insane."

"You smell exceptionally delectable today," he said with his lips pressed against my throat. "I can guarantee you are bringing me closer to insanity."

"Do you…" I couldn't think for a minute. I lost my words.

"Yes?"

"Do you need to stop?"

"I don't think so, Bella." He said this like he was determined to keep going, trying to convey that he wasn't going to stop, regardless, rather than that he thought he didn't need to stop.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive." His voice was suddenly silkier, more seductive… if that was even possible. Nearly hypnotic. "You can't tell me you want me to stop."

"No… I can't." I felt a small thrill of fear, but I couldn't explain why.

His kisses grew more eager, and I felt his hands clasp around my face, tilting it up. He pressed his cool lips against my throat and I shivered.

Something cool and sleek sliced cleanly through my skin, and suddenly I was released. I was alone on my bed.

I had a split second to find Edward, pressing himself against a wall as far away from me as he could manage, but his eyes did not stray from mine. I registered a look of pure horror on his face.

And then the burning started.

--

Oh my… did that just happen? What do you think will happen? You know the quickest way to find out…. Review =) I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as I can, but I do have a lot of work to do this week…. I've got to write a 6,000 word short story for my creative writing class… and while I LOVE writing there is usually only so much I can make myself do in a week. If you review, though, it might help me get past any reluctance to write… so… you know… maybe you should review… hint hint ;-)

I wasn't sure at first if it would be in character for Bella to skip school, but then I realized that she'd skipped school once to be with Jacob in New Moon and once in Eclipse with Edward (and agreed to skip before she knew there was a specific purpose to skip). I figured as long as she had a reason to do it and as long as she didn't abuse it that she might skip a day of school.

My roleplay is starting to get going. I've officially got Edward, Bella, Alice, and supposedly someone who wants to play an original character, but we'd LOVE more. I'd love to see Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, Charlie and anyone else as well. The link for the site is in my profile. I'd love to see you guys there!


	24. Desperation

Hey! Wow, I got some of the most enthusiastic reviews I've ever gotten! I was so sure I was going to make people mad, haha! I hadn't originally planned to have Edward bite Bella… but I wanted to make this story different (in what I hope to be a plausible way).

Just to make sure things are understood, Alice did see Bella decide to skip school (that was how Edward knew to visit her and why he thought she was sick). She probably did see Edward bite Bella ahead of time, but it was more or less a split-second 'decision' (I hesitate to call it a decision for obvious reasons) so Alice didn't have the time to stop it from happening.

Thank you for bringing my grand total number of reviews past 200! You guys seriously rock! Last I checked, I had 17 reviews for my last chapter! W-O-W. Because you guys are so awesome, _this is your reward_. Longer than usual, sooner than usual, and personally, this may be my favorite chapter so far. I hope you enjoy it, too!

I figure this would be a good time to switch to Edward's point of view, so I'm sure some of you will like that =)

I don't own Twilight. *sigh*

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EPOV

Bella stared at me with wide eyes. I didn't have to be able to read her mind to see the confusion behind them. The room was fast filling with the smell of her fresh, fragrant blood, only she didn't seem to notice yet. Funny that she didn't, because I was too aware of the intoxicating scent that had me surrounded, of the thin line of red that brimmed to the surface along her throat even now as her eyes held mine.

I hadn't bitten her hard. The moment my teeth sank into her I had pulled away. I'd stopped before her blood could flow into my all-too willing mouth. Had I waited, had I let myself taste her blood while she was restrained in my arms, I'm positive I would have killed her.

It was bad enough that I could taste her blood on my teeth. It was warm and inviting, and right in front of me I had a full supply of it. The richest, sweetest blood I'd ever known. I had proof of that, now. I had tasted it. Now the venom pooled into my mouth. I stopped breathing, but the taste of her blood still lingered on my tongue. Her flavor nullified any advantage holding my breath should have provided.

Bella still sat on her bed. Not a full second had passed, and she was disoriented and breathless. It made her vulnerable. She was weak, unsuspecting, and utterly defenseless. Not that she ever had a prayer of a chance of fighting me off. I could kill her now and she wouldn't be the wiser.

But _Bella_. I had _hurt_ her! I truly was a monster. Bella, the sweetest, kindest, most deserving of every happiness… biting her was the most vile of acts. I had betrayed the trust she had given me most undeservingly.

If there was any hope that my venom hadn't leaked into her bloodstream, it was shattered when I heard Bella's sharp intake of air. She grasped at her neck, where I was positive she must feel my venom burn through her. She pulled her hand away, surprised, and looked down at her hand, now dripping with blood. Her face paled.

When Bella's eyes met mine a heavy shame swept through me. The burn was my fault.

And then Bella screamed. "It burns!" she wailed. "Oh my god! Stop it!"

For a moment, I felt helpless. I didn't know what to do. I did not trust myself to go near her. I could hurt her worse. The last fiber of my control could snap and I might drain her. I would be the worst kind of monster.

Bella screamed louder and fell over on her bed. Her body started thrashing and shaking as she clutched her neck. A trail of blood trickled out between her fingers, down her neck, and into her hair. "It's burning! My neck!"

I was frozen by my own revulsion. I'd done this to her. It was my fault… but I would be even worse if I sat there and watched her writhe.

I hadn't bitten her as hard as I could have. She wasn't bleeding uncontrollably. If I'd bitten harder—if I hadn't stopped myself—she would already be drenched in her own blood. She would loose too much to survive as a human. The only way to keep her would be to let her change into a vampire.

But… if I let her turn into a vampire I would never forgive myself. She would be better off dead than existing under a never-ending thirst, a slave to the same instincts that had made me bite her. As it was, she might be able to survive this.

This was the hope that drove me.

"Edward! It burns!"

It felt as though my dead heart was crushed to a fine powder when Bella screamed my name. I would make this better. I would. I had to convince myself of this as I picked her up. She was kicking out, but I had no trouble jumping out the window with her in my arms.

My skin sparkled the moment the sunlight hit me. I'd hoped I would get to show her this today, our day off… but not like this. Not because I was clinging to any hope that Bella would neither die nor become a vampire. She didn't notice, anyway. Her eyes were squeezed shut, the pain she felt registering clearly on her face.

I should have taken Carlisle's car back home. It would have been the responsible thing to do, but that would take longer. It would mean more time for Bella to endure this pain. It was time I couldn't afford. I took the chance and dashed by the car, taking the straightest path back home. I ran across the street and into the forest.

My phone rang in my pocket a moment later. My family must already know. Holding Bella against me with one arm, I opened my phone but didn't speak. I didn't have a large store of air. I wouldn't be able to speak much without breathing again, and breathing was not an option around Bella. Her shrieks would let them know I had answered.

"Edward," Carlisle's voice spoke, urgent. "What happened?"

"I bit her!" My father couldn't have been more disgusted with me than I already was.

"That's what Alice thought happened. Do you have control over your thirst?"

"I'm not sure," I said. "Can you do anything?" Bella screamed over my words, but I was sure he was able to hear me.

"I can try. We're on our way. We'll meet you halfway there. It's okay, Edward, we'll do what we can."

I would have scoffed, but that would require using up valuable air.

"Alice doesn't see you killing her."

"But does she _change_?" I asked.

There was a beat of silence, and I could hear Alice's voice through the phone. She must be near Carlisle. "I'm not sure," she said.

I hung up my phone and kept running. Half a minute later, I spotted Carlisle, Alice, and Esme running towards me. Alice must have predicted the path I was running.

"Set her down," Carlisle instructed. I kicked a branch out of the way—it collided with a neighboring tree and broke it in half—and rested Bella on the ground as gently as I could. Her blood had stained my clothes, smeared across a large portion of the top half of my shirt. It revolted me that I was tempted by the blood on me as the love of my existence thrashed on a bed of leaves.

"Can you save her?" I demanded.

"I'm not sure." He dropped his bag on the floor and then wiped away the blood on her neck with a cloth. "It's a clean bite… and it isn't deep. I might be able to suck the venom out."

"Then do it!"

"Edward—" Esme said, reproachfully. I immediately felt bad for snapping at Carlisle.

"It's okay," Carlisle assured. "I can try."

"Stop the burn! _Please!_"

I couldn't bear to watch as Carlisle lowered his mouth to Bella's throat. I couldn't listen to Bella scream in pain over what _I _had done. I did the only thing I could do: I turned and ran. Alice ran after me, but she soon fell behind.

I ran five miles deeper into the woods. Once I was convinced I was far enough away that I would not be able to smell Bella's blood, I took in a much needed breath. I had been completely out of air.

I turned and punched a boulder. It cracked and fell to pieces, a few of which ricocheted and flew into the surrounding trees. Twenty yards away, I heard a tree crack and fall. It had not dissipated my anger towards myself. There was a small tree a yard away I very much wanted to uproot.

"Edward, stop!" Alice said, finally reaching me.

I snarled, not welcoming anything that kept me from letting my fury out. "I bit her!" I deserved the worst punishment the world had to offer. The blood on my shirt made my throat burn and my muscles tense. I deserved this pain.

"It's done. You can't do anything about it now."

"Do you think that _matters?_ If anything happens to her it'll be my fault!"

"She's going to survive," Alice insisted. _I can see it now_. Alice's vision popped up before my eyes. Bella was sleeping in her bed at home with stitches in her neck. Her face was pink. Her chest moved. She was alive and human. I breathed a sigh of relief.

_She'll be alright_. Alice emphasized.

"That doesn't make what I did alright. Just because she survived—this shouldn't have happened in the first place."

"Edward—"

"No, this has all been a mistake. I should never…" I sighed and ripped my shirt off of me. It would be stupid to let myself be tempted by her blood, especially when my top priority was to make sure that Bella got better.

Alice, most likely having seen this move from me already, pulled out a silver lighter. She took the shirt from me and set it on what was left of the boulder I had smashed to rubble and lit it on fire. The air filled with the smell of ash and smoke.

As I watched the pillar of soot and ash rise to the sky my mind wandered back to where Bella lay, Carlisle working to fix my mistake. Biting her had been a mistake… but it never would have happened if I hadn't let myself get to know her. Now that I knew her I wouldn't be able to fall out of love with her, but I could stay away from her if it was what was best for her.

"You can't leave!" Alice said. I saw the vision in her head of me driving away from Forks. It quickly shifted into a vision of our entire family leaving town.

"I don't think I can stay," I said. It was a truth that hurt to admit.

"You can," she argued. "She won't blame you."

"Again, do you think that's something that actually matters?"

"I think it does. Bella will be heartbroken if you leave. Doesn't what she wants matter?"

"She isn't exactly the best judge of what's best for her," I said.

"Please. She loves you."

"Bella will love again."

"But what about _you_?"

I would never love again after Bella. No matter what I did, my heart would always belong to her, and we both knew that. "It doesn't matter. It'll be far worse if I kill her than if I have to leave her behind."

"Think about this. You don't need to leave. Just be more careful."

"I'll never be able to give her what she wants," I said. "All this happened because I _couldn't _give her the attention she craves. It won't work to restrain myself, because even if I don't kill her sooner or later she'll need something I can't give her in a relationship. In the end we can't last like this for long."

"There's another option, you know." Alice pictured an image she had once seen as a possible outcome: Bella with bright red eyes and pale white skin. Bella as a newborn.

"No!" I hissed.

"Why not?" Alice asked.

"I won't put her through that!"

"Don't you think she should have a say in that?"

"Of course not! She doesn't know what being a vampire is like."

"Regardless, it's not your decision to make."

"We're _not_ having this conversation."

"I'll only drop it if you promise me you'll think about this." Alice's voice lost its urgent edge. She spoke more softly now, pleadingly. "You don't have to leave."

I sighed. "Fine. I'll think about it."

Alice finally smiled. "Good. Don't scare me like that. I don't want to leave Bella either."

"You wouldn't have to leave with me," I said.

"Don't be stupid. Do you think any of us are going to let you leave on your own?"

I knew they wouldn't. They would want to come with me just like I had always gone with them. I had left towns in which I'd been perfectly comfortable to help them out and I knew they would do the same for me.

I paced around in the forest for a few more minutes despite Alice's insistence that Bella would be okay. Eventually, we decided to move closer to Carlisle, Esme, and Bella so I could hear when it was safe to go back. Since Carlisle wasn't affected by human blood, I paid particular attention to Esme's thoughts, trying to pinpoint the moment when the scent of Bella's open blood faded away. It didn't fade entirely but the exposed blood was scabbing. Alice and I decided it was safe to return, and we ran back to find them.

Bella was asleep in Esme's arms when we returned. I couldn't help but notice that the color had not returned entirely to Bella's face, and her pulse was weakened. She must have lost a lot of blood. I realized that Carlisle and Esme had burned the leaves where Bella had been. Her neck, hair, and hands had been cleaned of any trace of blood. I was thankful for my parents' thoroughness.

"She's sleeping it off," Esme said.

"Her pain killers will keep her asleep for a while."

I nodded lifelessly as I watched Bella sleep. My angel.

"She'll be fine. Take her back home. Once she wakes up make sure she takes one of these every four hours. For the pain."

I put the bottle of pills Carlisle held up in my pocket and took Bella in my arms once again. The relief I experience when I felt her chest rise and fall for myself was immeasurable.

"You did fine, honey," Esme assured. "You handled it well."

"Think about it," Alice said—a reminder of our conversation.

We said our goodbyes and I ran back to Bella's house. It was hard to believe that only an hour had passed since I had come here earlier, worried that Bella was sick. That worry was nothing to what I felt now.

I laid Bella gently in her bed and pulled the covers up around her. I sat in the rocking chair and simply watched her sleep for an hour focused entirely on the fact that she was still breathing, even though I had almost killed her… but I, myself, didn't breathe. I owed her that precaution.

At one point, I heard Alice announce her arrival. She got in Carlisle's car and drove it back home. She was back a couple minutes later. _I'm here if you need me, _she told me. That was what she told me explicitly, but I could hear traces of thoughts that she tried to keep quiet. She was there so she could stop me if I lost control. I was both grateful and ashamed at this realization.

I finally came to a decision after the hour. I would not be waiting in her room when she woke up. For now, at least, I didn't trust myself to be around her any more than I had to be, and I wouldn't be surprised if she would be afraid of me when she regained consciousness. I would stay until Charlie arrived, just to make sure Bella was okay, but then I would hunt and go home.

It was a good thing Bella had told Charlie she was sick. She definitely would seem sick, now, and she wouldn't even have to act.

I fished through her desk and pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and a pen.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I don't think I can forgive myself for it. Words can't convey my regret. I don't trust myself to be there when you wake up, but I won't be far._

_Carlisle left pain killers for you. They're hidden in your nightstand drawer. Take one every four hours. Don't get your stitches wet._

_I love you. Despite everything I've done._

_Forever yours,  
Edward_

I folded the note and wrote Bella's name on the outside. Once again, I placed the note under her covers, where I hoped her father would not discover it. The note I had written that morning lay open on her desk, so I was confident she would find this note, too. Alice's sudden premonition confirmed this.

I placed the bottle of pills in the bedside drawer as I'd said I would. She would be able to reach them without straining her neck, and I was fairly sure Charlie wouldn't snoop through and find the bottle of prescribed medicine.

I grabbed a cup from the kitchen, filled it with water, and placed it on Bella's bedside table. People needed water for their medicine, right?

Again, I took my post in the rocking chair beside Bella's bed. The next few hours passed quickly, but Bella remained asleep. She wasn't sleeping as deeply anymore. The medicine must be wearing off. I heard her groan in her sleep a couple times, and once I heard her mutter, "It's burning!"

I heard Charlie's cruiser pull in at five. I walked over to Bella and rearranged her hair to cover the stitches on her neck. I stroked her cheek, and her face relaxed under my hand. It almost undid me. I almost decided to wait by her side until she woke up, only leaving when Charlie would stop by her room… but I knew it would be best for her if I left now and went hunting. I pulled her covers up around her chin, so as to keep her warmer and to better cover up her neck.

I waited to hear Charlie open and close the front door, and then I was gone.

--

That's the end of this chapter. I had a ridiculously good time writing it so I hope you guys liked reading it equally as much! Plus, I kind of think I wrote this chapter better than most of my previous ones. Overall, I'm really proud of how this one turned out.

If you liked it, review! It'll inspire me to write all the sooner. (I mean, come on, I did write a long, intense chapter. Reviews will really make me VERY happy =D)


	25. Aches

This is coming out much _much_ later than I would have liked. I had a few tests and essays due in my classes, and I had scheduled more participants for my psych lab than usual for a while… so I had a lot on my plate. That's not to mention the short stories I had due for my creative writing class. It was hard to get myself writing more than that, sometimes.

Thanks for being so awesome! Your reviews left me entirely speechless! I may have gotten a little overexcited reading them, haha! My roommate may think I'm crazy…. How could I not? You guys wrote me 23 reviews within the first 10 hours my post was up alone!

Anyway, here is the next chapter. I hope you like it!

I don't own Twilight… and that won't change no matter how often I wish I did.

--

BPOV

My dreams were dark and twisted, but I could not make sense of them. Meaningless shapes passed in front of my eyes and then faded into the black backdrop that dominated my vision, but even in my dreams I couldn't understand what was around me. The unifying theme of my dreams—and the only part that was unmistakable—was a dull, throbbing pain in my neck. I couldn't tell what it was or why it was there, but it stalked me as I slept. I couldn't escape it.

When the darkness lifted and my room finally fell back into focus, the pain didn't go away. I rolled over in my bed, expecting in my post-sleep stupor that it was just a remnant of my dreams and would go away in a couple seconds, but instead a stabbing pain shot through my neck.

What the…?

Slowly, the events from earlier came back to me. I vaguely remembered trees flying by and a bunch of leaves. Something glittering… the smell of smoke… but mainly I remembered the pain. It had easily been a hundredfold worse than anything I'd ever experienced, maybe more. Suddenly, I remembered exactly what had caused my bizarre memories.

Holy crow! Edward bit me!

"Edward!" I said and sat up in bed to look around, but immediately let my back fall against my bed again. I inhaled sharply. The sudden movement had hurt, and now my neck was throbbing more intensely than before. I brushed my fingers along my neck. Something felt prickly and sharp—the stitches, most likely—form two half circles. It was rough, uncomfortable, and already starting to itch.

"Edward?" I called out again, glancing around my room from my bed. Where was he? If he was anywhere nearby he would have shown up once he'd heard me wake up.

There wasn't much light coming into my room, and I could see the shadows directly outside my window were getting longer. It must be getting late. Charlie must be back from work already. How long had I been asleep?

I wasn't sure if Charlie be worried that I'd been asleep this whole time, so I figured I should give him some sort of show that I was still alive. I was almost positive my bathrobe was plush enough to cover the stitches, but with my hair in the way I knew I'd be able to manage it. I slid my legs over to the edge of my bed, and they came in contact with something small and light. Another note from Edward.

My heart thudded in my chest as I reached under my sheets and pulled it out. I needed to hear from him. He was just chivalrous enough to convince himself to stay away from me. He'd done it before, and knowing that terrified me.

My hands were quivering in anticipation as I unfolded the letter Edward had written.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I don't think I can forgive myself for it. Words can't convey my regret. I don't trust myself to be there when you wake up, but I won't be far._

_Carlisle left pain killers for you. They're hidden in your nightstand drawer. Take one every four hours. Don't get your stitches wet._

_I love you. Despite everything I've done._

_Forever yours,  
Edward_

He wasn't here. Where was he?

Something about the letter bothered me. Edward hadn't said that he was leaving me, but something was different. I could feel some change that had been made in Edward, as though something inside him had broken down. But what?

I eased myself out of bed and grabbed the keys to my truck off the table by my bed. I had no idea what I planned on doing, but I knew I needed to act somehow. I could go to the Cullens' house. Maybe Edward would be there and I could talk to him about this. If only I could see him, I would know this would be alright.

"You shouldn't be moving like that."

I jumped and dropped my keys to the floor. "Gah! Alice, don't do that!" She was sitting at the foot of my bed, her legs crossed and watching me intently. She had appeared out of nowhere, but her posture fit that of someone who had been sitting there for at least fifteen minutes.

"Sorry," she said. "I've been watching over you to make sure you don't do what you're trying to do right now."

"Under Edward's orders?"

"No, under my own."

"Well I need to talk to him," I said. I bent down to the floor to pick up my keys. It was hard to do without feeling an uncomfortable tug in my neck. "Thanks for keeping an eye out for me, but I'll be fine from here."

"You really shouldn't be going."

"Maybe not, but this is important."

"If you try to leave you won't get very far," Alice said, her voice never deviating from her up-beat tone. "I'm stronger than you, so you may as well come back to bed."

I weighed my chances of getting to my truck and decided that they weren't good. I dropped my keys back on the table and climbed in bed, but not without making a point of huffing out to show my annoyance. This was ridiculous. I didn't need Alice babysitting me, and I couldn't get over the feeling that I needed to talk to Edward immediately.

"He's not home, anyway," Alice said once I had grudgingly pulled the covers back up over my legs.

"He's not?" I asked, suddenly worried. "Where is he?" Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he had left.

Alice hesitated for the shortest period of time. It wouldn't have bothered me in a human, but I knew that vampire reflexes were much faster than my own.

"Edward went hunting."

"When is he coming back?" I asked.

"It might be a little bit, Bella," Alice said. I felt like we were getting closer to the real matter.

"What do you mean by 'a little bit'?"

"Oh Bella, Edward is really torn up right now," Alice admitted. Her protective guard came down for a moment and I saw just how concerned she was for him, too. She left her spot at the foot of the bed and scooted closer to me. Her eyes were cautious. "He's being really hard on himself. He'll be fine, but he needs to sort this out a little on his own, first. He's feeling really ashamed right now."

"But he will come back?"

"I think he should," Alice said. She paused for a moment, most likely to look into the future. "He plans on it. I'm not sure if he'll be back tonight or not, though."

I was glad to hear that he would be back, but Alice wasn't nearly as certain as I would have liked. If there was any doubt at all, that was not a good sign.

Alice eyed the glass of water by my bed. "You haven't taken your pain killers, have you?" she asked.

"Not yet," I said. "I just woke up a minute before you got here."

Alice flitted over to my table and pulled out the bottle of prescribed medication. She popped the lid off and dropped a pale pink pill into the palm of my hand. "If you don't take these Edward's going to take it out on me."

Alice stayed around for a little while after I took the medication, but it wasn't long before it made me groggy once again. Within twenty minutes I had fallen back asleep.

--

The throb in my neck woke me up again at some point that night. I took another pill, and once more fell asleep nearly instantly. My dreams were clearer, now. In one dream, Edward bit me, and just as the burn started to make its way through my blood he turned into a bat and flew out the window into the noontime sun. His tiny black body sparkled as he disappeared into the trees.

I woke up again around nine in the morning. Charlie had waited to go to work until I had gotten up. He let me know that he called Forks High School again to let them know I was still sick, told me to call him at his office if I needed anything, and left again.

There was very little to do once Charlie left. I put my medicine away in the drawer, deciding that I would rather be awake through the pain than fall back asleep. Besides, I wanted to make sure that I was awake when school got out. If I didn't hear from Edward after that, I didn't care what he or Alice thought—I would drive over to talk to Edward myself. I hadn't seen him since he had bitten me, and it made me anxious. I hadn't gone this long without seeing Edward in a few weeks.

Eventually, I pulled out my tattered copy of _Jane Eyre_. I almost stopped reading when I remembered that Mr. Rochester's first name was Edward, but I kept reading, anyway. I wanted to be reminded of him, and besides, I knew that name popped up all the time in the classics. Edward was simply unavoidable.

Once 3:30 rolled around I started paying less attention to reading. I kept glancing up, hoping that I would see a messy head of bronze hair materialize in my window. At 3:40, it finally did.

As soon as I saw Edward's flawless, angular face and his light butterscotch eyes I smiled. Alice had been right. He came back to me. "How good of you to stop by," I said, joking.

It was at this point that I realized just how hardened Edward's face was. It looked more like stone than usual. There was no anger, worry, or concern, but nor was there anything else. His face was blank.

"How is your neck?" he asked. He stood in the middle of the room, not joining me on my bed or even taking a seat in the rocking chair.

_Calm down. Vampires don't need to sit_, I reminded myself. Still, I couldn't forget that lately Edward had used any chance he got to touch me, even if that only meant having our elbows touch during biology.

"It's a little sore," I admitted, "but better."

"You're not taking your pain meds." His tone was disapproving.

"No. I'm not."

"Might I ask why?"

"They just put me to sleep. It was getting annoying."

"You should have taken them," he said. "They'll make you feel better."

"Maybe I should, but I didn't want to risk being asleep when you finally came to see me."

Edward just looked at me. Why wouldn't he join me? Something was running through his head, I could tell.

"I brought you your homework," he said, changing the subject. Edward slipped his bag off his shoulder and pulled out a small stack of papers and set them down on my desk.

"Thanks."

Edward finally showed some sign of life and smiled. It didn't quite reach his eyes, but I was glad for anything. I patted the spot on my bed next to me, and I tried to hide my disappointment when Edward instead sat at the foot of my bed.

"Do you mind if I acknowledge the elephant in the room?" I asked, unable to take the stiff atmosphere anymore.

Edward sighed and looked downwards. "I am so sorry."

"Edward. It's okay."

"It really isn't," he said. "I could have killed you."

"But you didn't. I'm alright. So I had to get a few stitches… it's nothing I haven't dealt with before."

"I don't doubt that." Edward laughed, but it wasn't carefree like it used to be. It had a hard edge to it.

"I don't see what the problem is. It was an accident."

"The problem is that _I_ am the one that hurt you. When I think about what I could have done to you…" Edward looked up to me and his eyes burned into mine. For the briefest moment I saw his face twist in agony. Before I could be positive I'd seen it, it was gone. His forehead was as smooth and line-free as ever.

"I'm going to be fine, though," I said. "I'm going to make a full recovery."

"You will this time." Edward leaned closer as he gingerly moved my hair away from my shoulder to show his bite mark. "This," he said, "was exactly what I'd been trying not to do. I told myself that if I was careful I could handle it. That I could be with you. I couldn't have proven myself more wrong." Edward dropped his hand. If it was possible, I would swear that my shoulder felt colder now that his hand was gone.

My heartbeat sputtered and then sped up in my chest. I was positive Edward could hear it.

"What exactly are you saying?" I asked. I could barely get my voice to cooperate with me.

"Your fear of me... rather your fear of being _with _me kept you safe before. That doesn't apply anymore. I should have ended this when I noticed that dating me had stopped scaring you. I knew I should have stopped this, but I didn't."

"Edward—" My words were getting caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe.

"Please listen," he begged. "I let myself believe that since I hadn't hurt you yet, it was safe. I let myself believe what I wanted to believe and look what happened! I could have killed you! How can I stay when I know that you almost died just for knowing me? I can't do that, Bella."

"Well, I've known the risks of being with you this whole time. It's a chance I'm willing to take."

"I'm not. I won't be the monster that puts you in danger. Not anymore."

I maneuvered onto my knees to move closer to Edward, but he leaned away. It would have hurt less if he had slapped me.

"Edward, please—"

"You can't make me stay." His voice was harsh and full of finality.

I was suddenly aware of how my eyes stung. It felt like someone had dropped a 25 pound weight on my chest.

"So, what, you're leaving?" I asked. I hated the way my voice betrayed me. It caught on my words.

"I have to." I wanted to hide from Edward's gaze. His face showed no emotion, but watched me unwaveringly.

"If this is because you think I'm mad at you, I'm not. I forgive you." It was a weak argument. I was gripping at straws hoping to find something, anything I could say to stop him, or at least keep him with me longer.

"I can't forgive myself," he said. "Especially not if I let myself stay after what I've done."

"But you can forgive yourself for breaking my heart?" My voice broke despite my best efforts to hold myself together. One tear escaped down my cheek, and another followed soon after. I wiped them away with the back of my hand. Edward's careful façade broke, and this time he didn't try to regain it. His eyes were soft and pained. His expression was anguished.

"If it means you'll be safe. Yes. You deserve to live a long, healthy life, and you can't do that with me around."

"I don't want a long, healthy life if you're not in it," I said, my words shaking as they came out. Another tear.

"Don't ever say that!"

A full sob shook my body and I looked away from Edward. I regretted it immediately, because I didn't know if I would see him again after that day and I wanted to spend every last moment I could memorizing his face… but I couldn't meet his eyes.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward reach a hand out towards me, but he pulled it back. "I'm sorry," he said. He sounded defeated. "I'm doing this for you."

--

That was much harder to write than I thought it would be. I'm starting to understand how Stephenie said she cried when she wrote Edward leaving.

**I hereby promise** that Edward will return and that I will write through it all. I won't stop this fanfiction. Other things in my life my prevent me from posting as soon as I'd like, but I WILL finish this.

**I also promise** you that Edward won't be gone as long as he was in New Moon because, well, let's face it, we need our Edward! I'm not going to carry out the Edwardlessness for chapter upon chapter upon chapter.

I'll be going on spring break next week, and I'll try to get a chapter up during that week. It's hard to say if I'll get the chance since I'll be vacationing with some friends at the beach. I don't know how much time I'll get to spend on my computer. I'll post as soon as I can! Reviews are greatly greatly appreciated, and I'll be much more likely to get myself writing over spring break if I get reviews!

My Twilight roleplay is going pretty well, but it's still early enough that you can join if you are interested. Things are just starting to get good! We have something of a murder mystery going right now. We have more original character than canons, so that means that it should be fairly easy to find something for characters to do. We've also got lot of Stephenie's characters still available. Edward, Bella, Alice, and maybe Emmett are taken, but everyone else is still up for grabs.

I've got the link posted in my profile, and if you have any questions I'm more than happy to answer them!


	26. One Step at a Time

A special thanks to everyone who kept asking me to post! I really did appreciate the support.

I do apologize for waiting this long to get this out, but I swear I'm going to keep the promises I've made to you guys! I've got a little non-Twilight something at the end of the chapter for you guys to check out if you want, though.

No matter what I dream, I don't own Twilight. That's all Stephenie.

--

BPOV

I don't know what's worse, that Edward was gone from my room before I was ready for it—although no matter what the case I could never have been ready—or that he left before I'd ever gained the strength to look back up at him. I didn't have that one last image of him to keep with me, but maybe that was a blessing in disguise. I'm not sure how I would have handled having that tortured expression seared in my mind.

At first, I ran over to my window and stuck my head out, hoping ridiculously that I would catch a brief glimpse of him before he made it out of eyesight. I knew better, though. Edward was much faster than that. By the time I looked out my window, he was already probably a quarter of the way back home. That was when it hit me.

Edward was gone.

My knees never felt so weak before. They could not have supported my weight even if I lost a couple limbs and all my internal organs. It felt like I had. I collapsed on the ground and hit my head against the windowsill on the way down, but I barely felt it. The only thing I felt was this deep, sickening sensation in my chest. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out through my throat. Maybe Edward had.

I stayed on the floor, dazed and not trying to get myself off the floor. I was barely aware of the feeling of water pooling along the bridge of my nose and along my hairline. They must have been tears.

I heard footsteps run up the stairs and suddenly Charlie was in my room by my door.

"Bella!"

I had enough sense to make sure that the bite mark on my neck was covered. As I reached up to rub the place where my head had hit, I brushed some of my hair to cover it up.

"What were you doing out of bed?" he asked as he knelt down beside me and grabbed me around my waist and under my elbow and picked me up off the ground. "You should have called for me, Bells."

I couldn't find my voice. Edward must have taken that, too.

"Are you hurt? Is your head sore?" He led me back to my bed and eased me down.

I shook my head 'no.' The only thing that was sore was the empty space where my heart used to be.

"If you're really this sick maybe I should take you down to the hospital..."

The idea of Carlisle immediately lit something in me. It might have been hope, but whatever it was it gave me strength. If I could talk to Carlisle, maybe I could get him to talk to Edward for me. I knew it was a long shot that I could get Edward to change his mind, but somehow I knew that Carlisle would be my best chance.

Charlie helped me into his cruiser and drove us to the hospital. If I still had a heart, it would probably be speeding up. My knees were jumping up and down the entire ride and for the first time in a while I found myself getting anxious. What was I going to say to Carlisle that would possibly do anything? I had no idea what I would say or ask, but I had the strange feeling that with every passing moment, my chances of fixing this were shrinking.

I got checked into the hospital and one of the hospital staff led me into a waiting room. My hands started shaking, so I started taking deep breaths and sat with my hands wedged under my legs. It didn't really help.

When the doctor came in I took it as a bad omen that he was in his mid forties with graying black hair. I didn't pay attention when he introduced himself; this was not the doctor I had wanted. He started asking me questions about how I was feeling, and since I wasn't really sick I lied and gave him a list of common symptoms: dizziness, headache, fatigue, upset stomach, anything he couldn't really check for. He took out his stethoscope and listened to my heart. According to him it was still there. He clearly needed to get his hearing checked.

"Do you know if Dr. Cullen is here today?" I asked as he turned to his clipboard and jotted down his observations.

"I'm sorry he's not. He turned in his resignation yesterday evening."

"He did?" Charlie asked. He looked over at me, as though he was putting together pieces of a puzzle. "Why'd he do that?"

The doctor shrugged his shoulders and set the board down. "Not sure. Word around here is that the whole family's moving out. Things have been really busy around here since he left, though. No one knows how Dr. Cullen did so much."

"Did he say where he's going?" I asked, but I was already losing myself. I had to focus everything in me to stay in the room and hear the response. The walls seemed to be slipping away.

The doctor shook his head. "He just said that they were going to move closer to some family. I don't know where that'd be."

--

Four weeks passed. I'm not sure where they went and it really didn't matter to me. I spent most of my time locked in my bedroom, and Charlie didn't know how to handle it. He would knock on my door, ask if he could give me something, and beg for me to come out. Occasionally he would threaten to call Renee, but it didn't bother me. I got a few worried emails from her, and I always wrote back that I was fine. That I'd had my heart broken but that I would recover. I just wanted to calm her down.

I knew that almost everything I told my mother was a lie. The truth was that I'd only known Edward for a very short time. I'd only known Edward for two months when he left. I hadn't been officially dating him for more than a couple weeks, but it changed everything.

Edward had become everything to me. He was the first guy I'd ever been comfortable with. I hadn't even known that would be possible. For years, I had been positive that there was something wrong with me, and that it would keep me from ever falling in love with anyone. After all, how was I supposed to date when I couldn't talk to guys?

What if I needed a guy with the patience that could only be obtained after 108 years of existence? Or what if I needed someone who had to proceed just as cautiously as I do? What if in order to be able to fall in love, it had to be with someone who had an instinct to kill me?

I knew I was being ridiculous on some level. Of course I was, but it didn't stop one the greatest fears I've ever known from rising in me: what if now that Edward was gone I would never find anyone else? There wasn't anyone else like Edward. Not even close. It was as though he was exactly what I needed in a guy. Where else would I find someone who was as caring, understanding, and patient? Where would I find a guy who would be genuinely _glad_ if I ducked out of a kiss? Nowhere. Edward was one of a kind. He changed everything I thought I had known. I knew I would never find anyone like him again.

And he was gone.

Those first weeks without Edward were particularly hard. Mike didn't try to hide how pleased he was that the Cullens had left. Jessica, on the other hand, seemed to be sorry that Edward was gone, but I doubted it was because she truly felt bad for me. Judging by the way she made more of an effort to smile and laugh around Mike, I would say that she was worried that he would start pursuing me once again.

I didn't want her to feel sorry for me, anyway. I didn't want that sort of attention. I was much happier sulking on my own—out of the spotlight.

Angela was the one person who seemed to understand. She asked me if I wanted to talk about it once. I'd told her that I really didn't want to quite yet and she hadn't asked me about Edward since. Occasionally, if I tore myself away from a crowd I would catch a concerned expression on her face and she would find me later to see if I was okay.

I could function well enough on most days. It was easiest when I tried to keep myself busy. If I could keep myself from thinking about Edward, his absence got to me less. It was difficult to do this, though, when a large part of me wanted to think about him. I wanted to think about how gently he would stroke a finger down my cheek and how sweet his breath smelled. The way his voice rang when he said my name.

The days trudged by, and I reached the second week of March. I wasn't having an altogether bad day. Mike was slowly picking up his old routine, following me loyally between classes. I was relieved when I managed to walk to lunch sans my golden retriever friend. Both he and Angela headed for biology with me after lunch. I didn't notice immediately the fliers that had gone up during our lunch period.

"Oh, look," Angela said, motioning towards a neon yellow piece of paper posted by the cafeteria door. "I'd almost forgotten about the dance."

The paper had the words "Spring Dance" printed across the top in large, bold letters. Someone had drawn flowers and butterflies scattered around the next four lines.

_March twenty-second_

_8:00-11:00 pm  
Semi formal_

_Ladies' choice_

My heart thumped in my chest. Not because I neither could nor liked to dance. Not because it meant dressing up in the sorts of clothes that I seldom wear by choice. Not because I was already anticipating that Mike would be making himself increasingly available in the two weeks leading up to the dance.

_"I'd ask you to the spring dance, but I believe it's ladies' choice."_

"_That's not a problem. I'd be holding you the whole time. You wouldn't have the chance to fall."_

I heard Edward's words as clearly as though he were right beside me. I stood rooted by the door, staring at the offending piece of paper that had reminded me how Edward had wanted to take me to the dance. I had insisted I didn't want to go. I would take that all back if I knew it meant he would come back to Forks.

"Bella." Mike was calling my name, though it seemed distant. I barely registered his voice, but it jarred me back to reality. I blinked a few times and focused back on my two friends. They wore matching expressions on their faces.

"Hey," Angela said. Her tone was concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am," I said, forcing myself to smile. The worry melted off Mike's face, but Angela studied me a moment longer. I knew she wasn't convinced. Mike jumped back into discussing possible plans for the weekend that I knew I would only attend to keep up a façade rather than because it appealed to me.

I felt Angela's eyes flicker over towards me more often than usual for the rest of the walk to biology. I made sure to send a reassuring smile her way before I took my usual seat at the table near the back of the room.

Mr. Banner might have been talking about fungi or root apexes. I really don't know. Once something reminds me of _him_ I lose myself for at least half an hour. I sat at the table, closing my eyes occasionally and imagining that Edward was sitting next to me, just a couple inches away. I let myself believe that if I moved my elbow a bit to the side it would come in contact with something cold and hard. In my head, Edward was looking over at me, trying to figure out what I was thinking. Once the bell rang I could no longer live in my fantasy. Edward was still gone. He wasn't coming back.

I grabbed my books and headed for the door, where Mike was already waiting dutifully. He was smiling more brightly than the neon yellow dance fliers posted around the school. And so it begins.

I glanced around the room for Angela, who was picking a fallen notebook off the floor to put off inevitably joining Mike. I slowed down and kept my eyes on her, but eventually I had to admit to myself that I couldn't slow down anymore without looking like I was avoiding him.

Okay, so I was avoiding him, but I didn't want him to know that.

"Hey," he said as I turned to him once more, "you ready for gym?"

"Not even," I said.

Mike kept smiling anyway. "But we're done with volleyball today," he added helpfully.

"On to the next form of torture."

"Oh, it won't be so bad." Mike seemed hopeful that I would eventually find a sport that didn't put the whole class in danger. "Want me to carry your books?"

My breath caught. This was a step up for Mike. He hadn't tried anything like this since before I started seeing Edward. "It's fine," I said, "I can carry my own books."

"Alright, just offering." Mike's smile dimmed subtly, and with it my guilt grew.

"Actually," Angela said, stepping in next to me with her notebook in hand, "do you mind if I talk to Bella? Alone."

"Sure," Mike said, rebounding and turning to me. "I'll see you in gym."

Angela walked with me out of biology, and once Mike was out of hearing she stopped us.

"You still miss Edward," she said. She wasn't saying it as a question, but rather as an explanation for my behavior since I saw the fliers. It turns out someone had been watching me during class and trying to figure out my thoughts… only it wasn't the person I wished it was.

"Yeah, I do." The phantom heart in my chest thudded.

"I'm starting to get worried, Bella. This isn't good for you."

I guess she wasn't going to give me space about this anymore. "I know," I said.  
"I'll be fine, though."

"Will you? I know Edward was important to you, but you didn't know him more than a couple months and you still can't let him go."

I sighed and looked away from Angela's probing gaze. She picked up on this and looked downward. "I'm sorry," she said.

"It's okay," I said. "I guess it's just hard for me with my history of—well you know," I said, referring to social anxiety disorder. Angela nodded to show she understood. "I just can't believe I can find someone else I'll be comfortable with."

Actually, that was only part of the issue, but Angela could never fully understand the pull Edward had on me. How could she? The relationship I had with Edward felt mythological in itself.

"Maybe, then, you should think about finding someone to talk to again," she said, her voice even softer as though she were afraid to suggest it.

"I don't think therapy will help me right now." If I mentioned what I really wanted to talk about I'd be diagnosed with a major case of schizophrenia as well. Just what I needed.

"Really, though, it's got to be better than what you're doing now."

"I'm not promising I'll do anything, but I'll think about it, okay?"

"I guess that's all I can ask."

When Angela and I parted ways, I was left with something other than Edward to think about. I couldn't be sure if Angela was right. Maybe I couldn't talk about the heart of my problems, but maybe I did have a few issues that needed to be dealt with. I had to face the possibility that I would never see Edward again. Even if I ever got over him I wasn't sure if I'd ever had the courage to enter a relationship with another guy. But would going to a therapist mean that I've given up on Edward? I don't think I ever could do that.

--

A/N

I hope you liked the chapter! I know it was kind of sad, but I'm starting to lead us up to something more exciting. Please review! I love me some reviews, haha

I just want to say that I'm not at all saying that Bella (or rather, anyone else with social anxiety disorder/social phobia) couldn't possibly fall in love with anyone else and that her only chance would be with someone completely supernatural, but having lost someone like Edward it is easy for her to think that way. It certainly was easier for her when she was paired with someone in Edward's situation. Bella would eventually find someone someday if Edward were to stay away… not that I would ever pair Bella with anyone other than Edward =)

I'll get working on my next chapter later on today. I don't know when I'll get the next one up, but I'm hoping to get one up within half a week.

Thanks for being awesome readers!

~Mel


	27. AN Update soon! Please read!

Hey guys, I'm sorry I was so long writing more of this story. I made a promise to finish this story and I still intend to keep it, but a number of things got in the way:

-I ended up doing a senior honors thesis in psychology, which was by far the most difficult and time consuming thing I've ever done in my entire education to date. A full year later, I'm finally done with it. That is my main reason for falling behind. By the time I was done with experiments, meetings, and whatever else, I had to choose between a social life or this story, so I'm sorry this had to take the back burner for a while.

-It also didn't help that within 12 months I was diagnosed with both mono and Lyme disease (yeah, I wish I was kidding). The latter was treated early enough, so as far as I know I'm healthy again.

The good news is that for the first time in… ever… I do not have any classes. No homework. No tests. No papers. No thesis! I do still have a part-time job in my lab, though. My point is that I have more free time than I've ever had during the school year since maybe kindergarten.

I also got a little re-inspired when I went back and read through all I've written here. I also saw that people were still reading my story, which made me happy. I hope you guys will give this story another shot.

I am currently working on my next chapter, **which I'm hoping will be done and posted tomorrow**. **It may take a day longer** because, to make sure I finish this, I've been working on outlining in detail what I want to happen from where I left off. I've got the basics, but I'm trying to be pretty thorough.

Thank you so much for sticking with me.

~Melissa


	28. Ladies' Choice

A/N

Sorry if you got two alerts for this story. I had a few issues with getting this story posted.

I hope you read my note, but if you haven't it explains part of my absence. It's nice to be back and writing something that isn't so… academic! I hope you like my newest chapter!

I do not own Twilight or anything affiliated with it. That would be Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

BPOV

"Bella!"

On Friday I had been looking through my backpack for my gloves when I heard my name. I looked up and saw Mike jog up to me and shove his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing really," he said. "How'd your essay turn out?"

I was mildly surprised the Mike was asking about my English essay—he'd never cared enough about that class to talk about it—until I remembered that the fliers for the girls' choice spring dance had just gone up and the dance was just over two weeks away.

"Alright I think. I managed to write a lot but we'll see what Mr. Mason thinks of it."

Mike smiled. "Oh, I'm sure he'll love it. At the very least he'll love it more than mine."

"You always seem so sure of that."

"That's because I've used Sparknotes for everything we've read. You've probably read everything we've been assigned, right?"

"Yeah. Are you serious, you didn't read any of it?"

"Not a word." Mike flashed me a grin and leaned his back against my truck. "Probably not the best route to take, but unless I start getting Cs I see no reason to change it."

"To each their own, I guess."

There was a brief silence when Mike looked at me and then looked away.

"So you think you're going to go to the spring dance?" Mike asked. It was exactly the topic I was hoping to avoid.

"I haven't really thought about it." I was lying, but I would rather brush it off and hope Mike would leave me alone about it than tell him I had no intentions of going with him.

"I bet it'll be fun. I mean, it's a school dance so it'll probably be pretty tame but if you're there with the right people I bet even you will enjoy yourself."

"I'm not sure the whole dancing thing will really work for me."

"Come on, it's not so hard. You just need someone who's good at leading."

Mike's hints were my cue to go to class. I shouldered my bag and headed towards the English building. I wasn't surprised when Mike kept up with me, walking beside me.

I had wanted to wait for Angela to get there before going but sitting around listening to Mike talk about the dance was making me uncomfortable. Not counting how difficult it would be to dance without embarrassing myself, there was no way I would be able to dance with another guy. Imagining being that close to someone with his arm around my waist was not my thing. There was only one guy out there I could do that with without freaking out, and he was gone.

"Maybe I would be able to teach you a little, I have a cousin who taught me how to waltz."

"I don't know, I'm not sure the dance is my thing."

I was glad to leave Mike behind when I reached English, but then the issue was how to deal with Eric, who sat up a little straighter when I walked in the room. I took my seat and pulled out my essay, pretending to be reading through it one more time before class to check for mistakes. It worked well enough. I was not bothered by anyone before Mr. Mason started his lecture and asked us to turn in our essays.

After we'd been dismissed, however, I had to put my books and notes away before I could leave. That gave Eric enough time to reach me first.

"Hey Bella," he said.

"Sorry, I can't really talk," I said, cutting him off before he could launch us into the same discussion I'd just had with Mike. "I've got to run to class. I need to talk to Mr. Jefferson."

"Alright, see you at lunch?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure." I got up from my seat glad that I had managed to dodge him for the time being, but knowing it wouldn't be the last time I would see him that day.

By the time lunch came around I wasn't sure how I would be able to avoid Mike and Eric. The dance was the main thing anyone wanted to talk about, and I immediately found out that Angela had wasted no time in asking Ben to go with her.

"Honestly I probably would have asked her out if she hadn't right then," Ben said. "Who cares if it's ladies' choice? Sometimes a man has to do what's in his best interest."

Angela rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face showed what she really thought of him. "Yes, what a man."

I personally wish Ben hadn't made that remark. That was the last idea I wanted planted in Mike and Eric's heads.

"We need to go dress shopping really soon," Angela said. "Bella, are you free this weekend?"

"I am, but I'm not sure if I'm going to the dance or not."

"Really?" Eric asked.

"I just don't know if it's my thing."

"You just have to go with the right person," he said. The déjà vu made me seriously consider leaving lunch a few minutes early.

"Well either way, I can at least help you pick something out," I told Angela, pretending not to have made much notice of Eric's suggestion.

"Okay, good, because I need your opinion."

This time when I walked to biology from lunch Mike didn't try to keep up with Angela and me. Instead, he and Eric hung back, discussing something. I didn't care what it was about, I was just glad that they weren't dropping more hints on me.

At least, I was glad of that until school was over for the day and I was ready to go home. Mike walked with me to my truck, where Eric was already waiting for us.

"Really, man?" Mike said, questioning Eric.

"Really. I say we do this now so Bella knows her options."

"Wait, what?" I asked, although I had a feeling I knew where this was leading.

"We both want to take you to the dance," Eric said.

"Yeah, and we know it's technically ladies' choice-" Mike said.

"It still is, we're letting her choose between us, aren't we?"

"Okay, hold on," I said. Mike and Eric were staring each other down, which was ridiculous. These guys were friends. "Who's saying I'm going with either of you? I never said I was going."

"You can't not go to the spring dance," Eric said.

"This is pointless, I can't—" I sighed. "I can't do this. I don't have it in me and honestly I don't want to go with anyone."

"Bella—"

"Please don't," I said, feeling my throat start to tighten up. My words came out soft and slightly choked. "Please."

"Wow, sorry," Mike said. His brow was raised, surprised by my sudden strong reaction. I wished I'd realized earlier that threatening tears was the easiest way to scare off a guy.

"It's okay, just please drop it."

"Hey, no worries," Eric said. "You won't hear more about it from me."

After school got out Angela and I went to my house to get a head start on our homework. The plan was to get it out of the way so we wouldn't have to worry about it when we went to Port Angeles the next day. We spread our biology notes out on my bed so we could outline our lab write-up. We worked in relative silence, speaking up occasionally to ask a question. After a longer stretch of quiet, Angela dropped her pencil with a distracted smile.

"I can't believe I did it!" she said. I couldn't help but notice that she couldn't have gotten much further than she'd been ten minutes ago. "I can't believe I actually asked him out!" Her smile grew wider as she shook her head, astonished.

"I knew you'd do it," I said. I closed my paper in my textbook, deciding to use this as an excuse to take a quick break. "You had to know he liked you, too. If it weren't obvious before, lunch today definitely got the point across."

"I know, I mean, I knew he liked me but that blew me away."

"I know, it's exciting. I'm kind of proud of you, you took the initiative. Girl power. That's not something I'd be able to do." That's what my problem was. One of the reasons that Edward and I worked was because he had been the one to make the first move.

"I don't believe that," Angela said, following my lead and setting her work aside.

"Maybe someday." I shrugged my shoulders, but I wasn't too hopeful. My history wasn't exactly in my favor.

"You are getting better, you know," Angela said. She dropped a binder on my floor so she could lean against a pillow. "I can see a difference since you started school here. But that might be partially because of…" She didn't finish her statement, but I could tell by the way she arched her eyebrows that she was talking about Edward. I sighed.

"I think that him not being here is not enough of a reason not to go to the dance. I really wish you'd consider going,"

"So do Eric and Mike."

"Yeah, but I'm not head over heels for you."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, but I'm still not going"

"You don't even have to dance there. People are going to be sitting around and hanging out, too."

"That's true" I said, despite how reluctant as I was to admit it.

"Plus you can get to know Ben a little better, too. I think you'd like him, he's really sweet, _and _I really want my friend to be there."

I was starting to feel like Angela was right, and that just was not good. I was running out of reasons not to go that other people would be satisfied with.

"Well I don't have a dress," I said.

"I don't either, that's why I wanted to go dress shopping. Actually I guess I already have something I could wear but it's kind of out of style now."

I lied back and shut my eyes. Despite all my efforts she was talking me into going to this thing. "If I go, and that's still a big if, I guess I'd have to go shopping too." I had to make it clear that just because I may go shopping with her did not mean I'd necessarily changed my mind. I wanted the option to back out if I absolutely needed to.

"So you don't already have something you can use?" she asked, sitting up.

"I don't really wear dresses."

"Really?" Angela pushed herself off my bed and opened my closet door, stepping inside. I could hear her sift through my clothes and my hangers sliding across the bar in my closet.

"I've never had any reason to wear one."

"What about this?"

Angela stepped out carrying a blue dress with black trimmings, still in its dress bag. I hadn't even thought about that dress since Edward had left, and if I were honest with myself I had forgotten about it. Maybe I had been protecting myself from reminders of Edward, or maybe it was because I hadn't ever really embraced the idea of going to the spring formal. Regardless of _why_ I'd forgotten about it, my reaction was all the same. I felt a pressure deep inside my chest as though something was compressing my heart, squeezing it into nothingness.

_Edward._

"What's wrong?" Angela had lowered the dress and had lost the determined look on her face.

"Alice gave me that dress," I said. "I was supposed to wear that to the dance back when I thought I'd be going with Edward."

"Oh… well you can still wear it if you want."

I shook my head. "I can't wear that dress. You can take it."

"I can't take your dress. It's yours."

"I'm never going to wear it anyway. Someone might as well wear it." It would be too much of a reminder of Edward. If I wore it to the dance I'd be in a worse mood than I would be otherwise.

Angela held the dress out in front of herself, inspecting it. She must have been considering my offer, but decided against it because she sighed and draped it over her arm. "It would just feel so wrong."

"Yeah, well… then I guess we both need a dress."

"I guess so," Angela said. She went back into my closet and hung the offending dress back up, thankfully out of sight. "When are you free to go to Port Angeles tomorrow?"

"Anytime. I'll just have to double check with Charlie."

"Okay, how about I come pick you up at 1?"

"Sure."

Angela picked me up at 1:00 the next day, as promised. The weather was starting to warm up, so we drove the whole way with our windows down. I was still a little chilly, but I just had to accept that even once it was summer it would never be as warm in the Olympic Peninsula as it was in Arizona. I still enjoyed the ride, watching the scenery as we drove.

We only spent two hours in Port Angeles. Angela bought a light pink silk dress with an empire waist. She also found a simple teal dress with a few layers in the skirt. I'm not sure how she did it but she convinced me to try it on. As far as dresses go, it wasn't bad. I could actually see myself wearing it. One moment of weakness was all it took for Angela to convince me to buy it for the dance. I still wasn't convinced that I should be going to the dance, but once I handed over my money I figured it was a done deal. I might as well not waste it.

After we made our purchases we stopped at a little Italian restaurant where we bought drinks and split an appetizer. Believe it or not I had had a good time dress shopping with Angela.

On the car ride home my mind wandered from the upcoming dance, to school, and inevitably to Edward. It was ridiculous how my mind kept going back to him despite my strongest efforts, but I'd accepted long ago that he was undeniable. His magnetism was what had drawn me in in the first place, and now it kept me from ever going long without thinking about him. I didn't think that would ever change, but I was glad I had someone like Angela to help keep me distracted.

"Thanks," I said, earnest. "I feel like getting out like this makes it a little easier for me."

Angela peeled her eyes off the road for a moment to smile at me. "I'm glad. I get worried sometimes that you can't move past this."

I was worried, too. I knew why I couldn't forget him, and I had a feeling Angela would be a lot more worried if she knew, too. It was because Edward, as well as my relationship with him, was supernatural.

"It's strange," I said. "I still feel like I'm clinging on to the possibility that he'll come back."

"Have you talked to him at all?"

I shook my head. "I can't reach him. I'm not sure he wants me to." To be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to him, either. It would just make it harder to know that he wasn't coming back. I might have no sense of self-preservation, as Edward would say, but I didn't want to think that I was such a masochist. Or at least I was trying really hard not to be one. At the same time, the one thing I wanted to do more than anything else was hear his voice. That was why I kept Edwards last two notes to me in my nightstand drawer. I still read them a few times a week before going to bed.

* * *

A/N

That's it! I hope you guys liked it! I'll try to get writing so I can put up another chapter in a couple days. It really would mean a lot to me if you would review this chapter, so please select that option from the drop menu and hit go. I want to know if you guys are still happy with my story.

Thank you all!

~Melissa


	29. Mystery Guest

A/N

I am a little disappointed that, having gotten 3,000 hits and 400 visitors after I posted my chapter plus over a hundred each of story alerts for this story and people who have favorited my story… and yet I only got 4 reviews. I feel like I've gotten more reviews before with fewer hits, visitors, etc. But, like I said, I won't hold back a chapter I've written just to get more reviews.

I particularly want to thank you, GeorgeGlass, for your suggestion that I really do think made this chapter better.

The past chapter or two haven't been the most exciting ones I've written, but they were necessary. In this chapter, you should see things pick up a bit near the end. Enjoy!

I do not own Twilight. Only Stephenie Meyer does.

BPOV

On Sunday evening I cooked a steak and some mashed potatoes for dinner. It was my first time attempting steak since I'd come to Forks, but Charlie seemed pleased with it. We ate most of the meal in silence, focusing on our meal. After Charlie finished he took our plates and set them in the sink, letting them soak.

"I bought some ice cream," he said, opening the freezer door and pulling out a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream. "You have any room for dessert yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Well stick around anyway, I want to talk to you about something."

I furrowed my eyebrows, not sure where this was leading, but stayed seated.

Charlie pulled out a bowl and an ice cream scoop. "Your mom and I have been talking. We think you need to see a psychologist again."

"That's what Angela said, too," I said, and sighed.

"Well maybe she was on to something."

I didn't answer. I had considered this when she had brought it up, and I knew she and my parents were right, but I wasn't a big fan of going to therapists. It was hard to open up to them because I was uneasy talking about my innermost problems with someone I barely knew. It was an anxiety thing. It was ironic that the reason I was supposed to see a psychologist was the reason I couldn't always make the most of my sessions with them.

"Do you even see anyone other than her anymore?" Charlie had piled four scoops of ice cream and grabbed two spoons. He set the ice cream in the middle of the table and handed me a spoon even though I'd said I didn't want any.

"I talk to my classmates at school." I twirled the spoon around in my fingers, watching as Charlie took a big bite. It took him a moment to get it down so he could respond.

"Exactly, that's at school. What about outside of school?"

I dug my spoon in the pile of ice cream. "I guess not," I said, then taking a bite.

"At least before you had Edward, too, but that's still only two people. What about that Jessica girl? And Mike?"

I had no good answer for that, so instead I settled on scooping up another spoonful of ice cream.

"Bells, I'm know I don't talk about this much… but I'm, uh, proud of you."

"Dad—"

"No, really. Maybe you got all this from me. I don't know. I know it was probably hard but I do know I could see a difference starting to show until Edward left. Maybe you could have used a little help before anyway, but I feel like I'm seeing you slip back."

"Is there even a therapist here?" I asked.

"A guy down at the station's brother-in-law has his license. Dr. Gins. He's a nice guy." Charlie got himself another full spoonful of ice cream.

I would have liked to see a woman more. It was easier for me to talk to women, but I knew that, although it would be a good sign if I could open up to anyone at all about my anxieties, it would be even better practice and a more impressive improvement if I could talk to a man.

"Alright, sure," I said, conceding.

My first appointment with Dr. Gins was the Friday the day before the spring formal. I found his office near the edge of town. His waiting room consisted of pastel-colored sofas and a stack of Newsweek magazines. There were also a few framed paintings, and among them a diploma for a PhD in clinical psychology at UVA.

I had gotten to his office early. My body would be shaking a little, but I was getting better at relaxing my body to suppress it. I was always a little nervous meeting new people, particularly adults or people who I'd essentially hired to judge me, as friendly as their intentions may be. I only had to wait five minutes before Dr. Gins opened the door separating his office from his waiting room. He had a receding hairline, but friendly eyes and an encouraging smile. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"Bella, how nice to meet you," he said. "I'm Dr. Gins."

"Nice to meet you, too." My voice quivered the slightest bit. I wondered if he noticed. I hated that I immediately thought of the one person that I knew for certain would have.

"Well why don't you step in here so we can chat a little?" he asked.

I liked how he gave the feeling that this was a casual talk. It took some of the pressure off me.

His office had a homey feeling to it. It was set up with a cushy chair and couch lit by a sconce set up between them. The pillows on the couch matched the floral wallpaper on the walls. There was an "L" shape to the room that kept his desk and bookshelves virtually hidden from sight, which I appreciated because it helped me feel a little less like I was speaking to a therapist.

My first session with him started with me explaining my history with social phobia, my diagnoses, and my treatment. He then started asking me about my life here at Forks. I had a little trouble talking about Edward, and he picked up on that immediately. I didn't discuss it entirely. I knew there were things, such as _what_ Edward was, that I couldn't talk about, but I simply was not comfortable enough with this man to talk about the intimate details of my relationship with him. My hands shook and I found myself letting my hands fidget with the fringes on the pillows to give them something to do, other than shake.

By the end I was happy to realize that my body had relaxed some. Hopefully next time I would see him, after the spring formal, I'd be a little more prepared to talk.

When the ladies' choice spring formal finally arrived, I still had not come up with an adequate reason to stay home—besides, Dr. Gins had encouraged me that it would be a good experience for someone getting over social anxiety issues—so against all my efforts I pulled out the dress I had bought with Angela. I had never considered wearing the dress Alice had given me. In fact, just so I wouldn't have to accidentally find it again I stored it away in Charlie's closet. I wasn't sure what he thought when he saw a dress like that in his closet, but he never mentioned it to me. His closet was empty enough, anyway, that he probably didn't care.

I donned my dress and swept my hair up in a half-up style. I went for the minimalist look with my make-up, but that was because I didn't feel like I had anyone to impress that night. I was going to be the seventh wheel in my group of friends that night. Angela asked Ben, Jessica asked Mike, and Lauren was going with Eric. I had not decided if I was going to stick around for the whole event. I would see how things would go.

I decided to go to the dance once I saw that it was 7:50. I glanced at my reflection on the way out, deciding that Alice would have been disappointed if she'd seen me going to the dance like this, but that made me smile. I didn't mind that she wasn't around to bully me into wearing something else.

When I got downstairs, Charlie was watching a game on TV. When he heard me he muted it and stood up. "Well, Bells, you look nice." I could tell he had a little trouble saying this out loud, and my cheeks reddened.

"Thanks, Dad."

"When are you getting back home?"

"I don't know," I said, "no later than 11."

"Alright. Well. You have fun."

His send off was as simple as that, knowing I had no date. He had no warnings or requests for me to follow. He was more relaxed knowing I was single. As I stepped outside I heard him turn the TV volume back up.

The dance was set up in the school gym. There were silver and blue metallic streamers, some colored lights for the dance floor, and balloon centerpieces at each table, but that was it for decorations. It still felt like a gym. I remembered the way my school in Pheonix had always had their dances at some other venue to escape that, but I guess there was no other place that would work in Forks.

Eric, Laruen, Angela, and Ben were already there when I arrived. They had found themselves a table near the dance floor, and Lauren was already trying to get Eric to dance with her.

"Can we wait until there are more people on the dance floor?" Eric asked.

"Someone has got to go up there first. Come on, what's the point of a school dance if you don't dance?"

"How about we wait for Jessica and Mike to get here, and then we can dance?"

"Fine." Lauren looked over at me with narrowed eyes, as though this were somehow my fault.

I took a seat by Angela, who was holding hands with Ben under the table. Even when they were sitting down it was obvious that she was a lot taller than he was, but he didn't seem to even notice.

"Aw, I'm glad you picked that dress," Angela said to me. "You look so pretty."

"Thanks, you're the one who picked it out, though, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Well, I still really like it."

"Ben, isn't Angela beautiful?" I asked. He smiled over at Angela and kissed her cheek.

"You bet," he said. "Come on, let's go dance."

Angela glanced over at me. "Do you mind?"

"Are you kidding, you don't have to ask me," I said, even though I was touched that she did. I didn't want to keep her from having a good time just because I didn't have a date. "Go!"

"See, they're going to dance," Lauren said.

"But Bella will be here alone if we go."

"You'll be okay for a little while if we go dance, right?" Lauren asked me. I couldn't be sure if there was sarcasm in the way she asked me.

"I'll be fine, just go."

"See?" Lauren said to Eric. Then she turned to me. "Bye, Bella!"

I overheard Eric as they walked away say, "She's here alone, we should make sure she still has a good time."

I didn't hear the rest of their conversation after that. For a while I watched Angela and Ben dance. She had opted to wear flats rather than high-heals, but she was still nearly a full head taller than him. Ben said something to make Angela laugh, and he pulled her face down to him to kiss her. Watching the two of them just made me think of Edward, and how happy I had been when I was with them. Ignoring the height difference, something about the two of them together made me think of Edward and me. I had to look away.

Jessica and Mike arrived ten minutes later. They joined me at the table at first, and when Lauren noticed them she dragged Eric off the dance floor. From then until 10 the six of them were on and off the dance floor. Mike and Eric both offered to dance with me if I got bored. They tried to be subtle about it, but I knew for sure that Jessica and Lauren knew when I heard them talking amongst themselves.

"I mean," I heard Lauren said, "just because he's my date doesn't mean he can't make a pass at Bella, obviously."

It was around that time that I decided that I wanted to get back home. I hadn't really wanted to come anyway. Dr. Gins had wanted me to come and I did, but I didn't want to cause problems. Before I could grab my clutch I saw a figure on the dance floor. He was gone almost immediately after I noticed he was there, and the lighting made it difficult for me to see. The one thing that I was positive of was that he had had pale, alabaster skin.

Was Edward here? I couldn't understand why he would be, because he had made it clear that he didn't trust himself around me. So then maybe it was Emmet or Jasper? I thought it had been a boy but maybe I was by no means sure of that.

I immediately wanted to know what was going on. Edward had some nerve leaving town to protect me from himself only to have someone, whether himself or a family member, come back and meddle. It wasn't fair. It felt like he was dangling those few happy months we once had together in front of me, and I knew he would pull them away again

Even though I knew that whoever had been on the dance floor was probably long gone, I couldn't help the urge to try to track them down. Besides, maybe they wouldn't try to run. Maybe they wanted me to find them. I got up from the table and started weaving through my classmates on the dance floor. I had seen him, or her, near the middle. Once I reached the center, however, there was no one there with the same skin. I turned around to see if maybe they were somewhere else I might see them, but I saw no sign of a vampire. Had my mind made the whole thing up? Maybe I had wanted to see some sign of the Cullens enough that I let myself think that I had. Either way, I couldn't accept that yet, not until I had looked around more.

I left the dance floor and walked through the grouping of tables. I checked the bathrooms as well, and when I found no one there I went outside.

"Edward?" I asked. I waited for a moment, but nothing happened, but then again I was awfully close to the entrance to the gym. The Cullens wouldn't be able to appear out of nowhere somewhere they might be seen. I walked a few paces away from the door, towards the parking lot. There were no students anywhere in sight. "Edward?" Again nothing.

I shouldn't have tried chasing whoever it was. For five minutes I had let myself think that there was some hope that I would get to see Edward again. If not that then maybe I would be able to hear how he was doing. Now, realizing that wouldn't happen, I felt the unwelcome feeling of pressure building in my chest and throat. I wasn't going to let myself cry, though. Not at school.

"There you are!" I turned around when I heard Angela's voice. She had a glow in her cheeks from dancing inside. "Jessica said she saw you come out here… what are you doing, it's so cold out here!"

"I think I might go home."

"What? Already? There's still an hour to go." I could tell Angela was a little disappointed.

"I just feel a little out of place right now," I said. It wasn't exactly a lie. I did feel that way, but that wasn't the main reason I suddenly wanted to leave. "I tried it out, but I'm really just ready to go home."

"I'm sorry," Angela said. "I feel kind of bad, I feel like this is partially my fault. I was out there dancing a lot."

"Don't be, you weren't dancing the whole time, and I could have gone out there and danced with you guys if I wanted."

"You're sure there's nothing I can do?"

"I'm positive," I said. "Call me tomorrow and tell me what I miss."

"Okay. Goodnight, drive safe."

"Say 'bye' to everyone for me."

"Will do!" Angela waved as she turned to head back inside, jogging. It wasn't a bad idea—I'd been distracted enough earlier that I hadn't realize just how cold it was. My hands were already getting numb, so it took a little while for my fingers to work the clasp on my clutch and find the keys to my truck.

I hurried through the parking lot, looking forward to turning on the heat. On the way to my truck, which was parked near the neighboring woods, I again caught a glimpse of someone, this time under the cover of the trees fifty yards away. Despite the lamp in the parking lot, the shadows from the trees made it impossible for me to recognize whoever was standing there, but I would have bet anything that they were marble white. This time, rather than experiencing a painful stab of longing I felt a shiver go down my spine. I might not have been able to make out a face or even recognize the stature, but my instinct told me it was not a Cullen. If it were, they would have come out by now, especially now that we were looking right at each other.

Edward had told me that there were very few vampires who did not drink human blood.

Panicking, I unlocked my car and sped away before I even got my seatbelt on. I knew that if that vampire was hostile or was targeting me my truck would be no match for him. He would be able to outrun me easily.

When I got home I ran inside, giving Charlie the excuse that I was tired and going straight to bed so he wouldn't have time to notice that something was wrong. I shut my bedroom door and locked my window, but I knew those would do nothing to protect me from a vampire, either. I was hoping they would make me feel safer, but it only worked marginally.

If that vampire had wanted to kill me I'd already be dead by now. I took that as a comfort, but I was still shaking. If it did decide to kill me, then maybe if I stayed in my room it would leave Charlie alone after me.

_You're fine. He's not coming._

I tried convincing myself that I was safe, but now that I had seen that vampire I had my doubts. It could have just been here in passing. Hadn't Edward said that many vampires were nomadic? I tried to ignore the thought in my head that maybe it wasn't a nomad. The worst part was knowing that even if I knew for certain that a vampire was around and hunting in the area there would be nothing I could do about it and I doubted anyone would believe me.

A/N

That is where I'm going to leave off for now. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. This chapter was a fair amount longer, so I'd love to see some more reviews. It's one of the most rewarding parts of posting my work up here, and they always make me smile.

I already know basically what I want to happen next chapter. I'm driving back home tomorrow, which means probably 6 hours of driving. I'll try to write some tonight, but this will be my last time with my family for a while so I don't know what I'll get done, and after tomorrow's drive I'm not sure I'll feel like writing yet (though, a hint, if I really like my reviews I may be inspired to. No promises, but it may help).

~Melissa


	30. Visions

A/N

Thank you to everyone who reviewed my story! I got more reviews this time, so I was really happy with that. I'm pretty curious what you guys will think of this chapter… things are still picking up, that's all I'm going to say!

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

BPOV

When I woke up on Sunday, it took me a moment to remember what I had seen at the spring formal, and then a few more before I determined that, no, I had not been losing my mind. That vampire had been on the dance floor and in the forest, that I knew for sure. I still didn't know why, which bothered me, but I took it as a good sign that I had made it through the night alive. I wanted to put that memory out of my mind, but it worried me. Had it been looking for blood to drink, and if so had anyone died?

I found Charlie downstairs reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee. If a body had been found over the course of the night, he would have either been called in to the station, or else there might already be an article in the newspaper. Charlie didn't seem stressed or upset, which I assumed meant that the vampire hadn't killed anyone. I thought of Angela and Ben and the fact that they had been at the dance, most likely no further than a few feet away from it at some point. It gave me chills.

"Morning, Dad," I said, approaching the table and sitting across from him. I figured I should give him the opportunity to tell me if anything strange had happened last night

"Good morning," he said. He took a sip of his coffee and then set down the mug, looking at me. "How was the dance? You didn't say much about it last night."

"It was alright," I said. "It got me tired, though."

"And that's why you came home early?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Just makin' sure. I'm glad you went, Kiddo."

"Me too."

Maybe no one had been killed, but if that was the case then why had the vampire been around a bunch of people at all? Something wasn't right. There was something I was missing. Why else would a vampire go to a dance?

I decided I wouldn't be able to relax at all until I talked to Angela. I just wanted to make sure she wasn't missing, and plus we'd decided we were going to talk to each other today.

"I'm going to call Angela and see if I missed anything after I left," I told Charlie.

"Maybe you should wait, it's only 9:30."

I hadn't noticed it was so early. I would have to wait a little while if I didn't want to wake her up. I hated waiting around until it was a better hour, so I went upstairs and read ahead for my English class. Luckily I didn't have to wait long, because at 10:15 Angela called me.

"Hey," I said once I realized it was her. I was relieved to hear she sounded alright. "How was the rest of the dance?"

"Well you missed a little bit of a show. Eric asked where you were after you'd left and Lauren walked out. She said something like 'If you wanted to be here with her why did you come with me?'"

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, she probably isn't too much of a fan of yours right now."

"I didn't want to cause any drama. That sucks."

"Yeah, well, Jessica ended up leaving, too. I think she left to cheer up Lauren but she also seemed kind of… annoyed."

"Great."

"So obviously Mike and Eric didn't stick around much longer, either."  
"What about you and Ben?"

"Oh, we stayed there the whole time. He drove me home after and I think he's taking me out to dinner tonight."

"Aw, Angela, really?" It was strange how hearing this could make me equally happy for Angela and sad for myself.

"Yup. You want to come over for a little while? I'll tell you a little more about last night."

I glance back at Charlie. I hadn't gotten to spend much time with him this weekend. "How about I come over at 1?" I asked. That way I wouldn't feel like I hadn't gotten to see him all day. We could, you know, sit around in silence, but it worked for us. Maybe I'd bring a book downstairs to read.

When I went over to Angela's house later, she told me everything that had happened at the dance, down to their first kiss when he dropped her off at her house afterwards. It sounded like, although the two had flirted before, this was probably the first time either of them were openly going into dating each other. I sat through her whole story, smiling at all the right places, but it was hard to ignore the ache in my chest.

On Monday, when I got to school, Angela was already in the parking lot waiting for me. Ben was there with her, holding her hand. It looked like their dinner went well. I wondered if I was going to have to get used to being an odd-number-eth wheel. I didn't figure my odds were too good.

EPOV

The yard outside was barren and covered with snow, but I'd been staring at it for a week straight. It was only mildly better than the five days I'd spent looking at the dust settling in the basement. Our friends in Denali had been kind enough to let me be, but judging from their thoughts it was also partially because I did not keep good company. I didn't deserve their company, anyway.

I found my current location to be the best so far for several reasons. One was that sometimes, when my eyes lost focus, I could almost see Bella's face light up in the blanket of snow. The second was that being able to see Bella and remember what I had done to her was as good a punishment as any.

Alice was the one person that refused to let me sit. Sometimes she just sat there, wondering if I would say something. Her thoughts would wander to something Jasper had said to her or a new fashion designer she wanted to keep an eye on. Her thoughts would always turn to Bella at some point: missing her or wondering how she was doing now that we were gone. I thought about both every second. I hoped she was getting back to having a happy normal life. Maybe someday she would be, and then I would be able to say that I had redeemed a small fraction of my integrity and worth.

On this day, Alice was not going to let me sit in peace. I could hear it in the determined edge her thoughts had. She stood right in front of my window, blocking my view. I looked up at her.

_Ha, it worked. _Her thoughts were smug.

"Yes," I said. "What do you want?"

"Carlisle, Esme, Rose, and I are going to go hunting."

"I don't need to hunt," I said. I'd avoided blood of any sort since I'd left Bella. It was the blood that made me a monster.

"You haven't gone since we got here," she said, as though pointing this out to me would change my mind.

"I know," I said.

"Edward. Really."

"I'm fine."

"Okay," she said, putting her hands on her hips. Her voice turned light and chipper. "When you lose control and attack a local just remember that I told you so."

"It's not funny."

Alice sighed. "I know." She paused, hoping I'd say something but not receiving any response. "At some point Carlisle just attacked the first living thing he came across. We all have our limits."

All I could think about was that letting myself go thirsty had nearly killed Bella. As long as it wasn't her life I'd be ending I could live with it.

As soon as I realized what I had just thought I hated myself even more. What a monster I had become. Who was I to decide who could live and die, whether it was an animal or a person?

_I tried to get Jasper to help me convince you to join us. He won't come near you._

I wasn't surprised with the way my mood had been lately.

"Tell him to do something about it," I said, getting annoyed. If he didn't want to deal with my mood he could change it.

"It's not going to get you anywhere in the long run. He can't do it forever. I'm not sure it'd work, anyway, you've been in such a funk."

"Have I been?" I asked, sarcastic. Alice rolled her eyes at me. I knew I was being unnecessarily mean, but her thoughts were understanding.

_Bella's really got him torn apart._ She mused for nearly the thousandth time since we'd gotten here.

"So what," Alice said after a moment of silence, "you're just going to sit here for the rest of eternity, then?"

I honestly hadn't thought ahead with my plans. This whole time I'd been moping in the present and fixating on the past. The future held nothing for me. This was confirmed when Alice tried to look in the future and couldn't find a single definite thing about what I would do or what might happen to me.

Alice pouted. "I hate not knowing what happens."

"I suppose I'll just wait around until Bella dies," I said. "Naturally, hopefully." I couldn't be sure about the last part, knowing the sort of luck she has.

Alice continued focusing on trying to see my future, and then finally a vision took shape. After Bella died I would go to the Volturi and ask for them to kill me. It wasn't a bad idea, really.

_Don't you dare!_ Alice's thoughts were pleading and scolding at the same time.

"What else is there?"

"Stay with us."

"And do what?" I asked. "I'm supposed to sit around and watch you guys with your perfect matches until the world ends?" It would be the one punishment I wouldn't be able to take. I couldn't watch my family be happy and in love knowing that the one person that I ever had or would love was gone from existence. I couldn't live knowing she wasn't somewhere, living her life. Nor could live the same life I had before her. Not now that I had had a taste of what it was like to be happy and the life I could have had with her.

_Please stay with us. Please think about it._ Alice was desperate, but once she realized I wasn't going to change my mind she got up and walked out the room.

_We'll be back later tonight_, she thought as she headed for the front door. I could see her mull over our conversation, wondering if there was something else she could have said that she could say next time. I saw her worrying about how bad I looked. She wasn't kidding, I looked terrible. The circles under my eyes were darker than I'd ever seen them, and my eyes looked dead. I even had dust starting to pile up on my skin and clothes.

As Alice's thoughts started their retreat to the edge of the nearby forest I saw another vision start to form in her mind. The setting was Bella's house. I immediately sat up. There was a vampire, someone I didn't know, observing the exterior of her house.

"Alice!" The vision wasn't over yet, but I wasn't comfortable with where this was going.

After a moment's pause the vampire found Bella's bedroom window and climbed up the wall and into her room. The vision ended there. Oh my God, no! Bella!

A tenth of a second later Alice was standing in front of me again, her eyes wide with alarm. Her thoughts were scrambled, thinking through what this could mean. She could make no more sense of it than I could.

"Something's going on," she said, both bewildered and confused.

"Who was that?" I demanded.

"I don't know, I've never seen him before."

"Why's he at Bella's house?"

"I don't know."

"When?"

"I can't figure it out. Today?" Alice's voice was filled with uncertainty. _Should we go there? Maybe we should go there._

I wanted to do anything I could to protect Bella, but what if I was a danger to her, as well? Who was the bigger threat to her safety? Could I be trusted with protecting her? If we were going to get rid of that vampire, Alice and I would both be vital. We would both need to be there, and that thought terrified me.

Before we figured out a plan Alice got another vision. This time, Bella was in the arms of the vampire, pale white with a drop of blood trailing down her arm from the bite mark in the crook of her elbow. Her eyes were lifeless. The vampire lit a fire in preparation to hide the evidence.

Bella! Had I had a functional heart it would have stopped beating. My Bella.

The moment we had seen Bella's lifeless body Alice and I were already out the door and running at top speed back to Forks. I could barely keep my thoughts together, but infinitely more important than wondering what would happen if Bella died would be figuring out how to prevent it. Alice's vision stuttered, going in and out of focus.

_I think… I think we will make it._

I thought ahead. We would have to kill this vampire. Better safe than sorry. There was no guarantee, if we scared it off, that it wouldn't come back for her later. But what if we didn't succeed? If we didn't, I would hold myself true to Alice's earlier vision. If Bella died, I wouldn't be far behind.

My cell phone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out and answered the call without slowing. It was Carlisle.

"What's going on?" he asked. He must have heard our conversation earlier. "What did Alice see?"

"A vampire is going to Bella's house. He's going to kill her!"

"When? Who is it?"

"We don't know!"

"We're already on our way. Stay calm for now. If he's going to Bella's house, then she is safe right now. She'll be at school."

"And if he changes his mind?" I demanded. What if the vampire knew where she went to school and dealt with her there? Most vampires wouldn't risk the exposure, but Edward knew nothing of this vampire. He hadn't gotten to hear his thoughts yet.

"We'll have to hope he doesn't."

It wasn't something I could think about. I couldn't bear the pain of imagining Bella dead. My entire body writhed at the thought. I was on fire, and only Bella's well-being could save me.

"Meet us there," I said and hung up.

Alice was still working to get a clearer image of what the future held.

_I don't know what will happen!_ She thought, panicked.

I tried running a little faster.

_You need to hunt! If you come across her now you could hurt her!_

Her uncertainty in my control didn't hurt me, because I knew she was right, but would I be able to hunt without losing valuable time?

Alice directed me where to run with her visions, seeing where I would find animals without deviating far from our path. Still, I feared it might not be enough.

BPOV

Today was the first day we played dodgeball in gym. Most of my classmates were excited to be moving on to something else. I always thought the first day of any sport was the most dangerous one. That was the day when I was least accustomed to it, and therefore the day I was most likely to either hurt myself or make a fool out of myself. Luckily, I got any of those issues over and done with immediately. In fact, in the first five minutes of play I had stepped backwards and in the process stepped on a rolling ball. I lost my footing and fell, falling on my butt and getting the wind knocked out of me. I just couldn't get my lungs to work, and for a moment I lied on the ground trying to breathe.

Luckily, Mike saw this all happen and helped me off the court. In the process he was hit and out for the round as well.

"Bella, you alright there?" the coach asked when he saw me. I tried to say that I was, but all I could get out was a few, strangled breaths. I settled for nodding my head.

"Can you make it to the nurses' station alright?"

I nodded again.

"Why don't you head over there. Let them check you out."

I was glad for the excuse to leave. Mike tried to help me walk out, but really I had no trouble walking. My breathing still came out in shallow gasps, but even that was getting better now. My tailbone felt a little bruised, on the other hand.  
Once I reached the office, a nurse saw me in immediately. She listened to my chest as I took in a few deep breaths and decided that I would be fine. She did recommend that I skip the rest of gym. Even though I could almost breathe normally, aside from some mild discomfort when I did so, she thought I should avoid any activity for the rest of the day. She had me checked out and I was set free.  
I was actually pretty pleased with how easily they had let me go. It also meant I could get my homework out of the way early. As I climbed into my truck and pulled out of the parking lot I wondered if Angela had plans with Ben or not, and whether or not I'd be able to see her that afternoon. I knew that if she was going to hang out with Ben, whether or not she invited me to join I probably wouldn't. The third wheel thing was uncomfortable, and plus I still didn't really know him yet. I didn't know how I would be spending so much time with just the two of them.  
As I had expected, Charlie wasn't home yet. This was good, because I didn't want to explain to him why I was home early. No need for him to worry. Besides, I liked having the house to myself. It gave me more room to breathe. I had found long ago that I relaxed and recharged much more easily when I was alone.  
I set my backpack down by the kitchen table and pulled out my trigonometry textbook. I would get my problem sets out of the way first, but my good calculator was up in my room. I left my things downstairs and I fished my calculator out of my bottom desk drawer. It wasn't until I turned around that I realized that there was someone else in my room.

A/N

Hmmm, who is it? Alice hadn't known Bella would get hurt in gym…. So I guess that would make this a cliffhanger, wouldn't it? What's going to happen next?

If you liked this chapter (or were frustrated by the cliffhanger) please review! I'll get working on the next chapter as soon as I can, I promise!

~Melissa


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